


The Marks That show The Truth

by Taekook339



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abusive Parents, Adoptive parent allura, Adoptive parent shiro, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Asexual origional character, Bookworm Keith, Bottom Keith (Voltron), Bullying, But she also really cares, Child Abuse, College AU, Crossdressing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute Keith, Depressed Keith (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Female Pidge | Katie Holt, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Freckled Keith, Hunk is the literal sun, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith has dimples, Keith has glasses and contacts, Like Jung Hoseok level sunshine, Like VERY shy Keith, M/M, Nervous Keith, Non-Consensual, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panromantic origional character, Past Rape/Non-con, Pidge is a gremlin, Pining Keith (Voltron), Possible smut, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Roommates, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Shorter keith, Sky keith, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Sometimes out of character characters, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Tall Lance, Top Lance (Voltron), Zarkon is an ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 08:51:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taekook339/pseuds/Taekook339
Summary: Soulmates share everything. Bruises, cuts, broken bones, emotions, and more. All are shared between destined pairs. When they meet, their names will be engraved upon each other's wrists, and the marks will stop showing up. The only mark shared will be the name of their other half, and the feelings they have will continue to be shared as well.Lance hated it. Waking up with marks littering his body. The feeling of broken bones, bruised body parts, constant pain, and constant sadness and fear. It was a weird thing, feeling something that wasn't really there. The bruises would show up, but his ribs, ankles, wrists, nose, and more always felt like they had been snapped and stepped on when they were actually perfectly fine. He hated it. Feeling the weird, muffled pain and sadness. Feelings that weren't really his, but still bothered him as if they were. He hated it so much.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with past abuse, rape, and other triggering topics. All that is in the story will be tagged. Please read the tags extremely carefully, and be careful reading this story.

Lance hated his soulmate. He hated every part of him. 

Well... he didn't really hate his soulmate, but he hated what his soulmate put him through. He hated that they shared marks and emotions. He didn't want that.

Most people would call him crazy for hating his destined mate without even meeting them yet, but he didn't care. He was tired of the pain, sadness, and bruises. The crushing pain in his chest every time his soulmate did anything. The feeling of wanting to die, when he was completely happy and content. 

Lance can still remember the first time the marks began to appear. It was when he was 7...

Flashback-

"Mommy!" I scream as I awake to the feeling of being punched in the stomach. I scream in pain, and my body starts getting littered with bruise after bruise. 

I can feel each punch crushing my small body, each bruise searing into my skin as my body flails in pain, and each second pass like an hour as my body filled with fear. I saw black as spots danced across my vision from the overwhelming pain. The punches feeling like cement blocks being dropped on my body. I feel the very moment my wrist gets stomped on, screaming as it feels as though it has shattered. Feeling as though my bones were disintegrating and being crushed into a fine powder. It hurt like hell.

My parent's rush into my room to find me writhing on the bed, bruises coating my face and body. My eyes squeezed shut as tears flow out of them. I feel the pain slow down to a muffled whisper as my parents freak out. The whole time my body shook from the burning betrayal I felt racing through my veins. The feeling as though someone close to me had stabbed me in the back. My heart constricting at the overwhelming feelings. The betrayal and sadness didn't leave my thoughts, even after the pain seemed to stop coming. 

I start to calm down, but soon enough feel the overwhelming fear in my stomach resurface. My legs start to sting as though I'm getting carpet burn, and my whole body jolts with pain as I feel like I've been thrown down the stairs. I feel the fear, betrayal, and sadness come back tenfold as I feel hands gripping the sides of my legs like someone is holding them in a death-grip. I recognize the feeling from when I'd crawl into the fetal position and grasp my legs when I was sad and scared.

My parents rush me to the hospital as I stay in the backseat crying. Everything passes me in a blur as I watch everyone giving me sympathetic glances. 

'What do they know? Why are they looking at me like that? What's going on with me?' The thoughts swarmed my head as I felt the fear gripping me again as the doctors are checking to see the damage. I start hyperventilating in fear, and I knew the pain wasn't over. 

I felt a burning sting in streaks down my back. The feeling of leather whipping my back, leaving angry, red welts across it. The doctors quickly gave me some sort of medicine, and I felt the pain becoming muffled again. The lashes no longer feeling like much more than a tickle down my back, but the fear and sadness still took over my brain the same way it had been. I drift off as I heard the doctor whisper just one sentence more. 

"I'm worried about his soulmate" 

Soulmate? Is he the reason this is happening to me?

End of flashback-

I remember that day like it was yesterday, and that was a great day compared to what has happened since. I woke up with new bruises and pain every day. Sometimes it's at 2 or 4 am, other times it's in the morning before school or the second I enter my house after school.

Weekends were surprisingly peaceful most times. The muffled relief my soulmate felt always felt good for me as well. I didn't know why the weekends were like that, but I didn't want to jinx anything by questioning it. 

The worst day, however, was on October 23rd when I was just 15...

WARNING- THIS SCENE WILL CONTAIN SLIGHTLY GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF RAPE. I WILL NOT GO INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL, BUT IF YOU GET TRIGGERED BY THIS PLEASE SKIP TO THE LINE MADE OUT OF DASHES. I WILL USE THAT AS A SEPARATION SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO RISK READING SOMETHING TRIGGERING. 

Flashback- 

I was woken up by the feeling of the hand shaped bruises holding my arms down, and the suffocating fear as I felt a heavy pressure against my thighs like someone was sitting on me. I gasped as I sat up in fear, and glanced at my clock. The time had read only 4am, and I felt the sleepy nausea start to fill my stomach. I felt something sink into my neck after bruises had started littering it, and I soon realized what was happening. 

The weight pinning me down, the handprints on my wrists like someone was restraining them, the hickeys and bite marks littering my neck and collar bones. I knew what was happening, but I didn't want to. I'm only 15, which meant he's probably only 14, 15, or 16 since soulmates were always born in the same year. He's only a child.

I had had sex ed earlier this year, and I knew what was going on. I felt handprints forming on the insides of my thighs, like someone was forcing them open, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I felt my chest constrict with utter terror and betrayal as I threw up every bit of the meals I had eaten just yesterday. The pain of the bond was too strong for me, and I almost wished I could get rid of it. As I felt the fear beginning to overwhelm my soulmates emotions, I quickly took the safe amount of sleeping pills to escape what was going to happen to them. 

I could feel my chest constrict with each breath knowing what was happening. Knowing that I couldn't help my soulmate... and knowing that there was no way that the man hurting him didn't live with him. Knowing that this man could be related to my soulmate made me sick, and I almost had to return to the toilet.

I felt the muffled feeling of my insides tearing apart, and the burning pain of what was happening to my soulmate. I nearly screamed at the pain and fear I felt through our bond. Soon enough it was over, and I was crushed by the sadness I felt. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt something sharp sliding against my thigh for the first time. 

When I woke up the next morning, I glanced down at my thighs to see one cut across the right one. I cried for hours after that. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I shuddered at the memory of that day. Those events continued until I was 17. For some reason, a few days after I had turned 17, the bruises stopped.

They just... stopped, and never started again. The fear and sadness stayed, but the marks didn't show up anymore. In fact, after I graduated from high school and turned 19, my soulmate even started feeling happier. He seemed to have good moments and bad moments, instead of just bad ones. 

It made me happy, but I still harbored hatred towards the whole soulmate thing. I mean, who wouldn't after what I had gone through? It's not like I truly hate HIM. I mean, he's been through what I have, but in person. He's the one that's actually had all of that happen to him. Obviously I care and worry about him, but I can't help but to still slightly despise him.

I wonder what he's like though? What's his name? What does he look like? What's he like behind all of the fear and bruises? How's he doing? Does he want to meet me? 

Little did I know, when I entered college all of those questions would be answered.


	2. Meeting You

"Guys come on! We finally get to go to college!" I shouted at my best friends, Pidge and Hunk, as I loaded up the truck with my stuff. I sent them a large grin as they rolled their eyes at my antics. Pidge cradled her extra large coffee in her arms as she guarded it with her life, and Hunk stood there carrying about 8 bags of luggage all by himself. Yep, they're definitely my friends.

"We have 2 hours to get there, Lance. calm down. Besides, aren't you nervous to meet your roommate?" Pidge smirked as she yet again rubbed in the fact that I wasn't able to room with her and Hunk. I was still able to get the room next to theirs though, so I call that a small win at least.

"Nope!" I stated, popping the p. "I'm super excited to meet them! Maybe they'll even be better then you. Not you though, Hunk. No one can beat you."

Hunk gave me a big smile, and tousled my hair. I spent an hour trying to tame this mess... dammit. I reach up and slap his hand away before trying to fix the mess he made.

r

Hunk smiles at me again as I get in the passenger seat, and Pidge goes where she belongs. The back of the car, where children of her height stay. I smirked as the thought crossed my mind.

I felt something hit me in the back of the head, and I turn to find a crumbled up coffee cup on the floor and a gremlin looking around whistling. Evil little shit.

I turn back around in my seat, flick the radio on, and roll my window down. Spring Day by BTS plays (Sorry, I literally only listen to Kpop so...), and I lean back in my seat as I let my hand fly with the wind out the window. I close my eyes and sigh, wondering how my soulmate is doing, and when I'll meet him.

What does he look like? Is he cute? How's he been doing lately? What changed when I turned 17? Did he run away? Did he find someone to take care of him? When will I meet him? Where does he live?

I open my eyes and gaze at the sky. Watching the red and orange clouds collide into a pretty pink, I admire them. The birds flying above our car tweeting and squeaking at each other. I watch them as they fly towards their destination, wondering if my soulmate is watching the same sky and birds I am.

I slowly start to drift off as I feel my soulmate become nervous. I wonder why he's nervous? Maybe he's getting ready for something? Good luck with whatever it is. I hope to meet you someday.

I awake to hunk squishing my cheeks, and I groan in fake annoyance. They always choose to wake me up in the weirdest ways. Pidge once spent an entire year waking me up by pinching my nipples (if you get that BTS reference then I love you), and every single day I'd set 5 alarm clocks to make sure I woke up before she did. I can still remember the days where I'd wake up every few minutes and desperately look around to see if she was coming for me. I still get nightmares.

A lot of people think I overreact to Pidge's teasing and attacks, but my god did her tiny gremlin fingers know how to pinch. I've seen adults fear her before, and that's just from the pain she causes. I don't even want to get into how easily she can blackmail someone or ruin their life. I shudder at the thought.

I looked out the window to see a huge building with the words "Altea High" in big letters, on the top of the front side. My dream college. EVERYONE'S dream college to be honest. Every student that wants to go to college dreams of Altea High. It's the most advanced school in the world currently, and I still can't believe we all got in here. You have to be smart as hell, or extremely talented to get into this school, and I will never understand how I got picked.

Now now, I'm not a dumbass. However, I'm not a genius either. I excel in certain topics, and I suck in others. I took college courses in highschool for my math classes and my science classes, but I was average in english and sucked in History. I mean who needs to know about what happened thousands of years ago? Who CARES? Why don't we try focusing on current topics and problems instead of problems we had years ago that no longer exist. I don't want to learn about someone discovering continents, when there are no longer new continents to be discovered. I don't know anything about current events or issues, but ask me who sailed on the Mayflower and I could probably name them if you gave me a few minutes to google it.

I hate History class. It just seems useless. I mean yeah, you could argue that it shows us how to avoid conflict in ways. Showing us that if people do this, then this could happen, but what does that matter? You wanna teach me life lessons? Then teach me those specific things. Stop teaching me about useless things I'll never need to kn-

I break away from my thoughts realizing I was going on an angry rant about History class in my head... for the 4th time. I look up to realize we had entered the school building, and were heading to the front desk.

The lady at the desk gave me my room number, and key, telling me that my roommate hadn't arrived yet. For some reason my body felt warm when she talked about my roommate, and I couldn't tell why.

I pushed the feeling away, and continued to make my way to my room with my friends.

Once we arrived at our rooms, we said goodbye and entered them. My room was a lot how I always pictured dorms to look like. Bland white walls, two twin sized beds on opposite sides, a desk sitting besides the end of each bed, a wardrobe next to each desk, and a shelf on the wall above the bed. Just very plain and boring.

I quickly got to work on changing that. Changing the bland sheets to my baby blue ones, hanging up my ocean posters, putting my array of clothes into the wardrobe, setting my trinkets up on the shelf, and adding the finishing touches to my side of the dorm.

As I finish setting up my laptop on the desk, I realize that my roommate Keith still hasn't shown up yet. We have until 2 pm to show up and get situated before we have the assembly, and it's already 1 pm.

"I wonder if he's lost?" I ask myself.

I decided to play some games until 1:30, and then meet up with Hunk and Pidge if Keith isn't here by then. Hopefully he doesn't get here too late.

By the time the clock strikes 1:30, my roommate still isn't here. I make sure I have my room keys and my phone before leaving the room. Right when I reach Hunk and Pidge's room I feel my soulmate become extremely nervous again, and I halt in my steps for a moment.

Now that I think about it, most soulmates meet by my age. Why haven't I met you yet? Will we meet someday soon? I wonder why he's so nervous? I go back to opening the door as I hear footsteps coming from the stairway.

"Must be another student going to his dorm." I whisper to myself as I enter the room. I take a few steps into the room after I close the door, and raise my arms into a U shape.

"I have arrived!" I shout into the room startling my friends. They quickly jump off the coach and twist around to face me.

"LANCE! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!" Pidge screams at me.

All of a sudden I hear a door slamming shut, and feel my soulmate fill with relief. Huh... that's weird, that door sounded like it was really close... Well, whatever.

I turned my attention back to pidge as I wrapped my arms around her and spun her in circles. She very quickly kicked me in the shin, and went back to her computer after I dropped to the floor in pain.

"Ow!" I shout in pain. At the same moment I feel a spark of worry, and then confusion run through my soulmate. Poor guy probably felt his shin snap in half. Stupid gremlin.

Pidge, Hunk, and I all chat about our classes and dorms before we leave the room to go head down to the assembly. The next 2 hours were wasted listening to a bunch of people telling us to study hard and be sure to hand in our work... You know, things we definitely haven't heard every single teacher we've ever had tell us. I yawned as we finally got the go ahead to return to our dorms. I waved goodbye to my friends as we parted ways at our doors. As I put my key into the lock, I felt a flood of nervousness hit me. I paused for a moment to calm myself down. Why is he so nervous? I felt myself becoming confused, and I resumed putting the key into the lock. The nervousness only grew as I twisted the key. As I turned the knob of the door, I felt as though all of the air in my lungs rushed out of me. I paused once again, and then pushed the door open. Once the door tapped the wall, I saw a pair of bright violet eyes staring into my blue ones, and the air in my lungs once again disappeared. I suddenly felt warm as I heard him gasp, unable to keep my eyes off of his. My whole body seemed to fill with excitement and heat as I continued to stare at the purple jewels. I felt sparks light up inside of me as I finally peeled my eyes away from his. I felt drunk as my eyes scanned him from head to toe. Raven hair reaching his shoulders, freckles dusted across his cheeks and his small button nose, black-rimmed glasses perched on his face, a light blush joining the freckles, perfect pink lips, and the smoothest looking skin I'd ever seen. I glanced down to his outfit to see him wearing a wine colored, cropped sweatshirt, and black skinny jeans.

(If you would like to see the sweater I'm talking about, as I'm not the best at describing lol, then search up "red colored cropped sweatshirt" on google, and it's the the first one there for $9.59 on ROMWE. Sorry for the interruption XD, I just hate when I don't know what the clothes look like, so I wanted to make sure there was a way for you to see what I meant. Back to the gay shit my friends!)

My attention is draw back to his face as he lifts his hand to tuck a piece of hair behind his ear. His face brightens in color as a wave of nervousness and embarrassment hit me through our bond. His eyes lower to his lap, and his eyes start to wander as he fiddles with his fingers. 

"H-hi Lance" He whispers shyly as he glances at me again. I feel the warmth flood me again as he says my name, and I can't help but smile with joy. This is my soulmate. 

"Hi, Keith" I say back, causing him to smile. His lips lift causing his cheeks to shift with the movement... He has dimples. He has first class dimples, and I don't think I'm gonna make it much longer. How many people did I save in my past life to deserve such luck? 

"You're beautiful" I whisper to him. He gasps as his head shoots up to look at me. Eyes wide, and face getting increasingly bright red. He starts stuttering as he tries to figure out a response. He seems to give up as he sighs and hides his face with his hands. Cute.


	3. Past Over Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who thought this was going to be a happy love story where they get together and make all of the bad pasts disappear, please read the description again. Also, as someone who has depression and anxiety, I will not be doing the whole "Everything is perfect with you and I no longer have mental health issues", along with the whole "romantisizing self-harm and depression" bullshit. Sorry if you're into that, but it's not at all realistic, and it's honestly offensive to people going through these issues. Sorry not sorry XD. Lance still has the hatred he's always had, and Keith still has his own problems that will be further described and developed. However, I do plan to have them get together, and being relatively happy towards the end. No one will die, and they won't seperate for good. This will be a realistic story, with realistic problems and solutions. It's not a perfect romance story. I just figured I should make this note in case anyone gets upset during this chapter, as I have had that happen in old Wattpad stories. In any case, I hope you enjoy the story and have a great day.

After we met, we surprisingly didn't say much. We just kind of stood there, me watching him and him shyly avoiding my eyes. We didn't even really move until I got out of my stupor, and walked to my bed. I sat on top of my sheets and pulled my phone out. 

My first instinct was to text the Gremlin and Hunk, but I feel like they'd want too much information, and ask too many questions. Pidge would want to know literally everything about Keith because of "science", and hunk would be overly excited about me meeting my soulmate. I just kinda don't want to talk about it. I choose to study my lesson planner instead, while I avoid the awkward boy in front of me. 

Somehow, I end up spending over half an hour studying a planner, when it would've taken me like five minutes if I wasn't in the state of avoiding real life confrontation and human interaction. I look up from my phone to see Keith writing in a journal of some sort. For a moment I get curious on what he's writing about, but I quickly snap myself out of it. 

'You're not supposed to get close to him, Lance. He's caused you nothing but misery and pain your entire life. He's the reason no one wanted to be your friend. He's the reason that you've had to have a therapist for most of your life. You hate the idea of soulmates. That shouldn't change just because yours is cute.'

I glance up at keith again. I have a clear view of his profile from where I'm sitting, and it takes everything in me not to gasp. Keith's bangs fall slightly into his eyes as he tilts his head down to write. His freckles dance across his pink cheek, and his button nose scrunches up a bit as he flips his pencil to erase something in the journal. 

I bite my lip as I examine him further. It's hard not to stare at him. He's stunning, and I have a hard time remembering that I've always hated him. He looks so innocent as the glow of his lamp reflects on his face. It's like the person I've always felt isn't truly him. The person in constant pain and misery... and yet he doesn't match that description at all.

He shifts in his chair, and my eyes travel down with the movement. It takes me a second to remember what he's wearing, as I finally take notice to his soft stomach left exposed by the wine colored crop top. The black, skinny jeans hugging his hips as he crosses his right leg over his left leg are the next thing that catches my eye, and I have to restrain myself from taking an audible gasp for air. 

I know that this is just the natural pull of our bond, but I can't help but feel annoyed by it. I'm not a hormonal teen anymore, so why can't I control these feelings. I place my head in my hands as I lean forward, and sigh into them. 

'What is happening to me? This is ridiculous, I feel like my insides are on fire every single time I look away from him now. Like the bond is burning me from the inside out the more I try to resist it. It hurts... but it also feels kinda good. Knowing that the beautiful person in front of me is mine, and that he's probably feeling the exact same way. It makes me ridiculously happy'

I feel a twinge of nervousness and confusion pass through Keith as he hears me sigh. Great, I got so distracted, that I actually forgot he was in front of me. 

My attention is once again drawn to Keith as he closes his journal, and stands up from his chair. He pushes the chair into the desk, and turns to look at me. He hesitates for a moment, mouth opening and closing twice. He seems to contemplate saying something to me, only to give up and decide against it. He closes his mouth once more with an audible click, and then sheepishly turns back around. I feel anxiety creeping up on me, and I can tell something's making him anxious. 

He grabs what look to be clothes, and heads to the bathroom connected to his side of the room. I go to my own closet and grab a fresh pair of boxers. I strip off my clothes as fast as possible, and slip the new boxers on before I sit back on top of my sheets. As I'm making sure everything is plugged in, and my alarms are properly set for tomorrow, the bathroom door is once again opened. 

I feel my jaw hit the floor as he steps through the entrance. He's wearing a pair of light red pajama shorts, and a white, flowy, cropped camisole. My gaze wanders up to his face, and I notice that his hair is tied up into a short, messy kind of ponytail...

'Be still my heart'

I resist the urge to dramatically place a hand over my heart as my gaze wanders across his body. My eyes snap up as he suddenly moves his arm. His right hand wrapping around his other arm, as he shyly shuffles his feet. I close my jaw once i notice the bright blush staining his cheeks as he avoids eye contact. 

I don't think I've ever seen someone so beautiful, and I once again doubt he's truly the person I've been feeling since I was born. 

WARNING- Brief mention of past abuse and rape in this next paragraph. Please skip to the next paragraph if you're worried about being triggered. Please don't take any chances, and take care of yourselves. 

I remember it so vividly. The bruises and crippling pain punching into every part of my body. The phantom hands restraining me, and pulling at the insides of my thighs. The burning and tearing pain of being split open from the inside. 

I remember it all, and yet as I look at the boy in front of me, I don't understand how it's the same person. Keith seems... Well I don't want to say "fine" as I've known him for like a total of an hour, but "normal"? Maybe, I don't know. 

I just don't get how the same person I've felt my whole life, is the beautiful and shy person standing in front of me. The person with life in his eyes, and cheeks as red as freshly bloomed roses. However, I know that those roses come with thorns. No matter how different he seems in front of me now, I know the basics of what he's gone through. I know that this isn't the only side of him. 

'I know that, so why is it so hard to picture? Why can't I see someone like him crying or sad? He just seems so... perfect to me?' 

My attention is stolen from me for the 80th time today as Keith clears his throat. He sways a bit to the right as his foot repositioned itself, and he cocks his hip to the side. His eyes finally shift towards me, and our eyes meet once again. I watch as the blush on his cheeks travel to his ears, and even slightly down his neck. 

"G-Good night... Lance" he whispers my name as he turns, and crawls under his sheets before I can even process the fact that he said anything at all. 

"Good night Keith. Sleep well" I whisper the last part as well as I flip the switch on my light, bathing us in darkness.

\------Time skip!------

WARNING- The next part will be about Keith having a serious panic attack, if panic attacks or references to past rape trigger you, please skip to the dashed line. Be cautious and safe! However, please understand that this is what most of the story will be about, if you get triggered by this stuff, this book may not be a good one for you to read. 

I toss and turn as a whimper sounds from behind me. I ignore it as I try to go back to sleep, but all of a sudden I'm hit with an overwhelming wave of depression and fear. I curl into myself as the feelings become too much for me to handle. It HURTS. It hurts so fucking much, and I can feel Keith's name burning my wrist as the feelings pour through me. I try my hardest to ignore the feelings, but they only get worse. 

I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest. My ribs constricting my lungs, and piercing them with each heaving breath. I feel trapped, and I start to hyperventilate. 

'Snap out of it, snap out of it, snap out of it!' I scream at myself in my thoughts. 

I jolt out of bed, and rush to Keith's side. As I get a close look at him, I see how horrible he looks. A thin layer of sweat covering his body, his face deadly pale, his eyes pinched together as tears stream out of them, body curled into a ball, and fists grasping his sheets with a death grip. His knuckles turn white as he squeezes even tighter than before. Whimper after whimper pour out of his thinly pressed lips. 

I grab his shoulder to shake him awake, and his eyes fly open. His arm swings at me in panic, and a scream rips itself out of his throat. His whole body twists away from me as he struggles against my hold. I rip my arm off of him as if just touching him has burnt my hand. 

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" He screams, his throat raw and scratchy. 

I see the pure fear in his eyes before I feel it through our bond. He's scared of... Me? Why? Why is he scared of me? I reach my hand towards him again, and his eyes widen at the movement. His eyes tracking my every move. 

"Keith, buddy, it's me. It's Lance, your... soulmate" I bite out nervously. 

I see a brief flash of recognition in his eyes before my hand lays upon his shoulder once more. The second my hand makes contact with his skin, the flash is gone. His eyes fill back with terror as he curls into himself and starts to rock. He rocks back and forth, back and forth, over and over again. 

"No more. Please no more. I don't want it. I don't want it. Don't hurt me. Please. I don't want it daddy. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it! I DON'T WANT IT!" He starts off at a whisper, and ends with a booming scream. 

"Keith! Please look at me! It's me, Lance! I'm not gonna hurt you!" I raise my voice slightly, in a panic, to gain his attention. However, this seems to only make his state worsen as he curled further into hinself, and starts to flail again. His breath comes out in shorts bursts, and his chest heaves with each one. 

"Can't breathe. Can't breath. I can't breath get off. Get off of me!" He screams as he flails. His arms bend towards him as his nails scratch at them. Reddened streaks appear on his arms where he scratches, and the trails start to lightly bleed. Small bubbles of blood rising where the scratches got a past the first layer of skin. His hands frantically move up to his neck as he grasps it. Panicking as he tries to breath. 

I feel the memory of rough hands clasping around my neck and squeezing, appear in the front of my mind. I hesitate before grabbing Keith's arms. I know this will make his panic worsen, but he needs to stop hurting himself. I pin his arms to his sides, and sit on his legs to restrain him. I lean my forehead down to his chest, and rest it there. He freezes up, and his breathing stills. No air going in, or going out. 

"Keith, I need you to take a deep breath in through your mouth. Please buddy, do this for me." I feel the hesitation and fear through the bond, but I hear him take a deep breath in. I smile. 

"Now, release that breathe through your nose, and repeat. Follow my breathing, ok?" I tell him as I mimic my instructions. 

I hear him following along with what I'm doing, and the fear slowly dwindles with each breath. His body starts to slowly grow relaxed, and I loosen my grip on his limbs. I lay down beside him as I continue to mimic the instructions I gave him.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our eyes meet for just a moment before his eyelids slowly close. As he drifts off to sleep, I hear a noise coming from outside the door. I slowly, and carefully, climb out of the bed. I make sure not to rouse Keith as I head towards the door. Once there, I press my ear against it. I hear faint whispering from the other side, and recognize it as Pidge grumbling. I quickly, but quietly, open up the door. As the door swings open, I see pidge and Hunk standing on the other side. 

"What are you guys doing out here?" I whisper shout at them. 

"You're kidding right?" Pidge grumbles at me. "If it weren't for the fact that everyone else is out celebrating their new college life, your roommate would have woken everyone in the damn building up. What HAPPENED?" 

I glance back at Keith's sleeping form, and open the door wider, gesturing for them to go sit on my bed and be quiet. As they sit down, I close the door and join them. 

"Woah! Wait a minute! Is that your roommates name on your wrist!?" Hunk whisper shouts at me in shock.

"Yah... It is" I hesitate to answer as I glance down at the mark, rubbing my fingers over it. 

I look back up at Hunk and Pidge to see them sharing a knowing look. I once again hesitate to say anything. I don't know what that look is about, and I don't know if I want to know. In fact, I probably don't want to know. 

"What?" I ask, regardless of my hesitation the words come out sounding confident. 

"You like him" Pidge states confidently as she watches me with calculating eyes. 

"... What?" 

"You. Like. Him." She repeats as though I'm a child. "It's quite obvious." She finishes. 

"I hate him." I see her giving me a look as if to say, 'You're so damn stupid'.

"I mean sure, he's drop dead gorgeous. Sure he's super shy and he blushes at simple eye contact. He's got cute freckles AND dimples, which is totally unfair by the way, and wears glasses. He seems to like dressing up in slightly feminine clothes, and it fits him perfectly. He's got VIOLET eyes because of COURSE he does! They literally glow for God's sake. He's got soft, long hair that he ties into a fucking ponytail of all things. He's got a baby tummy that's just about the softest thing I've ever seen, and I mean Kim taehyung from BTS level. He's got the cutest, little button nose that I feel a constant urge to boop. He's the perfect height, just a few inches shorter than me, so that it makes him look even cuter. He's got a little beauty mark on his right hip. He's got the prettiest smile, and I haven't even seen one with teeth. In fact, I've only seen a shy smile that he gave to me as he said goodnight, which was still the prettiest one I've ever seen. I could go on and on about how perfect he seems, and that's the problem. He's absolutely perfect... but nothing like the person I've grown up knowing. Well, besides just a few minutes ago. Him having a nightmare was the only thing I've seen so far that has any resemblance to the soulmate I grew up with. He doesn't even seem to have any injuries or scars. It's like the soulmate I grew up with got switched with fucking Aphrodite." I finish with a loud sigh.

Pidge and Hunk give me looks of pity, and I hate it. I hate every second of it. The last thing any person, that has real problems, ever wants is pity. 

"Lance," Hunk hesitates, glancing at Pidge, before he continues. "I know what you went through. I don't understand it, and probably never will, because I never went through it myself. However, I know what happened. You need to understand that none of what happened to you is Keith's fault. He went through all of that stuff in person. You only got snippets of it, and I'm not trying to make you feel as though your problems are any less significant than his. Those blurs of feelings you felt, he felt for real. You need to understand that he couldn't control those things. If you want to blame someone for what happened, then blame the person who did what he did to Keith. Don't make your soulmate feel as though being abused and raped was his fault. I'm sure you know more than anyone else that he feels that way enough as it is. Please."

"I know that Hunk!" I raise my voice for a moment, before panicking and then lowering it again. Luckily I didn't wake Keith up. "It's not that easy... I know it's not his fault, but I've grown up hating this. I've ALWAYS hated everything about this. I've hated how everyone else was so in love with the idea of a soulmate, while i was in constant fear of the bond I shared with mine. I hated feeling pain that wasn't my own. I hated waking up every day at all hours of the night screaming in pain. I hate worrying my siblings and my parents. I hated having to explain to my teachers, friends, and child services that my parents weren't abusing me. I hated being the outcast because everyone was afraid of my freakouts. I hated every single second of it. That's not going to suddenly change just because my soulmate is good looking. It's just not going to happen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, try to remember that Lance practically grew up experiencing nothing but pain from Keith. He grew up feeling as though soulmates were horrible, and he hated Keith most of his life. It's not easy to change your perspective on something, or someone, you've spent your entire life learning to hate and distrust.


	4. Just Ignore Them, Ok?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late update. I wanted to get this chapter done a lot sooner, but I got into a bit of a slump. It just feels like my writing is so boring. I can't seem to get what I want to write, and type it up the way I want to. I also ended up tearing my peroneal tendon in my right foot, so I am now on bedrest and can spend more time writing lol. Anyway, hopefully I can keep the chapters coming at a faster rate now.

The next morning, I woke up to a pounding headache and an empty bed. Pidge and hunk most likely having left once I fell asleep. As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I glanced towards my alarm clock. The bright blue numbers read 8 am, and my eyes widened at it. My first class is at 9 am. I could've slept another full hour, but my brain had to be an asshole and wake me up early after the rough night I had. 

I sat up in bed, and looked over at Keith's bed. He was still there. Tucked under the covers, curled up underneath them. The covers were pulled up just to his waist, leaving his top exposed, and his bent knees to poke out of the side of the blanket. His camisole riding up on his stomach, exposing the soft baby tummy underneath. The slightly rounded belly calling my name to reach out and give it a quick squish.

I blink away the creepy thought, and look at Keith's face. His eyes are closed, his clasped fists pulled right up to below his chin, and his chest rising with each breath. His hair splayed around his face as his bangs brush his closed eyelids. The freckles dancing across his cheek show more as the rays of light lie across his face from the open blinds. His pinkish lips pouted as his nose wrinkles, and he shifts with a whine. 

He yawns as his eyes blink open, only to close again as the light shines in them. He shifts into a sitting position causing the camisole to shift down, and cover his belly once again. The blanket shifts the slightest bit to rest on his thighs, and he brings them closer to his body. 

He brings his right fist up to his eye, and rubs at it lazily. I coo on the inside at the cute sight he makes. As his eyes blink open again, he looks around the room. He seems to be taking in his surroundings, when his eyes fall on me.

His face brightens to a light red before he quickly looks away. He seems embarrassed as he pulls his long sleeved camisole down to cover his exposed tummy, and he slowly brings his legs around to hang off of the small bed. As he stands up, he wobbles sleepily for a moment, and then regains his footing on the carpeted floor. 

He grabs an outfit from his wardrobe, and heads into the bathroom to get ready. As he leaves the room, I sit up in my bed. Dragging the covers with my body as I stand up. I watch the covers drift off of my body as I let them fall, too lazy to lean down and catch them. Too lazy to even move them off of my lap before getting up. 

I turn to the left, and start walking to my dresser. As I get there, I open the drawers and search for an outfit to wear for the day. It's the first class of the school year, so I look for an outfit to impress. I end up choosing my best pair of jeans for the bottoms. The jeans are black, tight, and form fitting. Hugging my curves, and accentuating my thighs and butt. For the top, I pick out a black shirt, and a blue jacket. I finish off the style with my black pair of converse, and swish my bangs to the side giving me the side swept look. I spray a quick spurt of cologne onto my body, and make sure to grab everything I'll need for the day. My books, pencil case, phone, headphones, charger, laptop, and gum. 

As I wrap up getting ready, the door to the bathroom opens up. I see Keith step out of the bathroom wearing new clothes. I take a minute to realize we're practically wearing couple outfits. He's wearing essentially the same black jeans as I am, a black shirt, and a red and black, checkered, flannel jacket. He's even wearing the same black pair of converses I am. I look up to see that he realizes that as well. HIs face a bright shade of red as he self consciously plays with the hem of his jacket. I watch as he goes to look at me, makes eye contact, and then shyly looks away again. 

I feel his anxiety and embarrassment coursing through our bond, and I wonder if he can feel mine as well. I wonder if he can feel everything I feel like I do for him. If he feels mine as strong as I feel his, or if mine are more muffled to him. I've heard of soulmates that are barely able to feel their partners emotions, and one's that can't even tell if the emotions are theirs or their partner's due to how strong the emotions are. It was just another thing for me to be jealous of. Soulmates that didn't have to feel what I felt, soulmates that had partners they loved, soulmates that grew up together, soulmates that were obviously made for each other, soulmates that never suffered due to the other. 

I always try my hardest to understand that no one's soulmate or relationship is perfect, but all I ever see are the fairytales. The soulmates that meet and fall in love instantly. The soulmates that are so in sync with each other that it's almost scary. The soulmates that live their lives peacefully with a perfect family, house, and job. That's all I ever see when my reality is bruises, broken bones, fear, anxiety, depression, abuse, and rape...

I hate it. 

I feel a surge of worry and concern spread through the bond as I snap out of it. I realize that Keith probably felt the anger, jealousy, and saddest I just felt, but I can't bring myself to care right now. There's just no point in caring about it. I've lived my entire life having to deal with his overwhelming emotions. Having to deal with his depression, fear, anxiety, and false hope. He can deal with a few minutes of my anger and jealousy. He can definitely deal with it. 

I sit down on my bed to wait out the remaining time. It's still only 8:20, and I just have to brush my teeth. I bring out my phone, and start texting the group chat with Hunk and Pidge. We set up a place to eat together, later on during our lunch break, and talk about some random topics. I feel an awkward presence beside me, and I can feel tension through our bond. I look towards Keith to see him standing in the same position as earlier, and nervously shifting while playing with the hem of his jacket again.

I watch him as he trembles under my stare. Avoiding my eyes like the plague, and fiddling with the end of his jacket until I'm convinced he's worn a hole through it. His face is a bright red shade, and his light freckles are barely visible underneath it. His teeth worry his bottom lip as he seems to come to a conclusion. He plants his hands to his sides, and stares up into my eyes with determination. My eyes widen in surprise, but I don't dare to break eye contact. He takes a breath before speaking to me with the most confidence I've heard from him so far. 

"Thank you, for helping me last night. I don't usually react like that to nightmares, and it got really out of hand. I'm sorry with burdening you with that, especially not only so late, but on our first day of meeting as well. I'll try my best not to let it happen again, and I'm very grateful for your help and patience. I understand you may not want to talk to me after my... Meltdown last night, but I would like to get to know you more since we finally met each other. Hopefully we can get along well."

He finishes up his short speech with a smile that stretches his lips, and lifts his cheeks to reveal his dimples. His eyes wrinkle, and his nose scrunches up in the most precious way. I nod towards him to let him know I understand. I know I should probably respond with my words instead, and I can tell he's disappointed in my lack of a response, but I can't help but to feel as though I don't want to give him a response. It's petty, but after everything I've been through I don't feel like he deserves a response from me. 

I glance at the clock on my phone to see it's now 8:40 am. I stand up from my bed, and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I walk past Keith, his right hand reaches towards me to grasp the sleeve of my left arm. I freeze in place, and he quickly tears his hand away from my jacket as though it burnt him. I feel a quick burst of fear and regret course through my veins, and I try my best to send some sort of comfort through the bond. I hesitantly turn around to face him once more, and he instantly looks away from me. He opens his mouth once, before closing it, and opening it once more. 

"Nevermind. It's not important. I'll see you later." He looks dejected as I he turns to go back to sit on his bed.

As he passes me, I repeat his actions and grab his sleeve as well. He freezes up in shock, and spins around to face me. His eyes are widened and sparkling, cheeks are flushed pink, mouth parted in surprise, and fingers wrapped around my hand holding his sleeve as though he's afraid I'll let go. Or maybe he's just afraid this isn't actually happening. That I'm not actually acknowledging him, and am instead still ignoring his very presence. 

"Sorry, I'm just slightly nervous about everything. What with finding out who my soulmate is, the nightmare, and my first day of college, I'm just a bit overwhelmed. I didn't know how to respond to your statement and apology, so I just kind of blanked and nodded." I lie to him. 

I don't know why I lied to him. Maybe I just didn't want to have to deal with the emotions that were sure to flood the bond, had I left the conversation at that. I try to tell myself this, but I know that's not it. I know that I chose to get his attention once more because I couldn't stand the thought of causing him pain and sadness. That I couldn't stand the sight of his beautiful smile being turned into a frown, and his brightly colored cheeks losing all color. I couldn't stand it, but I'd never admit to that. Not to him, or anyone else. Not even really to myself

I don't want to admit that I care, nor do I want to admit that I'm so obviously falling for him already. I don't want to admit it, so I don't. I don't admit it because there's no need to. I won't accept it, so there's no need to admit to it. I'll continue to lie to myself, lie to my friends, and lie to keith because I refuse to fall for him. I refuse to fall for someone that has caused me so much misery, just because he's beautiful....

No. He's not just beautiful. He's perfect. He's sweet, understanding, shy, soft, kind, and just absolutely gorgeous. I don't know who he truly is though. I've known him for a single day and night, and he's already spun me and my emotions in every direction. I don't know what type of person he is, what his likes or dislikes are, who his family is, who his friends are, what he does in his free time, what his life was like outside of what I felt. All I know, is that he's my soulmate, and that he's been abused and raped since he was a child. That's all I know. Nothing more, and nothing less. 

I can't fall in love with someone I don't know, and in my mind I don't want to get to know him. I'm perfectly fine with having nothing to do with him. He's done nothing but cause me pain, and I doubt that will change. He means nothing to me right now, and I'm gonna make sure that doesn't ever change. 

\---------------------------Timeskip to lunch--------------------------

I walk through the cafeteria doors with a lot less pep in my step compared to this morning. I left my dorm ready to make great impressions and enjoy my new college life, I ended the first half of my classes ready to dig up 6 feet of dirt and die in an early grave. 

As I make my way through the lunch line, I spend my time surveying the cafeteria, looking for where my friends are sat. A flash of yellow catches my eye, and I look in that direction. I notice my buddy Hunk, sitting at the table closest to the window, and wave at him. He waves back, and nudges someone next to him. I see Pidge's head pop out from behind him as they wave to me as well. I smile at them, and go to pick up my food. There's not much to choose from, so I just grab a slice of cheese pizza and fill my cup up with some mango slushie. I head to our table with my food, and sit down across from Hunk. 

"Hey guys" I say as I take a bite out of my pizza. 

"Hey Lance! Look! Look at my wrist!" Hunk shouted excitedly as he shoved his wrist into my face.

I chuckle at his excitement, and slowly grasp his wrist in my hands. I pull it off of my face, and far enough away so that I can see what he's showing me. My eyes widen in shock as I see black ink on the inside of his wrist, and I grip his arm tighter as I stare at the marking there. There's a name there. 

"Shay Eiden" I read the words out loud. 

"We met in chemistry class! She's so beautiful Lance, and she is just the sweetest person ever! She'll be joining us for lunch in a few minutes, and I can't wait to introduce you guys. Pidge already met her cause she has the same class." Hunk tells me, far more animated than usual. 

He's got a blinding smile on his face, and I can't help but to stare at it in joy. There's nothing I love more then seeing my best friend happy and excited. I glance over to Pidge to see her looking at him the same way. Hunk has always been our best bud, and we want nothing more then for him to be the happiest guy alive He's our sunshine, and he deserves a sunshine of his own. 

"Yah, she's really nice. We only got to talk for a few minutes though because Hunk stole her away from me. Speaking of soulmates though, where's loverboy Keith?" Pidge asks me with a smirk on her face. 

Right after she finishes asking her question, a pretty brunette shows up beside our table allowing me a distraction from answering the question. I notice pidge getting up, and sitting beside me instead, allowing the girl to sit next to Hunk in her place. I take a moment to observe the girl in front of me, who I assume is Shay. 

She has very dark, brown hair that reaches down to just above her butt. She has very tanned, beautiful skin with freckles dusting across her cheeks and shoulders. Her eyes are a pretty green, with flecks of gold in them. She also seems to be about Hunk's height, which is pretty unfairly tall. As I take a look at her outfit, I notice that she's wearing jean shorts, a white tank top, and a blue flannel. It reminds me of Keith's outfit, and I feel as though I have to physically push the thoughts of him that arise, to the very back of my head. 

"Hi, you must be Lance. My names Shay, if Hunk hasn't told you already" She greets me with a slightly deeper voice then I expected. It's smooth and a little bit deep, but it actually fits her a lot better than any other voice could. It's soothing almost. 

"That's my name, don't wear it out" I respond with a slight chuckle, grabbing her stretched out hand to give it a shake. 

I send her what I hope to be a warm and comforting smile, and she sends one right back at me. I instantly decide that I like her, and that she's a great choice for Hunk. She seems extremely sweet just from that small interaction, and I just hope she's always like that. I want the best for my friends, and soulmates are no exception if they're toxic people. 

We talk for a bit, getting to know each other, and soon enough Pidge and I fade out of the conversation. We watch as Hunk and Shay gush over each other. Getting excited every single time they find out that they have something in common. So far they both like baking, romance movies, animals, karaoke, anime, and reading. I smile at them again as I watch them interact with each other. 

I'm snapped out of my happy thoughts by pidge nudging me in the side. I glance over to her to see what's wrong, and notice the worried look on her face. A worried frown replaces the happy smile I was wearing mere seconds ago, and I anxiously ask her what's up. 

"Don't get mad, and don't try to change the topic. Did you and Keith get into a fight or something?" She asks hesitantly. 

"No, of course not. Why do you ask?"

She glances somewhere behind me again, and then looks me in the eyes. 

"Don't make it obvious when you look, but he's sitting at the table two down from ours."

I turn slightly in my seat, and glance out of the corner of my eye. I notice Keith sitting alone at a table, nobody going to sit with him, and only an apple on the table. That's when I realize the crushing loneliness through our bond, and realize that I hadn't even offered for him to join us. I mean sure, I don't really want anything to do with him, but I shouldn't outcast my soulmate after our first day of meeting. He doesn't even know what's going on with me. The least I could do is explain to him that I need space, and allow him to hang out with my friends and I when he's alone. 

WARNING- bullying, non-consensual touching (rubbing of the waist and stuff like that. It's not too bad, but please be careful anyway), homophobic comments, one sentence of a mention of pedophilia, mention of child prostitution, and sexual comments. If any of this triggers you, then please skip this scene. Summary of the scene will be provided at the end of the scene, where you will find a dashed line to signal its end.

Just as I'm about to get up to go and invite him to sit with us, I notice a group of about 6 jocks moving towards his table. I freeze up, and stare at them making their way towards Keith. Keith must feel my worry and fear, because he instantly turns his body to the side, searching eyes surveying each table in the way before landing on my eyes. He looks confused for a moment before one of the jocks call out to him. 

I watch as his whole body freezes up in fear. Terror flooding our connection, and a slight tremor taking over his body. I watch as they make their way closer to him, and one of the sits down next to him as another rests their upper body on his head. I take notice to the guy resting on his hands inching onto his waist. Fingers searching to slip under the black shirt he's wearing. 

I see his shirt ride up as the guy carcasses the skin of his waist, and seems to whisper something to him. I watch as his face loses all color, and he seems to be on the verge of throwing up and then passing out. He looks like he's an empty shell of a human being, as his whole body goes completely still. His eyes seems to glaze over, and a tear slips down from one. 

I snap out of it after seeing that, and stand up as fast as possible. I make my way over to them, and as I near the table I start to understand what they're saying to him.

"We heard you found your soulmate, where is he? You're all alone over here, did he already reject you? I bet he did. No one would want a faggot like you. You're fucking disgusting. How much do you take for your services, huh? You'd probably fuck everyone in this room for some spare change. You're fucking disgusting. Just a gay slut that no one wants. No wonder you and your brother are orphans. Even your birth parents didn't want you. I wonder," the man leaning on him pauses as a slimy smirk grows on his face. He leans close to Keith, licking his ear before whispering into it. I just barely catch what he says, and I instantly feel vomit rising in my throat. 

"How many guys did you and your little brother have to fuck to make it on the streets. I bet you both got a lot of customers. How many diseases do you have? Hm?" I snap out of it, and rush forward passed the other 4 guys. 

"HEY! Get the fuck away from him, and shut the hell up! You're such a disgusting disgrace, and if you don't want me reporting you to your coach, and get you kicked off of the team, I'd listen to me." I angrily yell at them, causing their faces to whip to the side to stare at me in shock. 

The one leaning on Keith scoffed before telling keith he'll be back later, and then promptly fucking off with the rest of his fuckboy group. I look down at Keith as I place my hand on his shoulder, rubbing my thumb in soothing circles. I kneeled down in front of him to see his face tilted down, tears falling onto his knees where his hands are curled into tight fists. I carefully tilt his face up to face me with my pointer and middle fingers. His eyes find mine as I pull my hand away, and his violet gems clash with my ocean blue ones. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SUMMARY FOR PEOPLE WHO SKIPPED THE SCENE- So basically a group of 6 jocks walked up to Keith and one of them started getting inappropriate. He started to touch Keith's waist under his shirt, basically talked about how Keith and his younger brother were probably prostitutes after they got kicked out of the orphanage, and just said rude and hurtful things to him. They also alluded to Keith's soulmate having rejected him since he was sitting all alone. Lance scared them away, and is now crouched in front of Keith. He lifted his chin up to meet his eyes, and they're looking at each other.

"Are you okay?" I ask him carefully, his eyes following the movement of my lips as I do so. 

He nods to me, his hair tickling my nose as he does so, and I realize how extremely close our faces are. My eyes flicker down to his lips, as his do the same, only to flick back up to meet his again. We both stare at each other for another minute, before his eyes start to drift closed. I start to move closer to him as I feel a strong pull. 

I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him SO bad. Everything in my body, and my conscience, is telling me to kiss the living hell out of him, and claim his lips as mine. To run my fingers through his raven locks, and tug a bit to get a reaction out of him. To kiss away every bad word those jocks said to him minutes ago, yank his head back by his hair, and kiss his pale, unblemished neck. Mark him up so that no one ever confuses him as a reject again. Let everyone know he's mine.

I lay my left hand onto his cheek, and he nuzzles into it, sighing in happiness as his eyes flicker open. He has a loving smile on his face, as he gazes into my eyes. Just as I'm about to act on my thoughts and impulses, the lunch bell rings throughout the room causing us to split apart alarmingly fast. Our eyes widened, and I tore my hand away from him as though touching him had burned me. 

I notice his saddened face, and felt his disappointment rush through me. I snapped out of it quickly enough, and looked away from the cute display right in front of me. 

What in the hell am I doing? Was I seriously just about to kiss him? To... do all of the other things I had thought about to him? Fuck! I told myself my feelings wouldn't change. That I'd hate him no matter what. I can't go kissing someone I hate. It just doesn't make any logical sense. I can't get too attached. I know I can't, so why do I want nothing more than to reach over and smash his lips into mine anyway? Why do I want him to laugh underneath me as I press ticklish kisses to his neck? Why do I want to see a bright smile blossom on his face as I hold his hand, bringing it to my mouth to press a loving kiss to it? Why? Why do I want nothing more than to make him the happiest boy in the world, and never let that fearful look cross his face again?

I stand up from my crouched position, and clear my throat. His violet eyes follow my movements, and with every centimeter I distance myself from him I feel him grow even more disappointed. 

"Tomorrow..." I paused for a moment, locking eyes with him. "Tomorrow, and any other day, if you don't know where to sit then come find me. You can sit with my friends and I so that you're not all alone. Before you interrupt me, I can feel when you're lonely so your lies won't work on me." I say my Piece and get ready to walk away, and go to my next class. 

I freeze for a moment, and turn back around to look at Keith. His tear stained cheeks, messed up hair from the guy leaning on him, shirt slightly riding up on his belly, and eyes glistening as they held my stare. 

"Oh, and..." I hesitate before saying the next part. "Don't listen to what those assholes said to you, and what anyone else might rudely say to you as well. Their comments mean nothing. So, just ignore them, ok?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be editing this entire chapter tomorrow as it's 4:09 am right now, and I'd probably only add to the mistakes. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm thinking about possibly doing a q&a thing in the notes, so if you have any questions for me feel free to comment them. Any question is perfectly fine, and feel free to send personal ones if you want.


	5. Temptations

I walked away from Keith after saying my piece, and winced as I felt hope and happiness flood our bond from his side. I don't want him to be hopeful. I don't want to lead him on. I don't want to hurt him...

But I also don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to get attached to him, only for him to hurt me again. I don't want to put my friends in a position where they have to see me go through what I went through from age 7 to 17, again. I don't want them to worry about me, and I don't want to get hurt. I know that if I grow to love him, like both the bond and even my heart wants me to, I'll just end up getting hurt again. Somehow, some way, I'll get hurt again. I don't want that. I'm TERRIFIED of that. 

I take a minute to glance back at Keith, and see him smiling down at his lap. His right hand stroking his cheek, right where I had held him. His hand slowly makes his way down to his lips, and I feel slight embarrassment and excitement flow through our bond. I know he's thinking about our almost kiss, and I can't help but to do the same. 

I still have such a strong urge to run back over there, and kiss him until we have no choice but to pull away to breath. To make him melt under me as I kiss away every fear and doubt. I want to make him forget his own name, and for his head to be filled with nothing but me. 

I have to physically shake my head to rid myself of those thoughts, and I notice Keith staring at me. His face is bright red, and I realize he probably felt the same excitement I just did. I turn away from him, extremely embarrassed, and walk out of the cafeteria. I have 2 more classes to go to, and then I can head back to my dorm for the rest of the day.

\---------------Time skip passed the two classes--------------

As soon as I arrived to my dorm room I opened the door, slammed it shut behind me, plopped my belongings onto the desk, and flopped onto my bed in exhaustion. I was too distracted to notice Keith jumping in fear at the door slamming, and letting out a yelp. I was also too distracted to notice Keith's worried glance as he watches me flop onto my bed, in what was probably the most ungraceful way possible. 

"Are you... um. Are you okay?" He hesitantly asks me. 

I jolt up in bed in surprise, having no clue he was in the room with me. I frantically rush to fix my appearance, hoping he didn't realize how disheveled I was from the long day. As I straighten up my shirt I glance over to Keith. My mouth drops open at the view I'm greeted with. I nearly pass out from the sight of Keith's outfit.

Keith's outfit consists of a huge pink sweater, reaching down to his mid thigh, and thigh high black socks. The sweater is made of a soft looking cotton, and slightly drapes off of Keith's right shoulder. His shoulder and collar bone revealed by the sweater, causing my mouth to water a bit. My eyes drift down to the bottom of the oversized sweater to see Keith's supple pale thighs. I gulp as I see his black thigh highs gripping onto the skin of those thighs. As my eyes trail lower, I coo on the inside. Something about seeing Keith's feet and legs wrapped in the thin cotton fabric of black socks, and his upper body being swallowed by an oversized sweater makes me want to cuddle up to him and protect him from the world. 

He looks absolutely precious, and I can't help the slight awe that escapes my lips. I glance up at Keith's sharp inhale, to see his face a bright red once again. His cute freckles, button nose, reddened face, and fluffy hair only add to the cuteness of his appearance. I can't help, but to signal for him to come closer to me. 

He shyly shuffles closer to me, following my directions. As he approaches me, I take my time to look over his outfit once more. Soon enough, he's standing directly in front of me. I look up, and make eye contact with him. I reach my hand up to brush his bangs away from his face, and tuck them behind his ear. He takes another sharp inhale, and his face brightens a few shades at the action. 

He nuzzles into the touch, and I once again coo on the inside at the sight of him. I move my hand down to his cheek, and stroke the soft skin there. As I do so, his eyes flutter shut. 

"You look beautiful" I say without realizing. 

His eyes shoot open to look at me in surprise, and I feel a rush of giddiness flood our bond as he seems to jump for joy on the inside. I feel my face soften at this, and I wonder to myself if it would really be bad to give in. 

What could he possibly do to me? The worst that could happen, is I die from cuteness overload. He's probably the sweetest angel I've ever met in my entire life. Even sweeter then little Josie back at home, and she's a precious little 5 year old that melts anyone's heart no matter how frozen they are. Why should I fight the obvious bond we have? Why should I continue to hate someone so innocent and beautiful, both inside and out? What do I gain from doing that? Aren't I just fighting the inevitable? 

I glance down to my hand stroking his cheek, and then meet his eyes once again. I can feel his hope rising as he glances at my lips. He wants to kiss me. He wants to kiss me just as much as I want to kiss him. His eyes slowly flutter closed for the second time today, and he starts to lean forward. I want it. I want it so bad, but I'm too stubborn to give in to the inevitable. 

I pull away before his lips can touch mine, and I walk away from him. I grab my phone and keys from my desk, and start heading towards the door. I don't look back. I don't see the crushed look he gives me. I don't pay attention to the overwhelming loneliness and sadness filling the bond. I don't think about how much I just destroyed him again. I just grab my stuff and leave. 

I head over to the dorm room beside ours, and knock on the door. I hear people moving around behind it, and what sounds like Pidge yelling for hunk to get the door followed by hunk huffing about her being lazy. The door swings open to Hunk standing at the door, and Pidge sitting on her bed. 

"I'm gonna head to the cafe next to campus, you guys wanna join me? You can invite Shay as well." Hunk's face brightens as the name of his soulmate passes my lips. 

"Yah that sounds fun" Pidge says with a dangerous looking smirk on her face. 

I try not to think of the implications behind that smirk as I wait at the door for them to get ready. We decide to pick Shay up on our way out, after Hunk gets a confirmation that she'll come with us. I decide to wait by my car for them to all get together and ready, as I let them know. 

Soon enough I see them walking towards my car and me. I soon realize what Pidge's smirk meant as i see her dragging a nervous Keith behind her. I grimace, but quickly school my expression into one of indifference. They all make their way to my car, and get into their seats. Hunk on the left seat in the back, Shay in the middle, Pidge in the right, and Keith having no choice but to sit in the passenger seat. I put my keys into the ignition, and turn the car on. Feeling the rumble of my car as it turns on, and quickly putting the radio on. I play Beautiful by Monsta X, and listen to everyone in the back whooping as they start to sing in their choppy, half-assed Korean. I laugh at their attempts before joining in. I notice Keith seemingly mouth along with the correct lyrics, and I grin at him. He turns a little red before returning my smile. 

I focus back on the road, and continue driving. It's only about a 5 minute drive to the cafe, so we only really get to listen to the one song. As we pull up to the place, we all start to clamber out of the car. I hear the little gremlin complain about moving, but I choose to ignore it. I look up at the modern cafe, and read out the name. 

"Cafe Rose. It looks really nice" I happily state. 

My friends nod in agreement, and we all walk into the place. We take a seat at one of the window booths. Hunk and Shay sitting together on one side and Keith sitting by the window of the other seat, me sitting in the middle, and pidge sitting at the end of the seat next to me. 

All of a sudden Pidge freezes up beside me. I notice as her wrist slowly gets a name inked into it, and I can't help but to squeal out in joy. Everyone at the table looks at me weirdly, besides Pidge of course, and I watch as the name Elise Amone (pronounced as Ah-lease Ah-mo-neigh) writes itself into her inner wrist. She stares down at her wrist in shock and excitement, and I notice her eyes getting teary. 

I hear a gasp from the right side of the room, and my eyes follow the noise. There stands a girl seemingly the same age as us, in a waiters outfit. She has bright, crystal like blue eyes that I can see shine even from across the room. Her hair is a light brown color, and reaches to about her chin. She has the same freckles as Keith, they splash across her cheeks and nose. Her ears are covered with piercings. Two on her earlobe, and three helix piercings. The top two helix piercings are filled with small, silver hoop earrings, and the third is a small, silver hoop with a thin, silver chain connecting to the closer of the two lobe piercings. The second lobe piercing is filled with a small diamond earring, and the one connected to the chain is also a small hoop earring. Both ears have identical piercings, and then a small diamond stud is worn as a nose piercing on the right side. She's wearing a red beanie in addition to her uniform, and she seems to be about 2 inches taller than Pidge. 

Her uniform consists of a cropped white shirt, a black ruffled skirt with a white apron over it, and a short sleeved, black jacket with her nametag on it. The uniform highlights her hourglass figure, and shows off her diamond belly button piercing. She has long legs, and her skin is slightly tanned. Overall, she's very beautiful and I'm glad she's Pidge's soulmate. 

A bright, white smile forms on her face in childlike wonder, revealing a dimpled, right cheek. She frantically looks at all of the customers until her eyes find Pidge. A look of awe crosses her face, and she shyly makes her way over to our table. I try to send her my best comforting smile, and it seems to work. She gets a bit more confidence in her movement, and is soon enough standing at our table. 

Pidge finally looks up from her wrist, and I watch as her eyes drastically widen as a blush spreads across her cheeks. She takes her time examining her soulmate, and with each second that passes her soulmate grows even more red and embarrassed.

"Woah" pidge states in awe, causing Elise and me to chuckle. 

"Hi... You're Katie, right?" She shyly asks. 

She has a voice like honey, and I notice Pidge gulp after hearing it. I can already hear the wedding bells, and I smile in excitement. Knowing that Pidge is having a hard time paying attention and speaking, I go to speak for her... but someone else beats me to it. 

"Yah, she's Katie. She's been extremely excited to meet you, and I think we can all tell you certainly didn't disappoint her" Keith states with a small giggle. 

My eyes widen at his statement, and my heart soars at the sound of his soft giggle. I watch as Pidge gasps, and then practically leaps over me to slap Keith. He bursts out laughing at her action, and everyone else soon enough joins him. His laugh is infectious, and I can't help but feel slightly jealous by the fact that I wasn't the one to coax it out of him. 

"Would you guys mind if I joined you?" Elise asks as her face tints pink, and her hands play with the hem of her skirt. 

"Sure!" Pidge interrupts before anyone else gets the chance to even think about responding. She quickly grows embarrassed, and goes to fix her over-excited response. "Aren't you in the middle of working though? I wouldn't want to get you in trouble" 

"Ah, it's fine. My parents own the cafe, and I'm gonna be the next owner in a few years. They'll be too ecstatic finding out I found my soulmate to care about me taking a break during my shift. So... May I sit?"

"Yah, of course" Pidge states trying to come off as more calm than before. 

The two lovebirds start to discuss their interests, and get to know each other, as Hunk and Shay do the same. I listen to them get to know each other as I smile to myself. I'm glad to see they're happy. I feel something shifting nervously beside me, and then a finger tap me on the shoulder. I turn slightly to face keith, and he blushes at the attention. 

"H-hi" he stutters out. 

"Hey" I respond. 

I don't really want to talk to him, but I know that that's only going to make things awkward and tense. I don't want to upset my friends during their soulmate bonding time.

"What are you thinking about?" Keith's words snap me out of my thoughts, and I turn to look at him once more. "You always seem so distant. You get this far away look on your face, and you always seem to be conflicted. Like you're constantly fighting against your own thoughts and feelings. I can feel how stressed and annoyed you are through our bond, and I can't help but to feel as though It's all because of me. I'm a good listener. If you're having a problem with our bond, or are having a hard time with something then you can tell me. I'll hear you out, I won't judge you at all, and then maybe I can even try to help you figure some stuff out. You're not alone, you know? You have Pidge, Hunk, your family, and me. I may not be the best person to have a full conversation with, but I'll always lend an ear to you. I know we just met, but i care about you a lot Lance. I want what's best for you, and I want to be able to help you when you need help. I want to be there for you, but I can't do that if you keep pushing me away so forcefully." He finishes his statement with a nervous breath.


	6. The Story Unfolds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to things that may not seem important. You never know what could be a part of the bigger picture. 
> 
> I wrote this entire chapter today, and I'm pretty sure it's the longest one I've ever written lol
> 
> Also, I'm thinking about doing a Q&A. I have some questions from other people on different social medias, and figured it may be fun to answer them on here as well. If you have any questions about me or about my writing, go ahead and comment them!
> 
> Oh, and yes the puppy described as Elise's is mine XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be editing this when I wake up, as it's once again 4:08 am, and I've probably made countless errors in my writing. I really need to stop having random bursts of writing inspiration during late hours of the night XD

He looks at me nervously, and I can feel his body trembling beside me. His breathing grows ragged, and I can tell he's regretting saying anything at all. I feel his anxiety flooding our bond to the point where I don't even know what I'M feeling anymore. 

I grab his hand in mine, to calm the shaking, and give him my best comforting smile. It seems to work as the trembling slows, and his breathing evens out. I can feel him through the bond relaxing again, but he's definitely still anxious.

"Keith, I-" I go to respond before being interrupted. 

"Hi, may I take your order?" The waiter asks us. 

I turn to Keith as the feeling of dread passes through our bond, and I give his hand a squeeze. His eyes meet mine, and I give him another smile, and he returns it. I quickly lean in to whisper to him before the waitress gets to me for my order. 

"As soon as we get back to the dorm. I promise I'll talk to you then, ok? Just wait until we're alone so we don't make a scene or cause the others to feel uncomfortable. I promise you, I won't brush you off this time." I whisper in his ear. 

The more I say to him, the calmer he gets. I hear him release a relaxed sigh, and I give his hand another soft, comforting squeeze. We quickly give the waitress our orders before going back to conversing with each other. 

"So, Keith, right?" Elise asks from across the table. 

"Y-yah" He stammers in response, squeezing my hand a bit due to nerves and reminding me that we're still holding hands in the first place. I don't take my hand away. 

"Have you met your soulmate yet?" 

I notice Keith nervously looking at me, and I feel doubt rising through our bond. Does he think I don't even want people knowing we're soulmates? I mean sure I dislike the whole soulmate thing... but I... I don't necessarily dislike Keith himself. I guess I don't. 

"Actually yah," I lift my right wrist up so she can see Keith's name tattooed across it. "We met just yesterday. Found out we're roommates of all things" I answer her with a neutral smile. 

She nods her head happily at my answer, and claps her hands a few times. She quickly schools her excitement a bit as she notices Pidge practically giving her loving eyes the whole time. Her face erupts into color, and it reminds me of Keith every single time I look at him. I chuckle a bit at my thoughts, and the image in my head of Keith. All I have to do is do a quick once over, and he turns into a cute tomato. 

"That's so cool! I don't go to school. I mean, I went to school, and graduated from high school, but I never went to college. Once I turned 18 I decided I was going to take over the shop, and I've been her for a little bit over a year since then. So I'm 19 now! I just don't feel the need to waste so much money, when I'm perfectly happy with running my parents business. I mean I love this little place. You get to meet so many new people, and it's right next to the campus so you get a lot of stressed out college kids. I like to give them a bit of a discount because they have enough stress to worry about. Plus, I hated school. I love learning things so much, but the school system takes every single ounce of joy or love for learning and turns it into hatred. If the school system was a little less about making every student feel like they're stupid, worthless, and ready to die from the stress then maybe I'd want to go. I still love reading and writing though. I Hate the subject because I can't just write or read about bullshit I have no interest in, but I love doing it the way I want to. Sitting down to read a book, and experiencing a whole new world is so cool. Although, writing your own world and seeing how others see it is even cooler! I write a lot of poems, songs, stories, and fanfictions. I love getting to write about something completely different then anything else I've ever read, and see how it all unfolds. I always write little snippets I want to have happen, but sometimes my writing takes a different turn as I'm writing it, and then everything I write after that is like a whole new story even to myself. I'm practically just a reader at that point. Reading though, is one of those things that school could never completely ruin for me. They could force me to read Shakespeare's books, poems I never understood, or literature that they tried to explain as being much deeper then they truly were, but they will never take away the joy of reading. Once you sit down with a good book, it's so calming and beautiful to envision the scenes described to you. Envisioning an entire human being, that doesn't even really exist, with the given description, and making it your own. Using symbolism, foreshadowing, personification, and so much more to paint such a vivid and beautiful picture then you could ever imagine just a few sentences to be capable of. I read this one series titled 'Legend' by Marie Lu, and I just fell in love with it. I loved being able to envision the dystopian world created by the author was so fun. Plus, following the main character, Day and June, on their adventure together to freedom is so amazing. Seeing the different twists and turns the characters perspectives of things take, and seeing how their character develops and changes. I always envisioned Day to kind of look like a blue eyed, more rundown version of Edward Elric from FMA! I... Sorry" She pauses for a moment as her face, ears, neck, and even the tops of her shoulders turn red. "I get really passionate about certain things, and then I just go into full on rant mode. It gets pretty annoying to a lot of people, so I'm sorry about that." She looks down as she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and red beanie. 

I glance over at Keith to see him practically vibrating, and that's when I finally feel the extreme excitement coming from him. His eyes are glistening with excitement as it's clear that his full attention was on Elise. I can see his body shaking with barely concealed excitement, and I watch as he quickly opens his mouth to speak. 

"You read 'Legend'!?" He gasps out, his voice obviously surprising everyone at the table including even himself. 

Elise's eyes snap to Keith's, and a grin lights up her entire face. She nods her head about 20 times within a second, and I briefly worry if her neck is going to just snap right off. Keith's excited gasp snaps me out of my worried thoughts, and I look at him again. 

His eyes are alight with joy, and his mouth is stretched around a blinding, white, toothy smile. His face lightly colors, causing his freckles to pup out against the pink dusted cheeks. His dimples are highlighted due to his smile, and his little nose is scrunched up on his face. Even his eyes are crinkled. 

"Who's your favorite character!? Mine's Day. I know it's really original to like him, but I just can't help it. The way he sacrifices everything he has to save his little brother Eden and Tess just feels so close to home for me, and I can't help but relate to him the most. He risked everything he had to find the cure for Eden, and to protect Tess even though she was just an orphan that he never needed to take responsibility for. I hated his relationship with June though. I mean, yeah, they're the cannon couple, but I just feel like Tess and Day would've fit so much better. June doubted Day, and nearly left him for the new ruler so many times. She didn't even truly care for him for so long, and her love just seems so superficial. Tess on the other hand owes her life to Day. He saved her, and she loves him with all of her heart. She had such a crush on the guy, and she got so hurt when June was chosen in place of her. He also just sounds really hot, and I had the biggest crush on him when I was 15." Keith gushes out practically all in one breath. 

I watch as Elise grows excited with every word he speaks, and I frantically try to follow along in the conversation. I feel like I'm getting left behind, and I take whatever I can grasp to rejoin the conversation. 

"You crushed on a book character?" I ask him jokingly, letting out a soft chuckle at the way his face blushes a bit more in embarrassment. 

"Duh, of course I fucking did. The kid was 15, a rebel above all rebels, bright blue crystals for eyes, long golden hair, an attachment to his family like no other, and never once gave up no matter what he was put through. Even when he was beaten and barely able to stand, he kept going to save the ones he loved. That's something I always looked to for inspiration and hope. Something I was always able to read about and think, 'Hey, he kept going so I can too'. He was a huge inspiration for me, even if he was just a book character" Keith finishes as he shyly twirls his hair around his pointer finger. 

"Oh my god, I know right? He was so admirable! I loved the scene where-" their voices drown out as I slowly get lost in my thoughts. 

What did Keith mean by all of that? "Hey, he kept going so I can too"? Does that mean he had moments where he was ready to give up? I mean sure he had moments where I could feel how bad he was emotionally, but it never seemed as bad as that. He always seemed like he was determined. Determined for what? I have no clue, but he was determined nonetheless. It was one of the reasons I despised him when I was younger.

WARNING- The next paragraph will be kind of describing the pain Lance and Keith went through as children. Rape or abuse will not be described as though they're currently happening, but the aftermath of the injuries will. If you're sensitive to descriptions of pain, descriptions of the injuries sustained during rape, or are sensitive to anything like that then please skip the next paragraph. Thank you. 

I'd be lying on the ground bruised, broken, torn apart inside and out, feeling like my bones are broken, and my insides are scrambled and torn to shreds. Keith, well, he would be determined and hopeful. I'd be lying on the ground, feeling only muffled versions of what he's feeling, ready to give up and feeling broken down into nothing. He would be determined. No matter what happened to him, he was determined. It pissed me off so much. I was ready to give up when I wasn't even experiencing the full extent of what he was, and yet he was always keeping it together and still having enough strength to keep going. I was so jealous of how easy it was for him to keep going. So jealous of how easy it was for his guts to be scrambled, bones to be broken, cuts to be bleeding, and still get up and keep going. 

I always wondered what kept him going. What kept him fighting so damn hard to stay alive and determined. Why he was always so adamant on staying alive from age 7-16, why he was so exhausted at age 16, and why he was so happy and relieved from age 17 to now. I never understood it, but deep down I knew. I knew that I didn't just hate him. I didn't just feel jealous of him. 

I wanted to save him. My entire life after I turned 7, all I could think about was saving my soulmate. Taking him away from the people hurting him, and taking him home. Bringing him to my mom, and letting her dote on him. Taking him to my dad, and letting him show him what fatherly love is. Taking him to my siblings, and letting him see how crazy a big family can be. Taking him to my room, and showing him that he was safe there. Bandaging his injuries, and letting him know what it was like for his injuries to actually heal for once. Treating his bruises with ice, and letting him see what his skin used to look like before it was turned into a canvas of blues, yellows, greens, and blacks. 

I wanted to save him, but that dream soon got overridden by hatred. It got overridden by anger and jealousy. I no longer cared enough about saving him. I just wanted him to no longer exist. I abhorred him for making me suffer. I detested his very existence, and the very existence of soulmates in general.

"Hey Lance, what do you like to do?" Elise asks me, effectively snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, well I love water. Whether it's swimming, surfing, diving, pool volleyball, or something else i just love it. I grew up on Varadero Beach in Cuba, so my entire life was spent by the water. Anytime I wanted to get away from life, play with my friends, relax, or think I'd go down to the beach and swim all day. Watching the fish swim by my feet, exploring caves near the area, surfing on waves, feeling the cool water on my skin, watching the stars in the sky, finding constellations while floating in the water. As long as i was near the ocean, I was happy. I come from a big family, so I have a lot of siblings. Nicolás my 24 year old brother, Benji my 16 year old brother, Mateo my 8 year old brother, Rosa my 14 year old sister, Camilla my 10 year old sister, and Josie my 5 year old sister. We'd always run to to the beach first thing in the morning and have races. Whether it be swimming, surfing, or diving we'd race as fast as possible and hold competitions. Whoever one got to get the last helping of food, and whoever lost had to clean up after dinner. We fought constantly, but it was never out of anything but love. Every Friday, we'd wait until it was dark out. We'd always wait until it was dark, and the stars were out. We'd take our sticks, a bag of marshmallows, chocolate, graham crackers, and lawn chairs out as we'd all gather around the fire pit. We'd spend hours staying up and watching the stars. Seeing how many constellations we could find, racing to point them out before the other. Mama was always the best at it. Never cared if the game was for the children because she kicked our asses back and forth in any competition she wanted to. We always knew it was game over when mama pointed out a constellation. She'd say, "Oh the Big Dipper is right there!" In this excited voice. Her eyes would light up with excited as she'd tell us stories about each constellations. Pointing out a patch of stars that looked like a person, as though we were cloud watching, and making up an entire story about the adventures they had. We always watched with our undivided attentions. Hanging off of each word she spoke, like it was all we had left. Those were the days we always looked forward to. Seeing our mama so joyful, our dad looking at her with such a loving stare, and all the children together enjoying S'mores. To this day, it's still those Fridays that hold the highest place in my heart." I finish up as I look at everyone. 

I notice Hunk and Pidge giving me fond smiles, Elise with teary eyes and a watery smile directed towards me, Shay looking at Hunk as though he's her universe, and Keith looking at the table as though he's deeply thinking about something. He meets my eyes with a determined look, and I can only imagine what he could possibly be up to. 

"What about you, Keith? Do you have any siblings?" Elise asks kindly. 

I notice Keith freeze up for a split second, but then our bond fills with love and affection. I turn to him to see him wearing a shy smile, and his eyes containing what I can only see as a fond look. 

"Yah. I have a younger brother named Keiji. He's 10 years old, nearing 11." He speaks with clear affection. 

As much as I try not to think about it, my mind drifts back to a time almost 11 years ago. A time where my life changed for the worst. I give Keith a confused glance, but he doesn't seem to catch it 

"What's he like!?" Elise asks with a newfound excitement. 

"He's an absolute sweetheart. Always doing his best to stay out of trouble, very polite, extremely protective over me, would oddly literally murder someone for sushi, treats animals as though they're people, almost always seen with a new book every single day no matter how big the one the day before was, can literally destroy anyone in video games, loves to draw or do anything in the art category, loves to sing, and loves to binge watch SVU no matter how many times Allura or Shiro tell him it's not something a child should watch. I dote on him way too much though. As much as people like to say he's the one with the brother complex, I'm a lot worse. If it wasn't for Shiro holding me back, I'd probably spoil the kid so rotten he'd never be able to fend for himself. I always wonder if he's doing ok with just the two of them at home, but I know he's an extremely strong little guy. He's young, but he's very tough and stubborn." Keith finishes with a laugh. 

"Who's Shiro and Allura? Are they friends?" Elise asks in confusion.

"Ah, no. They're my adoptive parents. They adopted us when I was 17, and Keiji was only 9. Shiro's only 26 years old, and Allura is only 28. Shiro prefers being like an older brother to us, and we prefer it as well. Sometimes Keiji will call Allura mom, and he'll go back and forth between calling me dad and big brother, but that's a lot rarer these days. I think he was just having a hard time adjusting" Keith responds.

"Ah, I get it. I have a friend who was adopted at an older age as well by a younger parent, and they prefer the same thing. Says it's awkward calling someone only a few years older than them mom and dad." Elise tells Keith in understanding. 

They go back and forth for a little while longer as we finish our drinks. As we do finish up, we settle into a relaxing conversation, and we all take the time to learn a bit more about each other. Keith stays quiet for the most part, but speaks when asked a direct question. 

I learn a lot about Elise due to her being the newest member to the group. She has a lot of anxiety, and can easily grow panicked in crowded areas or high stress situations. She also loves to play piano and sing, but hates doing concerts or sharing her talents with a crowd or other people in general. She played as the middle blocker for her high school volleyball team, and still loves the sport. She's a panromantic asexual, and was very happy to find out that Pidge is asexual as well. She loves watching anime, and has a weak spot for anything BL or yaoi in both anime and reading materials. She has a one year old, Miniature Australian Shepherd named Mika after Mikaela Hyakuya from the anime Owari No Seraph. She's also a huge fan of Kpop, and very hesitant reveals, with probably the reddest face I've seen so far, that she has a BUNCH of BTS merch. 

Overall I learn a lot about Pidge's soulmate, and even a few more small pieces of information about my own soulmate. I even make a mental note to myself to get that book series Elise and Keith were talking about. Definitely not because Keith was so passionate about it. I was just intrigued by the description Elise gave. Oh, and I also figured out that, despite the extra two inches she has on Pidge, Elise is 100% the baby girl in the relationship. Not a single doubt in my mind. Pidge would spoil that girl until the day she dies, and Elise would cuddle up into Pidge's arms in thanks. Easily the cutest couple I've ever seen before.

\---------------------------------Timeskip-----------------------------------

We arrive back to the dorms soon enough, and depart to go to our separate rooms. It was sad seeing Pidge and Elise split up at the cafe, but it's only a five minute drive there, and we easily promised to come back VERY often. As Keith and I enter our dorm room I feel him getting nervous, but I can't quite point out why. 

Is he nervous to be alone with me? Does he think I'm mad at him? Why is he so nervous all of a sudden? Maybe he's just not used to being alone with me yet. It's only the second day even though it feels like it's been months. Whatever, it doesn't matter. He'll tell me if something's wrong. 

WARNING- Panic attack ahead. Read at your own risk. Please be safe and careful. After the dashed line, there is a description of past abuse, and a conversation about what happened to Keith and Lance when they were younger. This will go on for the rest of the chapter, and it will end after that conversation. If you're ok with the description of past child abuse and rape, but not the panic attack, then you can skip to the dashed line and read the rest of the chapter. If you're fine with panic attacks, but not with the abuse or rape then read up until the dashed line. If you're not ok with either, then this is the end of the chapter for you. Please be safe, and understand your limits and triggers. Take care of yourself, and I love you all. 

I plop down on my bed, not even caring enough to change out of my clothes. As I pull my phone out of my pocket and type in the password, I notice Keith starting to approach me. He stands near me for a moment, and then walks away to his side of the room. He comes to a stop in front of his bed, sighs, turns back around, and goes to approach me again. 

I can feel his nerves skyrocketing with each step, and I pause on what I was typing up on my phone. I watch him from the corner of my eye as he approaches me, turns around, and repeats the same thing he did before. As he reaches me the third time, I turn to look at him. I feel like I'm choking from his anxiety, and I start to feel the walls closing in on me 

I listen closely to hear his breaths coming in short, choppy, puffs. I feel my own lungs constrict, and my throat gulp around what feels to be a lead ball. It hurts to swallow, and I feel as though someone is sitting on top of me. It's strange though. Like everything happening to me is muffled. Like an underwater feeling, as though I'm only experiencing part of what I'm supposed to be. I hear Keith start to talk, and I focus on his voice. Muffled, but still clear enough to make out. 

"Ar-are you going to tell me wha-what's wrong? If it-it's some-something I did? You sa-said you wou-would t-tell me wh-when we g-got home, b-but I don't th-think you re-remembered. I-I-I ju-just wa-wa-want t-t-to he-help y-" he gets cut off as his breathing gets worse. 

Each breath stuttering to a gasp, and his chest heaving with each inhale. Not enough air going into or out of his lungs as he grows panicked. I feel my own lungs struggling for a breath even though I'm breathing just fine, and I realize I need to help him somehow. 

"Keith, Keith buddy! It's okay. It's all okay buddy. I need you to breath with me ok?" 

I show him how to breath. Breathing in for 5 seconds, and then out for 5 seconds. I can feel him trying to follow my instructions, but he's too panicked to concentrate. 

"Ok, Keith. I need you to look at me, ok?" His eyes meet mine as I pull him ont my lap. 

"Touch my hand. There you go, you can feel that my hand is real. Now look at my eyes. Good job Keith, you can still see everything just fine. You're doing so well. Now take a deep breath in, and see what you smell. Great job, you're doing amazing. You can smell the cologne I used this morning. Do you smell it?" He gives me a nod, and takes me other hand into his as well.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I continue to point out things for him to touch, see, and smell. Grounding him, and distracting him from the panicked state he was in. His breath evens out with each direction I give him, and I praise him to let him know how well he's doing. Once he's calm, I pick him up in my arms. He let's out a gasp of surprise, and his legs to wrap around my waist. 

I carry him over to my bed, and sit against the wall. Pulling him back into my lap in a far more comfortable position. He vets resituated, and I look into his eyes. He's a lot calmer now, and I can only let out a sigh of relief. 

"The first time you got hurt, I didn't understand what was happening to me. All I knew was that my body was becoming battered and bruised, and that everything hurt. My parents heard my screams, and took me to the hospital as fast as possible. The doctors gave me sleep medicine so that they could give me a full checkup, and the last thing I heard was them saying it was you causing me so much pain. That my soulmate was the cause of it. I didn't know much about soulmates at only 7, besides the fairytales every kid hears. My mom tried explaining it to me, and it started off with me wanting to protect you. I wanted to rescue you like a bruised up knight in shining armor, and take you away from the ones causing you pain." I paused to take in his expression. Eyes wide and full of patience as he hung off of every word I spoke.

"That lasted for a while. I'd tell anyone who made fun of my bruises that they were battle scars. Said that they were proof you were out there waiting for me to save you. Everyone always laughed, but I didn't mind. I had you to save after all. Once I turned 13, I started to see other people finding their soulmates. Always happy, excited, bruise free, no pain involved. I grew jealous very quickly. It was hard for me to be constantly surrounded by so much happiness, when my situation was essentially a nightmare. I started to hate you. Not necessarily YOU, but the idea of soulmates itself. I detested the fact that everyone else had it perfect, and I was stuck with ghost broken bones and bruises." I pause once more as I know that the next part will be harder for him to think about.

"When I was 15, I woke up to someone touching my thighs. Yanking them apart, and touching me. I knew what was happening, but I didn't want to know. I didn't know what to do about it. I just ended up sitting, and suffering through the same thing you did. After that, it all kind went downhill. I grew to hate the very thought of you and soulmates. I looked at soulmates in disgust and jealousy. At one point I even thought about cheating for a split moment. I couldn't bring myself to even consider it though."

"When it came time to meet you yesterday, I was terrifed. There you were, absolutely perfect. Beautiful, shy, cute, hot, gorgeous, absolutely fucking perfect. I felt such a strong pull towars you, but I couldn't just fall in love with you because you look stunning. I practically grew up hating you. Despising the very thought of you. That wasn't going to change because of how you looked. I wanted to keep hating you. To ignore you, and not even give you a chance." I look at him for a moment, taking in each of his features. 

"Then I started to get to know you. You started showing up everywhere I looked, and even poked yourself into my thoughts. You had the nerve to wear the cutest outfit in existence earlier, to make a face so full of passion as you ranted about a book character, to show so much love and affection when talking about your younger brother. You showed me sides of you that I never wanted to see because I was so afraid it would change my mind. That I wouldn't hate you anymore." I took a deep breath before continuing. 

"I'm not going to change right away. I'm not going to magically fall in love with you. It's only our second day of meeting, and we have so much more to deal with and talk about. I will try my best to give you a chance, and to try to work with you. However, I can't promise that things will change anytime soon. I can't just get rid of the hatred and anger out of no where. I need time, and I need to get to know you on a deeper level before my feelings can change. I will try though. As long as you'll be patient with me, I will try." I finish with a deep sigh.

"I won't rush you, and I won't give up on you. I understand why you acted the way you did, but I do hope we can grow together and work passed it. I won't give up on you." Keith whispers to me as he lays his head on my chest. 

I pull our bodies to the side, together, and we fall into a laying position. He turns in my hold, pressing his back against me, and I wrap my arms around him. I allow my one hand to rest in his hair, twirling the raven strands between my fingers. I feel him sigh from the feeling, and I rest my chin on his head. 

We fall asleep like that. Our bodies pressed together, and our promises drifting between us. Promises of a future, promises to work together, and promises to support each other all written in the spaces between us. Keith's soft snores mingling with my breath as we drift into a dreamland filled with a reality far better than our own.

Our promises may be broken, but we'll find a way to piece them back together. Somehow, we'll always find a way.


	7. Underneath The Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have honestly been so tired lately. Like I'm used to it since I've had insomnia since I was 6, but getting no more then 2 hours of sleep a day for 5 weeks in a row is a bit much for me XD. I've gone 2 weeks total without a second of sleep before, during school as well, but I got to practically pass out for 3 days in a row afterwards. This has just been going on for so much longer than I'm used to. 
> 
> Anyway, the two questions of the day today are:
> 
> Question- How old are you, and are you male or female? 
> 
> Answer- I am a female, and I'm 16 years old :)
> 
> Question- You've written a lot of books about gay relationships, and have a lot of gay ships. Are you gay as well, or do you just enjoy the idea of gay relationships when it comes to other people? If you are gay, does this affect your writing or ships in any way?
> 
> Answer- I actually gave Elise the same sexuality as myself. I'm panromantic asexual. So, I'm both gay, and I love the idea of gay relationship XD. I'm not really sure if being gay really affects my writing or ships that much? I mean, when it comes to choosing sexualities for my characters, and actually representing those sexualities, I have a bit more experience? I'm not really sure.

It's been 2 weeks since the day I opened up to keith. Nothing much has changed. We don't talk much in the dorm room, we eat lunch together now with the rest of the group, we all go to the cafe as a group when all of our schedules line up, and we're just not much closer.

The day after we fell asleep together, I stayed away from Keith for most of the day. I shouldn't have, but I did. I was too afraid to face him, and I know I hurt him by doing so. If he was in the dorm room, I'd grab my stuff and go to Hunk and Pidge's room. If he went to talk to me I'd give him one word answers, and would make it hard to keep the conversation going. When it came time to go to sleep, I ignored his quiet sobbing as he thought I was already asleep. 

After that day, we just didn't talk much. I answered him in full sentences if he asked me anything, I tried a bit to keep the conversation going, I stayed in the dorm with him, I started the conversation a few times, and I stopped going out of my way to ignore him. However, the damage was already kind of done. 

I know that it's my fault we don't talk much anymore. I made things awkward, I pushed him away, and I hurt him. I regret doing it, but I just felt so awkward after opening up to him. He's been strange lately though. Secretive. Like he's going out of his way to hide something from me. 

Yesterday was Thursday, so our lunch schedules didn't line up perfectly. I got out of class about 15 minutes later than him, and when I went to the cafeteria he was already there with the rest of the group. They were all whispering about something, but stopped the second Keith spotted me making my way towards them. I could feel his nervousness through the bond, and it felt the same way I'd feel whenever my mama caught me doing something without permission. 

While eating lunch that day, everyone seemed to be awfully quiet, and there seemed to be something unspoken in the air. Like a secret I couldn't quite grasp, no matter how hard I tried. It was just plain awkward at the table, and no one seemed to be joking around like we usually did. 

Even when we went to the cafe today, everyone seemed to be a bit too quiet. Even Elise was quiet, and she's always so excitable once she gets started. We just kind of sat together, drinking the drinks we had ordered, and making small conversation once in awhile.

When I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, I finished my business and went to leave. As I opened up the bathroom door, I saw the group all whispering to each other about something. They had the same reaction as they did at yesterday's lunch. They saw me, stopped talking, and pretended they weren't doing anything before. 

I felt my heart drop. They're doing something behind my back, and that honestly hurts. I'm used to being ostracized by my peers. Being exempt from group activities, partner projects, and anything that involves having a friend. 

Old classmates were afraid of me when I was younger. Covered in bruises, always in pain, and labeled as taboo because they didn't understand what was going on with my soulmate. Finding Hunk and Pidge when I turned 12, was the best thing to ever happen to me. They stuck by me, didn't care about the rumors, and treated me equally. They never left me or grew scared of me. 

Now they're going behind my back to do something without me. Planning something with their soulmates, two people they've only known for a little over 2 weeks, and my soulmate. It really hurts. 

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Pain gripping the organ in a tight fist, and dragging it up through my throat. Another hand plucking my heartstrings as though they were tuning a guitar. I felt my eyes become blurry with tears, but I push them back down, and swallow until the feeling of my heart being ripped out through my throat went away. 

I notice Keith staring at me in what I can only see as deep concern, but I just look away and continue walking to the table. I sit in my seat, and wait for it to be time to leave. Once it's time, I'll just go to my dorm, get in bed, and take a nap until I have no choice but to wake up. It's Friday anyway, so who cares. 

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I look next to me to see what's up. My eyes meet with Keith, and we maintain eye contact for a few moments before he begins to awkwardly shift. He hesitates for a second before opening his mouth to say something. 

"What's wrong? You got really upset when you came out of the bathroom?"

Is he serious? Does he think I'm stupid or something? He can't possibly think I'm so oblivious that I didn't notice they're hiding something from me! That's ridiculous! They're being so damn obvious about it today. Not even trying to hide the meetings from me. It pisses me off so damn much. 

"I know you're all hiding something from me" I respond to him. 

He winces at my answer, and turns to look away from me. Avoiding the eye contact we had been holding prior to my response. His fingers begin to play with the hem of his jacket he has on, and I can feel him getting more nervous, and confused, by the second. 

"It's not like that." he whispers. "Just trust us. Trust me. I promise we're not planning anything against you" He whispers back to me. 

I look him in the eye as he speaks, trying to decipher whether he's lying or not. There's no nervousness, guilt, or any other emotion that would signal a lie coming from his side. I still don't know whether or not to trust him, but for once I'll try to. 

"Ok. I'll trust you." I whisper back. 

His face lights up, and his eyes become teary. I feel shock, happiness, and relief rush through the bond, nearly toppling me over. He looks so happy he might cry, and I have no clue why. Then it hits me. 

This is the first time I've put any trust in him. I didn't trust him when we first met, I didn't trust him when he tried to talk to me, I didn't trust him when I explained my situation to him, I didn't trust him when I ignored him for an entire day, and I didn't trust him during the two whole weeks since. I haven't placed my trust in him a single time since we met... and he's done nothing BUT place his trust in me. 

On the day we met, he trusted me enough to sleep in the same room as me, knowing that he has nightmares. He trusted me when I tried to calm him down from that nightmare as well. The next day, Keith trusted me when I scared away those guys at lunch. He trusted me when I leaned in to kiss him even though I pulled away when the bell rung. He trusted me back at the dorm when I leaned in for a kiss again, even though I ended up leaving him heartbroken as I left without a word. He trusted me when he spoke about himself at the cafe, and when he spoke up to me about his worry for me. He trusted me when he was having his panic attack, and I tried to calm him down. He trusted me when he cuddled up to me that night after I explained my problem to him. He even trusted me after I ignored him for the entirety of the next day. He's trusted me the entire time, and I'm only just now putting the tiniest amount of trust in him. 

I glance over at him to see him excitedly talking to Elise. Eyes wide and glistening, hair pulled up into a short ponytail, glasses perched on the bridge of his button nose, cheeks a rosy color as his freckles dance across them, and hands gesturing as he answers a question. He really is beautiful.

I reach out with my right hand, and cup the side of his face that's facing away from me. I gently pull his face in my direction to get him to look at me, and I stroke his cheek with my thumb. He gives me a questioning face as I continue to stare at him. 

"Thank you" I whisper to him. 

He doesn't seem to understand why I'm thanking him, but he nods his head anyway. I can still feel his confusion as he turns away, but this time it's mixed with something else. An emotion I can't quite distinguish. It's just... warm. Warm, and strong.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Come with me" Keith snaps me out of my thoughts with the command. 

"What?" 

Keith gives me a nervous glance, and that's when I feel the emotions coming from his side of the bond. Intense emotions going haywire. Fear, anxiety, nervousness, excitement , confusion, conflict, and more fear and anxiety. All these emotions flying at a hundred miles per hour through our bond. Spreading through me, as I myself get pulled into the emotional madness. Losing control of my own emotions, and feeling so confused on what's going on. 

"Come with me. I want to show you something." He says to me again, his voice coming out as a shy whisper. 

"Where are we going?" I ask him, trying so hard to get a grasp on the situation at hand. 

I hate the feeling of not having control. My whole life I didn't have any control. I couldn't control the bruises, I couldn't control the pain, I couldn't control the emotions, I couldn't control what was happening to Keith, and I had no say in anything because I was "Just a kid" and "too young to have any valid opinions or input". When I tried to ask questions about my soulmate I was told, "You're too young to understand". When I tried to come out as Bisexual I was told, "You're too young to be able to make that decision. You're not experienced enough in life, and you're too naive. You don't know what you want". 

Any single time I tried to have any opinions, or be a part of any decisions I was immediately written off as unimportant. I was never told my opinions were valid, I was never told my decisions were important. I was told to grow up, act like an adult, study, and be perfect. I was told to act like an adult, but I was never treated as one. 

My mama was always there for me though. Always telling me I was important. Always showing me how much she loved me. Never forcing me into a corner, and never telling me I was too young to have opinions and make decisions. She tried her best with every one of her children. Showing them an equal amount of love, and never choosing favorites. Always teaching us to be kind, loving, and sincere. 

I look up at keith to see his hand outstretched to me. Head facing away from me, cheeks red, eyebrows and nose scrunched up, emotions unsure, and hand slightly trembling. He's put his trust into me, and I can do the same for him. Even if it's just this once. 

I reach out my hand, and grab his smaller one in mine. He utters a soft gasp, and his rosy cheeks brighten at the contact. I give his soft hand a squeeze, and he pulls me up. 

He never lets go of my hand. Not as he grabs our phones and his key, not as we leave the dorm, not as he locks the door behind us, not as we wander the hall, not as we walk up a thousand flights of stairs. He does, however, release my hand as we reach, what seems to be, a double door that leads to the roof. 

He turns around to look me in the eyes, and I feel his nerves tripling. We keep eye contact for what feels like an hour, but was most likely only a couple of minutes. All of a sudden, he reaches his hand out, and lays it on my cheek. His thumb stroking the skin of my cheek as he leans in closer to me. Just as he's about a few inches away from me, he turns his face slightly. His lips touching the opposite cheek his hand is on as he presses them there in a quick peck. He leans back, keeping his hand on my cheek. 

"I know it's not perfect, nor is it the same as what you're used to, but I hope you like it anyway." He whispers to me. 

His hand drops from my face, and he shyly turns away from me. His hands come up, and rest on the door handle giving it a push to open them. As the doors open, my eyes land on something that has all of the oxygen leaving my lungs in the form of a gasp. There, sat about 3 yards away from me is... a mini fuel stove. 

A tiny, fuel operated stove top, surrounded by blankets and all of my friends. They're each sat on their own blanket, and in their hands are sticks with marshmallows on the top. Bags of marshmallows, chocolate bars, and graham crackers scattered around them. The stars in the sky illuminating them in the darkness of the night. 

I look over at Keith to see him watching me with a smile on his face. Clearly very nervous, but excited nonetheless. He's just standing next to me, watching me as though he didn't just show me something so important to me. 

"Did you do all of this for me?" I whisper out to him, still in shock from the sight in front of me. 

"Yah" he pauses for a moment, face still just as crimson as it was in our dorm. 

"You said you missed it, and that it was your favorite thing to do. You were so excited talking about it. Describing all of the fun you, your siblings, and your parents would have together as you watched the stars and shared smores. I know it's not perfect, but I wanted to do it. I didn't know very many people so it was hard to get help, but your friends seemed nice so I asked them. Hunk was able to find the stovetop in the camping supply area of the building for the nature club, Elise was able to get the S'mores ingredients together from the cafe, Shay was able to help me get all of the blankets together for everyone and set up the area with me, and Pidge was able to set up her telescope for a closer look at the stars. I know it's not much, I mean it's kinda all thrown together a bit, but I wanted it to be special. I... I know I'm not your family... I know I'm not your family, or really even your friend, but I want to be. I want to be someone to you, even if it's not right away Lance. Even if I have to work my ass off for you to see me in a different light then you have ever since you were younger, I will. You were someone I always looked up to. Someone I always wanted to meet, and be with. An idea that I always wished to become a reality. That didn't change after I met you. I still want to be with you. I still want you to sweep me off of my feet, and hold me close. To keep me safe, and be there with me through every hardship. I still want to be there for you as well. To hold you, to make you feel safe, and to be there for you through just as much. I want to be equals. To be partners. I know I'm not what people look for in a relationship. I'm scarred, used, broken, and I've put you through hell and back. I know- I know that, but that doesn't- it doesn't mean that I'm ready to give up on you. Now that I've met you, I've seen who you are. I've seen your crooked, beautiful smile. I've seen your perfectly tanned skin, and ocean blue eyes. I've seen your messy, tousled bed head that's never tamed. I've heard your terrible attempts at jokes, and your naturally flirty behavior. I've seen you at your best, and at your worst. I've seen your soft side, and the side of you you try so hard to hide. I've seen so much of you in such a short span of time, and I don't want to give that up. I don't want to give YOU up. I- I don't love you. Not yet at least, but I know that I'm falling in love with you. I don't want to give up on that. I don't want to give up on my soulmate. Especially... especially now that I know it's you." Keith finishes his rant, his voice getting much softer towards the end.

I stand there in shock for a split moment. Staring at Keith as he stares right back at me. The light from the stars streaming down on his face, freckles like constellations across his cheeks and nose, violet eyes glistening in the moonlight, soft smile vaguely showing off his dimples as his nose scrunches up just the tiniest bit, and warmth flooding through our bond. I watch him underneath the stars, and all I can think about in that short moment, is "wow, he's absolutely breathtaking".

I bathe in the warmth flowing through our bond. Spending mere seconds reveling in the feeling of it rushing through my veins. Reveling in the feeling of my heart thumping against my chest, trying desperately to break free of it's confines and be with it's destined pair. I watch as he tucks his hair behind his right ear after finishing up his rant. How he finally makes eye contact with me after adamantly avoiding it the entire time he was talking, too shy to be able to have that abundant confidence. My hand reaches up to rest on his cheek, and I decide in that moment, "I want to stay with him. I want to try.". 

"I don't want to give it up either, Keith. It... I'll need time. I'll need time to be able to get passed everything, and move on. I'll need time to come to terms with things, and trust you. I'll need time to be able to fall in love with you, but... I too, know that I'm already starting to fall. I look at you, and I see my future. I see my whole world, and I don't want to lose that either. I'll need time, and I'll need space sometimes, but I'll try to make it work. I'll try my hardest to give my best effort. I'll try, and I won't give up. That's all I can promise for now though." I whisper to him as i lean in. 

Our foreheads are touching by the time I finish what I had to say, and our eyes met. Violet and aqua clashing under the stars as we don't dare to look away. My hand is still on his cheek, and my thumb is stroking across the freckled skin. Absolutely stunning. 

"That's all I needed to hear" he whispers as he glances at my lips. 

I lean my head down from his forehead, and our lips touch. Eyes closing from the proximity, and lips slotted together. I feel him moan as our lips move in sync, and I feel a shock of ecstasy shoot through our bond from him. Nothing but excitement and absolute joy passing through the bond, and I don't think I've ever been happier. 

I lick his bottom lip to ask for entrance, and feel a spark of confusion rush through the bond for just a moment. Realizing this is probably his first real kiss, I trail my hand down his back. As my hand travels lower, I finally reach my target. Cupping his butt with my hand, I give it a slight squeeze. His mouth opens with a gasped out moan, and I slide my tongue into it.

He seems to catch up on what to do very soon, and I'm almost jealous at how good he's gotten in no time at all. Our tongues dance together, mapping out ever crevice and bump in the other's mouth. Committing it to memory in a way that's almost too personal. Desperate to keep going, but knowing we needed to breath, we separate as Keith releases one last breathy moan. 

I look at his face as we pull away. Face flushed, lips slightly bruised and reddened, and pupils dilated. I nearly gasp at how absolutely stunning he looks. I have to force myself to calm down, remembering the conversation we just had after treasuring the memory of our first kiss.

"Hey losers! Stop making out, and get over her so I can eat some S'mores already!" Pidge shouts from her place sat atop a blanket. 

Keith lets out a squeak in embarrassment as his face returns to a bright crimson color. His hands nearly slapping himself as he moves them up to quickly cover his blushing face. I gently remove his hands, and lean in one last time, placing a quick kiss onto his soft lips. Before I pull away, I lean in to his ear and whisper into it. 

"You're so beautiful Keith" I whisper. 

He shoves his face into my chest to hide his face, and wraps his arms around my torso (Keith is about a head shorter than Lance, so the top of Keith's head comes up to the top of Lance's shoulders). I chuckle as he nuzzles into my chest, and whines in embarrassment. My arms come up to rest on his body. My left arm wrapping around him, and my right hand laying atop his head. My fingers curling through his raven locks as I play with the strands of hair. We break apart after hearing Pidge yelling at us once again, and head over to join the others on the blankets. 

"Thank you guys for doing all of this for me" I tell them as a huge smile grows on my face. 

"You're welcome, but this was all Keith. The day after you told him and Elise about how much you loved doing this with your family every Friday, he started planning everything. He gathered all of us together to ask us for help. He even made sure to plan it for a Friday, and asked the principal for permission to use the roof today. You should have seen him." Hunk pauses to let out a loud, booming laugh. 

"His whole face was bright red, and he was trembling like a leaf the whole time" Pidge continues as she joined in with Hunk's laughter. 

"He was so cute" Shay adds in.

"The principal had to ask him to write down his question because he couldn't, for the life of him, understand what Keith was saying through all of his stuttering. He was so shy, and scared." Elise finishes the story with a fond smile, and a slight chuckle. 

I glance down as Keith once again hides his blushing face in my chest. We're sat together on a single blanket, side by side. I can feel the warmth of his face seeping through the material of my thin t-shirt, and I chuckle at the feeling. He nuzzles into me as he huffs out an embarrassed sound. His legs are pulled up to the side of him, and his small hands are grasping my shirt in their fists as he curls up further. 

"Wait, you were there as well?" I ask Elise in confusion. 

"Yah. Keith asked all of us to come through, and of course I could never say no to my little cinnamon roll. He was so shy as he came up to ask me, and I ended up asking my friend to takeover my shift just for him. He was just too precious." She answers as she leans over to Keith, and pinches his cheeks. 

Keith quickly swats her hand away with a giggle, and I nearly melt at the sound. He tackles her to the ground, and she gets him off of her by tickling him until he relents. Breathless laughter pouring out of him like an open faucet, as he begs her to stop. I watch the sight with an unbreakable focus, taking in every sound he releases and every face he makes. 

"So Lance, how's everything going with Keith?" Hunk whispers to me as Pidge tries to take her soulmate back from Keith. 

"I'm not really sure to be completely honest. I mean, right now everything just feels so right. Holding him, kissing him, spending time with him. It all just feels so perfect, and I can't help but be scared of that. He told me that he didn't want to give up on me. That he wanted to be someone to me, and I-" I pause for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing. 

"I told him I felt the same way. That I wanted to try, and that I will try. That I'll try my best to make things work, and that I'll try my best to get past the issues I have with our situation. He looked so damn happy, Hunk. He FELT so damn happy. I could feel the joy and excitement just pouring out of him... and I can't honestly say that I didn't feel the same way. Seeing him so happy made ME happy. Made me so happy, that I couldn't think of anything other than a future of making him feel that way all the time. In that very moment, I wanted to spend my whole life making him the happiest man in the world. I still do, and that scares me I can't guarantee things will stay this way. No one can. No one knows if things will work out, but..." I trail off for a moment. 

I glance at Keith. Seeing him screwing around with Elise. Laughing openly as they tease each other. Seeing Pidge join in, laughing along with them despite how out of character that seems. She's always so serious, and seeing her completely out of her shell makes me so happy. Elise says something to Keith, and his face erupts in color. He pounces on Elise, slamming his hands over his mouth only to rip them away in disgust as she licks them. They laugh together, and I enjoy the sight. 

"But I want it to. I want it to work out so badly." I finish, whispering the words out to Hunk.


	8. Scars Aren't Always Just Skin Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING- Almost this entire chapter will be triggering to anyone who suffers from rape, suicidal thoughts, anything that has to do with child abuse in general, mental abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, pedophilia, and possibly other things that I can't think of right now. If you have problems with any of these please DO NOT read this chapter. It will not be worth it, and I will not be putting dashed lines or warnings in the chapter itself. This whole chapter could be triggering, so just don't chance it, unless you're absolutely positive that you'll be safe reading it. If you deal with any of these issues, or thought you could handle reading this but actually can't, I typed up a link at the bottom of this message to a page with all available hotlines. Please feel free to contact whatever you need to contact. If you don't want to talk to someone else, but would feel comfortable talking to me, please send me a message in the comment section. I don't mind sending my other social medias to people that need to talk privately. You are not a burden to me, any person on the other side of the phone when it comes to the hotlines, or anyone else. Please take care of yourself, and stay safe. 
> 
> http://www.pleaselive.org/hotlines/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question- What is your favorite real life ship, and your favorite anime ship?
> 
> Answer- My favorite real life ship is Taekook, or Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook from BTS. I also ship Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok together, Min Yoongi and Park Jimin together, and Kim Namjoon and Kim Seokjin together. All from BTS as well. My favorite anime ship has always been Ereri, but Klance is a close second. I'm also a sucker for Kagehina, Victuuri, Shizaya, and QUITE a few others. 
> 
> Question- what are your hobbies?
> 
> Answer- I love singing, reading, writing, watching YouTube, playing video games, drawing, painting. Lot's of things. I used to be in chorus for 5 years, played volleyball for 2 years, and swam in competitions and on a team for 4 years. I love drawing my favorite anime characters, or painting a neat picture. I'll spend all day binge watching Law and Order: SVU, or binge watching Youtube videos, while reading multiple fanfictions or trying to write up a new chapter. I don't play video games as much as I used to, but once I start playing an xbox game I used to love, I'll become attached to it again and play the entire game over again. Sometimes I'll even beat the game multiple times in a row, playing nonstop for days XD I also love playing or cuddling with my puppy. Her name is mika, and she's a Miniature Australian Shepherd. She's also my whole world. If you'd like to see what she looks like, I have an Instagram account with pictures of her called @Mikatheminipup . Other than those things, I don't do much. I love to sleep, but I deal with very bad insomnia, so I'll go like. Weeks without sleep quite frequently. I also like collecting BTS and anime merch. I have a bunch of BTS posters, Lomo cards hanging on my wall, anime FUNKO figures, anime nendoroid figures, and a lot of other stuff. I also pretty much religiously play the mobile app Love Nikki, and have reached VIP level 7 by throwing my money at it XD

"Then it will. As long as you still want it to work, and he does too, then it will work out. The only time it won't, is when you or him give up. People say that sometimes it's impossible to make things work between them and someone else, but it never is. One of them just aren't trying anymore. Don't expect fast results, and don't expect minimum effort to get you anywhere because it absolutely won't. I know you lance." Hunk pauses for a moment, looking me in the eyes with a stern expression. 

"You don't give up on things, or people, that you want. You're a stubborn bastard, and you'd fight until your last breath because of it. However, put that stubbornness to use for the right reasons. Don't hold onto your problems, instead hold on to the feeling of wanting to be with him. If you choose to be stubborn over holding a grudge, then nothing is ever going to happen between you two. You know that, I know that, Pidge knows that, even Keith and Elise know that. Heck, even Shay knows and you've had one conversation with her. We all know that nothing is going to work between you two if you don't get passed the grudge. Elise and Shay may not know what your problems are, but they can see that there are problems clear as day." Hunk pauses to let what he said sink in, before moving on to what else he has to say. 

"Look at Elise. What do you see?" Hunk asks me. 

I grow confused as I give him a questioning glance. He doesn't acknowledge the look I give him, so I do as he told me to. I look over at Elise, and see her playing with Keith. I can't really tell what they're doing, but they seem to be having a lot of fun. Keith has barely stopped laughing. 

"A girl I guess." I pause as I look over at Hunk, only to see him giving me a stern look once again. 

"I don't know. I see a girl that loves books. Someone who gets extremely over attached to fictional characters, and calls every single one of her favorite characters her "baby" or her "boy/girl". I see a girl that is extremely shy for someone who never stops talking once she gets started. Someone who is very creative, but never feels she has the talent to show it. Someone who loves Pidge with all of her heart, even though they just met, and wants nothing more than for Pidge to be happy. Why?" I ask Hunk as I finish up. 

"What do you see when you look at Shay?" He asks me instead of answering my question. 

"I see someone who likes you very much, but is too shy to admit it. Someone who is very kind to everyone, no matter who they are or what they're like. Someone who is very smart, and gets great grades all the time no matter how much she studies, which is annoying but admirable. I don't know, I just see someone very kind hearted, intelligent, and loving." I finish, desperately wracking my head to try and figure out what he's getting at. 

"Now... look at Keith, and tell me what you see." He says with an odd glint in his eyes. 

"I..." I pause. 

I glance over at Keith, and watch him. He's sat on Elise's lap. Head on her chest, hands on his lap. Elise's fingers are running through his hair, her head resting on his. He's just talking to her, eye's closed and a relaxed expression on his face. Elise seems to be listening to keith tell a story, as she's cuddled up with him. Pidge is sitting beside them, curled up against Elise. Her head is resting on Elise's shoulder as they're both listening to Keith. A fond look taking over her face as she glances at her soulmate. 

"I don't really know what I see. Sometimes I see someone who's absolutely terrified, sad, and lonely. Other times I see someone who's happy, loving, and excited. I don't know which one's real, or which one's going to be what he is next." 

"What do they all like to do?" He asks. 

"Well Elise likes to read, like A LOT. She loves drawing, singing, Kpop, anime, and even more reading. She likes going to the mall to get new piercings, or buying new earrings. She wants to get a tattoo as well, but doesn't like needles. Shay likes to read as well. Says that it's a lot more fun to read, then it is to socialise. She likes to play the piano, and used to play the violin as well. She also enjoys making little crafts, and playing with technology. Keith likes to..." I pause once again, wracking my brain for something Keith likes to do. 

"He likes to read. Uhh. He..." I pause again to think. 

"He likes his younger brother... Kenji? No, Keiji. Yah. He likes to play with Keiji..." 

I feel a headache start to come on as I desperately search for something else he likes to do. Does he like to sing? To dance? To draw? To wri-

"He likes to write! The first day we met, he wrote in this journal almost the entire time." I finish. 

"Couldn't he have just been writing down his schedule or something? How do you know he actually ENJOYS writing, and wasn't just doing it because he had to? Hunk asks me.

"I... I don't, but he was writing for a long time. He also seemed to really treasure the journal as he handled it with a lot of care." I said trying to defend my answer. 

"Lance, what do you know about Keith? Do you know what type of family he has? What he enjoys to do? What his favorite type of music is? Any quirks or weird habits he has?" He pauses before asking one last question. 

"Do you even know what he's really like?" 

The questions rings in my head as I hear a resounding no start to surface. What do I know about him? He has a younger brother Keiji who he mentioned like once. He likes crop tops because he's always wearing them, and he probably likes feminine clothes as well since he seems to be most comfortable in them. He writes in a journal of some sort, he seems to know Korean as he sang along to Monsta X perfectly on the way to the cafe, he loves to read, and he... and he...

"Have you ever asked him about himself, Lance? Have you ever, even once, tried to get to know him?"

"No... No I haven't"

"Hey, what're you guys talking about all serious like over here?" Elise asks as she plops herself next to me with keith in her lap like a baby. 

"Nothing really. Why're you carrying him around?" I ask with a slight chuckle, trying my best not to feel any jealousy. 

"Ah, he likes it." She pauses as she glances down at him with a fond smile. 

"We both love to cuddle, and he loves it when someone runs their fingers through his hair. He said his mom used to sit next to him, and run her fingers through his hair anytime he cried or got upset. Apparently it always calms him down, and makes him really happy, no matter what. I found it super cute, so I just had to indulge him. Plus, I LOVE playing with other people's hair. Well, as long as it's clean. Dirty hair is gross, and really oily. Nothing fun about running your fingers through wet hair, that hasn't touched any water. His hair is really soft though, like silk! Here, touch it!" She tells me excitedly, talking at a fast pace. 

I hesitate before leaning forward, towards the two of them, and reaching my hand towards Keith's hair. I feel slight nervousness come from his side of the bond, and I stop in mid air for a split second. As I resume my movement, my fingers touch a strand of his hair, and I hear him gasp lightly. I look down as my fingers play with the strands, to see Keith's face is a bright red color.

His hair is super soft, like silk, just like Elise said. I continue to run my fingers through the strands, and reach towards his scalp to give it a light scratch. He sighs in pleasure as I continue to scratch his head, and run my fingers through his raven locks. 

I watch as his whole body practically melts in relief, and relaxation. I feel nothing but calmness coming from him, and it brings a smile to my lips. He deserves this. He deserves to feel completely at ease. To not have to deal with trauma, pain, fear, anxiety, or anything else. To just feel pure, uninterrupted happiness.

"Here, you take him. I think Katie is starting to get jealous, and I want to be held as well" She states with a laugh. 

She gently picks him up, causing him to flail for a moment in surprise, and sits him down on my lap. I'm sat criss cross applesauce, and his butt is between my legs with the bottoms of his knees on top of my left thigh as his feet hang on the other side of it. My hand resumes running through his hair instantly, almost as if completely by habit, and he nuzzles his head into my hand as his face comes to rest on my chest, just above my heart. 

I look around to see Elise in the same position, which is comical due to her being two inches taller than Pidge, and Shay laying against Hunk with her head on his shoulder. I smile at the sight of the other two pairs, and I can't help but to release a slight chuckle at Elise. She sends me a smile, and a wink towards Keith causing him to blush again.

We spend the next two hours pointing out constellations, telling stories, and roasting S'mores. Elise tells stories from the cafe. Listing all of the times people have done something stupid, and even telling us about the hundreds of college students who come in to overdose on caffeine. Pidge tells us about the new invention she's working on with Hunk. They're trying to create the worst breakfast invention ever. Having multiple mechanisms set up in their dorm just to have the cereal box fall off the table, the bowl to break, and the milk to spill everywhere. Shay even tells us about the new book she's reading. It's a series where a bunch of teenagers are stuck in this giant maze that they have to escape from, only to find out that the real world is far worse than the monster inhabited maze. It's sounds really cool. Then Keith talks. 

"I remember this one summer. My little brother, Keiji, really wanted to go to the beach. It was two years ago, and he was about 8. We must have walked for 6 hours straight just to reach the beach, and his whole face just lit up. He let go of my hand, and ran forward towards the water. Kicking the sand up behind him as he ran. The second he reached the water, he just belly flopped right into it, not even realising how shallow it was." He pauses as a giggle escapes his lips. 

"He must've had about 5 cups of wet sand in his mouth as he pulled himself up. He turned around to face me, and he had the most betrayed look I've ever seen displayed on someone's face before. I laughed so hard, and at one point I felt like I was going to pass out from all of the laughter. He just sat there, and continued to give me that look. He must have held that grudge against me for 4 weeks straight after that." He pauses again as we all join him in laughing at the story. 

My fingers resume running through his hair, and he leans into the feeling as he continues to laugh. I smile at his reaction, and listen closely to the sound of his laugh. The soft, but joyous sound ringing out into the air. His body lightly shaking as each laugh rocks it. 

"He was so excited to see the water. He'd always wanted to go, but this was the first time we were able to." I feel his mood turn a bit sour through the bond, and I give him a light squeeze for encouragement. 

"He spent most of his time in the water. He loved it. Said the cool feeling of the tide waving onto his ankles felt amazing. He hated the feeling of the sand all over his body, but it was apparently completely worth it. We stayed there until the next morning, watching the sun set in the sky and waiting until sunrise to watch that as well. I don't know which one was my favorite. Keiji seemed to like the pinks, oranges, yellows, and reds of the sunrise, but I think I enjoyed the pink and purple glow of the sunset over the water a bit more. We slept right there on the beach. Keiji snuggled up against me, and my arms wrapped around him. It was the best sleep I've ever gotten, and I miss that day more than anything. We were free. Free of responsibility, free of judgement, free of worries, free of stress, free. We had nothing to stress over or be afraid of. Just us two, and the ocean waves crashing upon the sand."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock ringing out. It's Saturday morning, and I have to get up for plans I made with Hunk and Pidge. We decided to go to the mall today, just the three of us. Since we haven't been able to spend time with just us lately, we all decided it was a great idea. 

Everything blurs around me as I get ready. Brush my teeth, brush my hair, go to the bathroom, get dressed, grab my keys, grab my phone, grab my money, say goodbye to Keith, let him know when I'll be back so he doesn't worry, open the door, close the door, head to my car. When I reach my car, Pidge and hunk are already waiting by it. 

We exchange our hellos as we all hop into my car, and start up the radio. Bad At Love by Halsey came on, and I turned the volume up. Halsey is amazing, and anyone who says differently... Well I'm not gonna hate you, but I will tell you you're wrong. 

I start to feel slightly lonely, and it takes me a moment to realize the feeling isn't coming from me. I focus on our bond, and feel loneliness and sadness coming from Keith's side. It's then that it dawns on me, Keith misses me. We may not have spent much time together, but we still spent that time in the same room or at least close to each other. We may not have talked, touched, or even looked at each other a lot, but that doesn't mean that the time we spent together didn't feel like company. 

I find myself thinking about him, and... and missing him as well. I appreciated his company in the room. I grew up in a big family, and having someone in the house at all times was pretty much how I grew up. I was never alone in the house, and having someone like Keith with me made me feel more at home. I know that's not all it is though. I wouldn't miss Keith if that were the case. I'm in the car with my two best friends, so I'm not alone. 

I wouldn't say that Keith and I grew much closer after last night, but I would say we did a little bit. I mean, I never went to tell Keith what time I'd be back before, nor have I ever touched him as much as I had last night. I guess time will tell how much closer we've grown since last night. 

We pull up to the mall, and park as close to the entrance as possible. No one wants to walk far, whether they have bags or not. We exit the car, and head into the place. We instantly go to Auntie Anne's Pretzels to get a medium cup of cinnamon sugar nuggets for each of us. If you go to the mall, and DON'T get those, then you need to start doing so. 

After we finish up eating, we head down to FYE. I buy some Japanese soda, a box of Pocky, and 2 FUNKO pop figurines. Pidge gets some music CDs, and a conspiracy theory movie. Hunk instantly goes to the record section, picking up a few older ones and buying them in an instant. Hunk's always been a huge fan of records, and even owns a record player back at his home. He also picks up an anime plushie because, and I quote, "Screw you Lance, plushies are for all ages" and "Don't act like you don't still have your collection of sea creature plushies back at your house, I have picture proof". 

After we buy our stuff, we head on to the next area. Pidge going into a jewelry store to get Elise two pairs of earrings and a new belly button piercing for Christmas coming up in 2 months. Apparently she hates shopping closer to Christmas because they're too many people in her way. The earrings she gets are one pair of small, diamond earrings and a helix hoop earring that connects to a lobe hoop earring. The belly button piercing is a simple dangle, teardrop diamond piercing. 

Hunk then drags us down to the bookstore so he can buy shay a few gifts for Christmas as well. He gets her three books, and a few other items from different stores as well. I realize that everyone but me has gotten a gift for their soulmate, and I start looking around as well. If I'm gonna get Keith something, I'm gonna make it mean something. I don't know why, but I want him to treasure his gift. 

As we're heading down to the food court, I notice something in the window display that causes me yo freeze up. That. I have to get that. I quickly tell the others to go ahead, and that I'll meet up with them in just a moment. They nod, and move on ahead as I walk into the store. The lady at the register welcomes me as I walk up to her, and I ask her how much the item costs. It's expensive, but not overly priced. I purchase it without a second thought, and make sure that it's properly protected in it's packaging. 

I meet back up with Pidge and Hunk, and they give me a knowing look. I avoid their gazes as I order my food, and sit down to join them. As we're eating and talking, I feel dread start to fill me. I pause in the middle of my story, and Hunk and Pidge give me a strange look. 

"Something's not right" I tell them. 

Hunk gives me another knowing look as he explains to Pidge what I mean. I feel the dread slowly starting to turn into terror, and I grasp the side of the table. What's happening to him? Is he okay? I feel the terror strengthening, and worry come into play as well. I can feel that he's in pain, and for once in my life I hate the fact that our marks and pain are no longer shared. I sit up fast, causing my chair to screech back on the floor. 

"Lance? Is he okay?" Pidge asks me with a worried look. 

"No. No, I don't think so. I need to get to him. We need to go back to the dorms." I hear my own voice growing in volume and worry. 

They both nod their heads as Hunk grabs all of our bags, and they follow behind me as fast as the can as I make a full on run to my car. The second I get to the car door, I swing it open, hop inside, and practically slam my keys into the ignition. I don't bother with the radio as I try to focus on both the road and our bond. 

I can feel Keith's fear, and my grip tightens on the wheel. Then... then it just stops, and relief seems to lightly roll in. I grow anxious, and speed up a little, being sure not to go over the speed limit or get too distracted by the road. I see the school building in the near distance, and slow down as to be sure there are no students near me. The second I find a place to park, I shut my car off and rush to get out of the car. 

"Don't come into the room, I don't think he'll want anyone else in there or any crowding. I'll let you know how he's doing when I find out, just let me make sure he's ok alone." I rush to tell them before taking off towards my room. 

I feel my heart pounding as I run up the two flights of stairs, and down the hallway towards our dorm. I nearly pass my room as I skid to a halt in front of it. I feel like my chest is convulsing, my palms are sweaty (knees weak, arms are heavy... Sorry), and my legs feel like jello. I wipe my hand off on my jeans before getting my key and putting it into the lock, only to find out that the door is already unlocked. 

'Not good' I think to myself as I turn the knob and open the door. No one's in the room. It's completely empty.

"Keith!?" I shout out, panicking slightly at the unlocked door and empty room. 

"I-I'm in the ba-bathroom. I'm f-fine." He stutters out, throat clearly scratchy from either screaming or sobbing.

"Keith..." I softly call out to him as I lean against the door frame of the bathroom. 

"Please open the door. I need to know what happened." I tell him, keeping my voice as soft as possible as to not scare him or upset him. 

"No! No, I'm fine. I'll be out in a little bit, I... I need to take a shower!" He shouts out in a rush, pausing to think of an excuse. 

"Oh, well if that's the case, then can you come out for a moment so I can go to the bathroom. We left the mall before I got a chance to go, and I'm gonna have an accident if I don't go like now. If you're not dressed then you can wrap yourself in a towel, and I promise I won't look until you're behind me so I can go in." 

"I- I..." He pauses as I feel panic starting to practically pour out of him. 

"Keith, I know something happened. I could feel it, please... please let me help you. I NEED to make sure you're okay. I practically flew here with Pidge and Hunk the second I felt you grow uneasy. I was so worried about you, you know." I whisper out to him. 

"Even before we got to the mall, on our way there, I felt how lonely you were... And I know you felt how lonely I felt without you as well. The bond goes both ways, so I know you felt it. You know how worried, and scared, I was when whatever happened to you happened. You felt how terrified I was that you were hurt, how badly I wanted to get to you. Please don't shut me out." 

I feel sadness wash over him before I hear the first sob, and that hurts me the most. I wait as he calms his cries down enough for him to unlock the door, and I didn't realize how truly unready I was for the sight that would be shown to me. 

WARNING- Ok, I know I said I wouldn't place any warnings or dashed lines in this chapter, but I worry a lot. Yes, the story so far has not been triggering, and I know that. I wasn't planning on dragging those parts out as long as I had, and I thought that from here on would be the main part of the chapter. Sorry about that. However, THIS IS WHERE THE BAD STUFF STARTS GETTING DESCRIBED. PLEASE, please, please, please, please do not carry on if you've experienced child abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment, bullying, assault of any kind, pedophilia, or any other thing previously listed. I in no way intend to harm anyone by writing this, and I want anyone enjoying my story to stay safe, and understand that my writing will be triggering. There will be description of abuse, and sexual assault. Do not take chances with this. Anyway, again, if you thought you could handle it but end up getting triggered anyway, PLEASE call the appropriate hotline in the summary or contact me or a friend/family member. Please do not self-harm, or try to deal with suicidal issues, anxiety attacks, or anything else by yourself. Use the resources you have, such as the hotlines, and take care of yourself. Don't risk your mental or physical health to read a shitty fanfiction. 

The door opens to reveal a naked Keith, in nothing but his underwear... but that meant nothing to me at the moment. I didn't care about his naked body on display. If the circumstances were different, than hell yeah I would care, but they aren't. Nothing about this situation is sexy or pleasant. 

In front of me stood Keith, in nothing but his underwear. His thighs coated in old cuts, burns, scars, and more. His chest coated in the same marks, all the way down to the top of his belly, just enough room for him to be able to wear cropped articles of clothing and bathing trunks, and that's how I know that these were planned out. Whoever used to abuse him, they knew what he wore, and they made sure no one ever saw the damage done. 

The injured areas looked like someone mistook him for an ashtray and a cutting board. Cigarette burns littering his skin, scars clearly made by a knife of some sort, other scars made by something nowhere near as sharp and thin, and burns clearly bigger than a cigarette bud. His stomach and arms are littered with bruises. Purple, blue, yellow, black. All mottled together to create a canvas so horrifying, I almost feel the need to look away. 

The bruises and scars, I find out, aren't even the worst of it. I see, from the mirror behind him, that his back is the worst part. Large chunks of skin seemingly torn off, and then healed into ugly scars. Whip scars sliced down his back almost the entire way across the span of his upper back... and a large area on his right shoulder that looks like someone poured boiling water on it. Scorching the skin almost completely off, and leaving a large burn scar on the entire surface of it. 

I feel everything I ate today try It's hardest to rise up to my mouth, but I choke it all down. Forcing the vomit and tears at bay. Forcing myself to stay calm enough to take care of him. 

I walk towards him, and I feel the disgust coming from him. The hatred, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, everything. All of the negative emotions just pouring out of him, and I realize that I'd give anything to feel the uninterrupted happiness he had last night as we lay under the stars. 

"Don't touch me!" He shouts, startling me enough to nearly knock me off of my feet. 

"Kei-" He cuts me off before I can even call his name. 

"No! I'm dirty! Don't touch me... you'll be dirty too. You can't touch me. I'm dirty. I'm used. Filthy, disgusting, gross. Don't come near me, don't touch me, just leave. You don't want someone like me. Someone who's been used so many times. Someone who's filthy, and covered in hideous scars." He gets cut off by his own sobs, hugging himself with his own arms, and I have to physically hold myself back from reaching towards him knowing it'd only upset him further right now. 

"Don't need me, don't want me." He whispers out between choked up sobs, and my resolve snaps in half. 

I step forward instantly, and practically march towards him. He shouts no again, but I ignore him. Choosing instead to go up to him and pull him into my arms. He stiffened up at the gesture, but nearly melts into my arms as he falls apart. His whole body trembles with each sob, and it shocks me as I feel the difference between the tremors caused by his sobbing and the tremors caused by his laughter just last night. 

"Why, why, why, why, why-" he continues to whisper over and over again between each sob. 

"Why what?" I ask him softly. 

"Why do you touch me? Why are you worried? Why do you seem to care? Why don't you still hate me? Why didn't you listen to me? Why aren't you just abandoning me already? Why?" He whispers out, voice cracking on the last why. 

"You needed the comfort, I care about you, you're nothing like I expected and so much more than I deserve, I would never listen to nonsense like that, and I have no reason to." I answer each question in a row, answering the third and forth question with one answer. 

"No, I'm nothing close to what you deserve. You deserve someone normal, someone that's still a virgin, someone with smooth skin instead of scarred flesh, someone without so much baggage, someone without so many mental illnesses, someone that's so much better than me. You deserve someone so much better, Lance. Not me. No one near someone like me." He cries out as soon as he finishes his statement, and I see how much his own words truly hurt himself. 

"No. Fuck no, Keith. No one in this damn world is normal, and in my opinion being insane is the norm these days. Your scars, burns, marks? Battle scars. Nothing more, nothing less. They're proof that you survived. Proof of what you went through to keep going. Proof of how brave and strong you are. Don't be ashamed of them. Your baggage is my baggage, and that wouldn't change no matter who my soulmate was. We are one, you and I, and your problems and past are an important part of us and our relationship. Mental illnesses? Nothing you or anyone can control. As for being a virgin? I simply don't care. The only thing I care about when it comes to that? That would be the fact that you had no choice in the matter. As far as I'm concerned, what that person did to you was rape, not sex, and if you've never had sex then you're just as much of a virgin as I am. You never consented, and even if you had decided not to save yourself, and had had relationships and sex before I still wouldn't have ever held that stuff against you. Your body is your body, nothing you choose to do with it will ever affect my opinion on it." I pause for a moment, allowing him to take in everything I'm saying. 

"And..." I hesitate for a moment, nervous to say the rest of my answer. 

"And when it comes to deserving a better soulmate..." I pause again, moving his face so that our eyes meet. 

"There is no one in any universe that would ever be better than you in my eyes. You were made for me, and I was made for you. We're soulmates, and that means that we will never be less than perfect to the other. You, are perfect. That's why it's so damn hard to hold on to my childhood hatred and anger. To hold onto the grudge I kept for years. It's so hard for me to find a single problem with you. To find something, anything, that would be leverage for me to hold onto the hatred I used to hold onto. No one's perfect in every sense, and to everyone, but to me... to me as your soulmate, the person that the universe created just for you and vise versa, I see nothing but perfection when I look at you." I pause again before placing a soft kiss onto his lips. Lingering for just a moment before I pull back to continue my speech.

"Your raven hair that's soft as silk, and reaches down to the tops of your shoulders? Perfect. The dimples that show on your cheeks whenever you smile, and the freckles splashed across your cheeks and nose? Perfect. Your gorgeous violet eyes, unique in every single way? Perfect. Your pale skin that matches so well with every single one of your features? Perfect. Your perfect, hourglass figure? Sexy... and perfect." I pause to chuckle as he lets out a choked up chuckle as well. 

His eyes are glistening with hushed tears, as he hangs off of my every word. I feel his heart pounding against my own, and I revel in how good that feels. 

"Your laughter that goes back and forth between loud and boisterous, and light and airy? Absolutely perfect, and easily my favorite sound right in front of your voice. How excited you get when discussing something you love, and the passion behind each word you speak about that thing? Breathtaking, and perfect. That glint you get in your eyes whenever you know the answer to something someone asks, and when you whisper it to yourself thinking no one hears you? Precious, and perfect. The fond look you get anytime you talk about your brother Keiji? Beautiful, and perfect." I pause again, as I debate saying the rest of my statement once more. 

"Your scars, marks that show how far you've come and how hard you've fought? Perfect, and so inspirational. Your bravery, hardwork, and loyalty? Admirable, and nothing less than perfect. You're perfect to me Keith. Everything about you is so perfect to me, and that's something you're going to have to learn to accept because I will tell it to you over and over again when you doubt it. I may not be totally ready to move into any sort of relationship at the moment, as I still need to sort through my own issues, but you... Keith you're everything I wished you weren't. I wanted someone I could hate. Someone I could meet and say, 'Hey, this person is horrible, ugly, obnoxious, self centered, rude, and just downright awful. I hate him, and I'm glad I was right about him from the beginning'. I wanted my grudge to be deserved. For every bad thought I'd had about soulmates at a younger age, to all be justified. However, when I met you I found it so hard to even see you as the same person I grew up knowing. You were so perfect, so beautiful, that I just couldn't bring myself to even see you as the same person."

"So you're not disappointed that you got stuck with someone like me as your soulmate?" He asks in a small voice. 

"No, in fact, I'm glad it's you I get to spend the rest of my life with." I tell him, completely serious. 

"What if you find out about my past, and it changes your mind on that? He asks me. 

"Try me."


	9. I Don't Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING- All of the warnings from last chapter, apply to this one as well. However, this chapter is about 10 times worse. It deals with all of the stuff previously listed, in graphic detail. I love gore, and I love angst. This will be very angsty, very gory, very graphic, and very sickening and awful. This will not be a fun ride, nor will it be vague. This ENTIRE CHAPTER is filled with graphic descriptions of rape, child abuse, violence, mental abuse, child prostitution, slight self-harm, small depictions of suicidal thoughts, and a lot more. This chapter WILL be triggering. Please proceed with caution, and understand that this fanfic WILL be about this type of stuff throughout. It is not a happy story, it's about the struggles of horrible pasts, hatred, and relationship issues. That's been stated since the very beginning, and hasn't changed. Please keep this in mind. 
> 
> P.S. I've been waiting to get into Keith's past, and I'm SO glad I finally get to dive into the majority of it. I've always been a big SVU junkie, and I love writing, reading, and watching about this type of stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the next two questions!
> 
> Question- Do you have any pets?
> 
> Answer- I do! I had two cats for most of my life, names Cupcake and Roxy, but had to get rid of them almost 3 years because my brother was born premature. I also had a Beta fish named Flappy, it's an inside joke XD, that survived about 2 years of dangerous near death experiances. He literally jumped into the garbage disposal in the sink once, and it just so happened to have been clogged, and it filled up with water that allowed him to float up so we could save him. What in the hell type of luck? Anyway, I currently have a 1 year old puppy named Mika. She's a miniature, Australian Shepherd. She's my whole life right now. 
> 
> Question- what family do you have?
> 
> Answer- I have my dad and a 2, almost 3, year old brother. I also have a 20-21 year old half brother (same mom, different dad) that is basically banished from my entire family. My mom passed away this April from a 5 month battle with Sarcoma cancer. So, right now it's just my dad, baby brother, Mika, and I along with all of our relatives.

"You... You really don't want to know Lance. I know you probably understand the gist of what happened due to what you felt, but you don't know what the cause of the marks were, who did what, and what was truly happening to me. Once you know those things, you can't go back. You can never try to convince yourself it didn't happen. You can never try and write those marks off as just bullying, or anything like that. It will be a new reality, and you can't just escape it. You'll know the full extent of what happened to me, and you'll never have that naivete again. Are you sure you want that? Are you absolutely sure you are fine with knowing what was really happening?" Keith states, easily the most serious I've ever seen him before.  
  
His face is set in a firm frown. Eyes seemingly sunken, and red from crying. His cheeks splotchy, and tear stained as the tears continue to fall from the tips of his eyelashes. He's still beautiful. Stunning actually. Even after being beaten, exposed, scared, vulnerable, and sobbing he still manages to look absolutely perfect to me.  
  
"Yes. I'll need to find out someday, Keith. If that day is today, then I'm perfectly fine with that. However," I pause for a moment.  
  
I look at his body, up and down. Taking in the horrid scene in front of me. Scars, bruises, burns, all still right in front of my eyes. It makes me sick to think that something like this happened to him, and I realized something. He has the scars, I don't. No marks on a soulmate are permanent, only on the original receiver of the mark. I get to move on, he doesn't. That's when I feel the guilt settle in. Heavy in my gut, like a cement block pushing down on it.  
  
"However, let's get you bandaged up first. Oh, and tell me what happened a little bit ago as well before you explain what happened in the past, please. I need to know what happened, it's eating away at me." I tell him, receiving a nod in response.  
  
I sit him down on the toilet before I start to get together medical supplies to use on him. I get the bandages, a salve for scars, and an ointment that helps with bruising. I set them all aside on the sink as I kneel in front of him.  
  
"I'm going to be careful, but your body is very sensitive right now due to how bruised up it is. So, this might hurt just a little bit. I'll be as gentle as possible, I promise." He nods again after I finish what I had to say, but I can see the hesitant look in his eyes.  
  
I carefully grab his hand it give it a light squeeze, looking into his eyes to tell him it's okay. I grab the salves, and rub them either onto the bruises or the scars respectfully. Lightly dragging my fingers across each scar with as much gentleness as I possibly can. He flinches each time I touch a new scar, and I suck in a breath as I feel my own chest ache for him.  
  
“It was the group of guys from last time. They saw me in the hallway, and decided to start picking on me. I tried to ignore them, at first, but they just kept insulting me and pushing me. Taunting me over and over again. When they saw I wasn't responding to the taunts, they started shoving harder. Then, the main guy… the one who uh, had his hand under my shirt before.. He shoved me to the ground. We were in the hallway, so they dragged me into an empty classroom so no one would see. Teasing me, and hurting me. Throwing punch after punch at me, and groping everywhere. Then they started kicking me, and one had cleats on. He stomped my stomach in, while the others continue to kick me in the head and sides. They didn't care about me, they just used me as their punching bag.”   
  
”I'm sorry I didn't get here in time" I whisper to him.   
  
As I finish up with his chest, I move onto the bruises on his stomach. Lightly rubbing the salve onto each bruise with the palm of my hand. Feeling the curve of his waist, and the smoothness of his skin compared to the feeling of his scars. I feel my eyes water at the memory of the feeling of uneven skin. Raised gashes and sunken in scars. Each scar having a different feeling than the last.  
  
I move onto his thighs next. Treating each scar with care as I apply the medicine. It takes me a moment to choke back my tears as I realize I don't have enough of the salve to use on his back. Running out of the stuff before I can even finish his right thigh.  
  
I physically have to rest my head on his shoulder. Feeling the tremors run through my body as I choke back the tears. Trying my best to stay strong for him. My hand resting on his thigh as I hold myself up. Then I feel something drop onto it. I go to tilt my head so I can see it, but suddenly feel a hand on my head. Holding it still so that I can't turn it. The hand grasps my hair with slight panic and desperation. The fingers curling into my locks as the owner presses a tiny bit more strength into his hold.  
  
I realize what he's doing when I hear him sniffle, and it breaks my heart. He doesn't want me to see him crying. He doesn't want to come off as weak to me, or even in general. The wet droplets dripping onto my hand and onto his thighs, they're tears that he doesn't want me to see. Tears he doesn't want me to know are there, pain he doesn't want to expose, and vulnerability he doesn't want to exist.  
  
His body starts to tremble against mine. The tears dripping onto my hand tripling as I go to wrap my arms around his body. Lightly tightening my hold on him as I pull him closer to me. Too afraid to let go of him, yet too afraid of hurting him to put much strength into it.  
  
"Keith... It's okay to let it out." I whisper into his neck.  
  
His body practically convulses as he does everything he can to hold in the sob that's threatening to come out of him. Body jolting at the feeling of it as he chokes it back, and lets out a whimper instead.  
  
"It's not! It's not okay to let it out! It's not okay! Nothing about any of this is okay! I'm not okay!" He shouts out, voice cracking on each word.  
  
His voice is raspy from the barely concealed sobs, and I rip myself out of his grasp the second he finishes shouting. Pulling myself away to about arms length from him, and placing my hands on his cheeks. Holding his face in my palms, thumbs brushing away the tear tracks underneath his eyes.  
  
I take in his expression. Face covered in tears, eye glistening and filled with so much pain. Cheeks a splotchy red, and nose crinkled as he grits his teeth in what I can only imagine must be frustration and disgust. My sun-kissed hands against his pale skin. He still manages to take my breath away.  
  
"It is okay. It is always okay to cry, always okay to let all of your emotions out. It's okay to be vulnerable, and it's okay to be weak when you need to be. Right now, I'm being strong for you. I'm being strong for you so that you can be weak for once in your life. So that you can finally drop all of the walls you have up, and let go of your strength. You're still alive, Keith. You're still here. If that doesn't show how absolutely brave and strong you are, then I don't know what possibly could. Let it go for one day. You can be vulnerable right now. You know why?" I ask him.  
  
"Why?" He whispers, voice weak.  
  
"Because I'm here to catch you. I'm here to put back all of the pieces once you finally drop them. I'm here to be your wall. So let go... because my arms are open for you, and I promise you right now that I won't drop you. Right now, I'll catch you no matter what." I tell him, hoping that he realizes how much I emphasized that it's for right now.  
  
"You promise?" He asks me, eyes glistening with barely held in tears.  
  
"I promise" I tell him.  
  
"Now, let me wrap up your stomach to make sure it's well covered, and we'll get you dressed. Then, you can tell me everything you're comfortable telling me." He nods once to let me know he understands me.  
  
I spend the next few minutes bandaging him up. Wrapping the bandage around his stomach until all of the bruises are snuggly covered, providing a thin layer of protection. Once I'm done I pick out a white camisole and a pair of flowy, light blue shorts. Helping him put them on, and then leading him over to my bed. We settle on top of the covers, leaning against the wall with our shoulders touching.  
  
It's silent for a few moments. The air between us stiff and uncomfortable, filled with such tension that you could cut it in half. I can feel him lightly shaking next to me, his foot tapping a mile per minute, showing how nervous he is. Not that I'd need to look at his physical signs though. I'm nearly choking from the anxiety rushing through our bond, suffocating me by wrapping around my entire body and just squeezing with all it's might.  
  
"When I was six, turning seven in five and a half months, my mom told me she was four weeks pregnant. That announcement made me so happy. Seeing how bright her smile was as she practically glowed in front of me. Radiating so much excitement as she held the small bump of her stomach with as much love and care as possible. Dad was happy too. Lifting her up in excitement to swing her around, telling her how happy he was. They couldn't wait to have another child, and I couldn't wait to have a brother or sister. We were so happy. Dad feeling mom's belly practically 24/7. Laying together in the big bed, dad holding mom from behind and me resting my head on her belly. I remember the first time feeling the baby's first kick, and squealing in excitement. I bragged to dad for two weeks after that because I was so excited. We were so happy. When she was six and a half months pregnant, I celebrated my seventh birthday. I told mom that I wanted to help pick out my little brothers name as one of my presents, and she said that I could pick it out as long as they agreed. I originally wanted Elliot or Eli, but they didn't like those names too much so I made a list. the first one on there, was Keiji. I told them that it meant beautiful history, and said that it was my favorite one. I wanted the name to mean something neat, and I'm Korean so I wanted something of Asian origin. Mom loved it, and dad thought it was a cool name with a good meaning behind it. I was so happy that I got to decide the name for my baby brother, and I told everyone at school." He pauses to let out a small chuckle.  
  
"He was a kicker. Every single day he'd kick mom, and she'd just smile. So happy that he was alive and healthy. She loved him so much already, and he wasn't even born yet. Then..." He pauses again, gulping before continuing.  
  
"Then something happened. The baby was coming, but he was a month too early. She was so panicked, and she just kept telling the nurses, 'Make sure he's okay, do whatever you need to, to keep him alive and healthy'. Over and over again. They had to put her under, using anesthesia, and do a C-section. Dad and I were able to stay in the room as comfort for her, and I saw the table. There was so much blood... so much... but then... then there was crying. Keiji was alive, and the delivery had gone well, but he was premature so they had to take him to the NICU to keep him healthy. Everything was fine for a few moments, but then her heart monitor started beeping and we were told that we had to leave. I still don't know what happened in there after we were taken out, but whatever they did seemed to stabilize her. She was fine." He pauses as he takes in a stuttered breath, trying to stay strong.  
  
"Keiji had to stay in the NICU for a few days, but was able to go home after that. Mom was still in the hospital though. The C-section caused an infection, and it just wasn't healing... She died 3 days after we took Keiji home... the infection just kept getting worse, and her vitals were dropping lower and lower. Her body just gave up on her. Dad braved through it for the first few days. Setting up a babysitter that would take care of Keiji while he worked, and made sure that we were setup to receive a shipment of baby formula each month. Then... Then after a few days... he just quit his job. He quit his job and started going to a bar instead. Wasting our money on drink after drink, and party after party. He fired the babysitter too, saying he didn't need one anymore cause he'd be working at home. I was only 7... I was only 7, yet I became a parent. Feeding Keiji, bathing Keiji, changing Keiji, rocking Keiji to sleep in the crib in my room. I did everything for him, and every day I'd spend hours in my room with him, hiding from the party goers downstairs. One day, an angry drunk came upstairs because Keiji wouldn't stop crying. They opened my bedroom door, and It was dad. He was so pissed. He pulled me by my wrist off of the crib, and yanked me down the stairs by my hair. Dragging my body down each one. He threw me onto the floor in the middle of the room, in front of all of the drunk people dancing..." The next words spark a memory from me, and I can't help but to imagine it as he's talking.  
  
This next part will be what Keith says as normal, and Lance reliving what the first memory in the first chapter of this book was in italics. So everything written in italics is a direct copy from the first part, of the first chapter, of this story.  
  
"Then he punched me in the stomach. I cried out in pain, curling up into a small ball to escape the pain. He wouldn't stop though. He just started throwing punch after punch, kick after kick. Not caring where he hit me on my small body."  
  
_Mommy!" I scream as I awake to the feeling of being punched in the stomach. I scream in pain, and my body starts getting_ _littered with bruise after bruise._  
  
"He just kept hurting me. Raining hits on every single part of my body. Beating me into the ground until I saw black spots dancing across my vision, and could feel the blood dripping down my body. Everyone just watched. Watched my dad beat me within an inch of my life. Nearly crushing my skull into the floor as he stomped on it... Then he missed. He missed my skull, and instead stomped on my small arm laying next to my face. Crushing the bone under it, and I still remember the audible crunch. Bones crumbling under his foot as the noise rings in my ear. He broke my wrist in 3 different places."  
  
_I can feel each punch crushing my small body, each bruise searing into my skin as my body flails in pain, and each second pass like an hour as my body filled with fear. I saw black as spots dancing across_ _my vision from the overwhelming pain. The punches feeling like cement blocks being dropped on my body. I feel the very moment my wrist gets stomped on, screaming as it feels as though it has_ _shattered. Feeling as though my bones were disintegrating and being crushed into_ _a fine powder. It hurt like hell._  
  
"He didn't stop though. Even after hearing my screams, he just smiled at me and continued hitting me. Beating me senseless until my whole body was purple, and my voice was completely gone. As he walked away, all I could feel was utter betrayal. Having the person I loved and trusted more than anyone else in the whole world hurt me more than anyone else ever had, or ever could. Having the person that took part in making me, go so far out of their way to get rid of me. It hurt more than anything else ever could, or at least that's what I thought at the time."  
  
_My parent's rush into my room to find me writhing on the bed, bruises coating my face and body. My eyes squeezed shut as tears flow out of them. I feel the pain slow down to a muffled whisper as my parents freak out. The whole time my body shook_ _from the burning betrayal I felt racing through my veins. The feeling as though someone close to me had stabbed me in the back. My heart constricting at the overwhelming feelings. The betrayal and_ _sadness didn't leave my thoughts, even_ _after the pain seemed to stop coming._

  
“I just lay there, suffering and crying silently. Then I saw him again. He was walking towards me, and I can still feel the fear I felt that day like it happened yesterday. He had grabbed me by my hair, and dragged me across the carpet. The flooring burning my exposed legs as he yanked me across it, and I struggled so hard to get him to release my hair. I still remember how he had ripped a chunk of my hair out, only to grab another chunk and continue pulling. Then he let go, and I Prayed and prayed that it was over... It wasn't though. He then grabbed me by my good arm, and threw me down the basement stairs. My whole body felt broken, and I just laid there in the fetal position. Grasping onto my legs with whatever strength I had left, and begged my mom to come back and save me."  
  
_I start to calm down, but soon enough feel the overwhelming fear in my stomach resurface. My legs start to sting as though I'm getting carpet burn, and my whole body jolts with pain as I feel like I've been thrown down the stairs. I feel the fear,_ _betrayal, and sadness come back tenfold as I feel hands gripping the sides of my legs like someone is holding them in a death-grip. I recognize the feeling from_ _when I'd crawl into the fetal position and grasp my legs when I was sad and scared._  
  
I heard the door to the basement open yet again, and a bunch of footsteps. I really thought that some people from the party came to help me... They were beng lead down by my dad, and he had a leather belt. I felt so scared. So terrified of someone that should've been my biggest comfort. They all crowded over me as he shoved me onto my stomach with his foot. He lashed me across the back 17 times. I just cried, and cried. I couldn't do anything at that point. My body just hurt too much to move it, and I was too small and weak to do anything even if I could move"  
  
_I felt a burning sting in streaks down my back. The feeling of leather whipping my back, leaving angry, red welts across it. The doctors quickly gave me some sort of medicine, and I felt the pain becoming muffled again. The lashes no longer feeling like much more than a tickle_ _down my back, but the fear and sadness still_ _took over my brain the same way it had_ _been._  
  
My memories end there as I had fallen asleep almost right after, and I realize that Keith wasn't done.  
  
"When he finished whipping me, he yelled at someone to come over and fix me. Apparently one of the partiers were a doctor, and a friend of his... He... He agreed to treat my wounds for free if my dad allowed him to... If he allowed him to have some fun with me. Dad didn't seem so sure about it at first, but when the doctor guy told him what the price would be otherwise, he agreed without hesitation." He pauses as his voice goes into a whisper.  
  
"It hurt so bad. He didn't prep me, didn't use lube, and was so much bigger than me. I was still a child, I was in so much pain already. He just went in dry, not caring about hurting me, and my vocal chords managed to let out one more scream. It felt like it went on forever, and everyone in the room just watched. Some touching themselves, and others just watching in fascination. When he finally... finished... he just yanked out of me and threw me back onto the ground. I passed out then and there with the only thought in my mind being how much I wished I had passed out sooner. By the time I woke up, I found out that the doctor had taken another round before bandaging me up, and I just cried. I still had to take care of Keiji though... So I got out of bed, went sucked in the pain, and took care of him. Feeding him his bottle, changing his diaper, giving him his bath, and then rocking him to sleep. I didn't care how much my body was screaming, Keiji didn't have any way to take care of himself. He relied on me to do these things, and I knew no one else would. My dad didn't even apologize to me for what he had done. He just gave me two weeks. Just two weeks to heal before he started beating me again. Every single day, he'd do the same shit to me. Beating me, whipping me, even going so far as to break my bones whenever he got really angry. The doctor guy always fixed me up whenever it got too bad, but my dad told him to wait his turn when it came to his payment. I never knew what that meant... Until my 15th birthday on October 23rd." Keith pauses as I feel fear rush through my own veins, a combination of both of our fear.  
  
This next part is the next flashback from the first chapter, and it works the same way as the last one.  
  
"Keiji was 8 years old by then, so he was out with friends. He never knew about the abuse, so he didn't question it when I asked him to go there even though it was my birthday. My birthdays were always the worst. He was always so much angrier on those days, and I never knew why. I was scared so I tried to leave the house as well later on, but he caught me before I could open the front door. He just grabbed my wrist and dragged me up to his bedroom. The second we entered the room, he just picked me up and threw me onto his bed. Crawling on top of me, preventing any possible way for me to escape. He just looked down at me and said, 'You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do this. Ever since I saw you under John I've been waiting to try you out for myself.'. I knew what that meant. I didn't want to, but I did. I knew what he wanted from me, and I was too afraid to fight back. He held my arms down, and I didn't even fight against it. I... I knew it would be e-easier to just ta-take it. I was so afraid, and it just felt like I was suffocating underneath him. Then he kissed me... h-he ki-kissed me, and then started to suck on my neck. I couldn't help it, i just started to squirm away from him. I didn't want what he was doing, and he didn't like that. So, he bit me. He bit all the way through my skin, into my neck. Then he ripped all of my clothes off of my body, tearing each piece of cloth to shreds."  
  
_I was woken up by the feeling of the hand shaped bruises holding my arms down, and the suffocating fear as I felt a heavy pressure against my thighs like someone was sitting on me. I gasped as I sat up in fear, and glanced at my clock. The time_ _had read only 4am, and I felt the sleepy nausea start to fill my stomach. I felt something sink into my neck after bruises had started littering it, and I soon realized_ _what was happening._ __  
__  
_The weight pinning me down, the handprints on my wrists like someone was restraining them, the hickeys_ _and bite marks littering my neck and collar bones. I knew what was happening, but I didn't want to. I'm only 15, which meant he's probably only 14, 15, or 16 since soulmates were always born in the same year. He's only a child._ __  
  
"It really hurt, and I started to struggle away from the pain. He just grabbed my thighs and ripped them open. Not caring at all about my struggling, or the fear and pain that I felt. He... He just k-kept smiling. Like h-he was s-so happy he fi-finally got to do this to me. He kept telling me how perfect I was, and how he finally found something I could do to make myself worth something. I was so terrified. Fear freezing me in place, and twisting up my insides."  
  
_I had had sex ed earlier this year, and I knew what was going on. I felt handprints forming on the insides of my thighs, like someone was forcing them open, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I felt my chest constrict with utter terror and betrayal as I threw up every bit of the_ _meals I had eaten just yesterday. The pain of the bond was too strong for me, and I almost wished I could get rid of it. As I felt_ _the fear beginning to overwhelm my soulmates emotions, I quickly took the safe amount of sleeping pills to escape_ _what was going to happen to them._  
  
"I closed my eyes, and all I could hear was him unbuckling his belt. His pants being pulled off, and his skin against mine. Then he just shoved into me, just like that doctor did. No care, or preparation. Just dry, and painful. I could feel my insides tearing apart, and it hurt so much. I just kept crying and screaming, but he never cared or stopped. It felt like everything was on fire, and soon enough the blood just started to work as lubrication. Not that that would matter though, he finished before the pain ever did. He never even wore a condom. I felt so sick to my stomach, and I can just remember running to the bathroom. I hopped in the shower, and threw up everything I had eaten before cleaning everything up. I must have been in there for a half hour just scrubbing my skin raw. By the time I got of the shower, my whole body was sore and red. I... I wanted to forget so bad. Wanted to forget the pain I had been going through every single day. For once, I wanted to be in control. To ve able to control how much pain I felt, and when and where I felt it. So, I... I took my razor out of the cabinet. It was a lot easier to break open than I thought it would've been. I only did it once. One thin cut across the front of my line before I truly realised what I had done. I thought of you... I thought to myself that you had to go through muffled versions of everything I went through, and that cutting myself only added to your pain. I couldn't do it anymore after that. I couldn't cause you anymore pain. I didn't want to leave Keiji either. I needed to take care of him, needed to save him from what happened to me. If I left, he'd be my replacement and I knew that. I couldn't leave him, and I couldn't leave you." He finishes up with a blank expression, all emotion in his face completely gone.  
  
__I felt the muffled feeling of my insides tearing apart, and the burning pain of what was happening to my soulmate. I nearly screamed at the pain and fear I felt through our bond. Soon enough it was over, and I was crushed by the sadness I felt. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt something sharp sliding against my thigh for the first time.  
  
"After that... It just got worse. Dad needed more money, and he was too much of a useless drunkard to get a job. He saw me, and he saw an opportunity to get money without any work being done. At first it was just some of his friends. One's that were at that first party at least. The doctor was a regular, he came almost daily. Apparently I was worth $100 a round, and $150 a round if you wanted to do more than just normal sex. People paid for everything. Beating me up, tying me up, burning me, cutting me, and more. Sometimes they'd even pay to get me drunk or put me to sleep. Those buyers were the worse, I'd wake up with no memory of what had happened and that always scared me more than anything. It was horrible not knowing what was happening with your body... Then... Then dad started getting into drugs. Ecstasy, cocaine, weed, heroin, and more. The whole package. The only problem? My... s-services... weren't paying for this addiction. He raised each round to about $500, and $600 for the extra stuff. It still wasn't enough though, and his customers were pissed that he raised the price so much. They'd demand the original cost, and by the time they finally sucked it up and paid up anyway they were too pissed to go easy on me. They were a lot rougher after that, and the... extra stuff got worse. It still wasn't making enough money. He was behind on thousands of dollars worth of payments, and we weren't raising enough money... H-He... He th-threatened to... to hurt Keiji if I didn't start making more money, but I didn't know what to do. I was only 15, I couldn't get a job anywhere unless I was 16. It didn't matter though... The drug dealers he owed money to, they burst down our door and threatened to kill my dad. Keiji was out with friends, thank god, but I was up in my room hiding in my closet. They knew he had sons, so they set out to find us thinking he'd pay up if they used us as blackmail. I was so scared, and I felt like I couldn't breath. It felt like the walls were closing in around me, and then suddenly the door was yanked open. I screamed in terror, but they just pulled me out by my hair and threw me down the stairs. I was grabbed by the main guy in charge, and he threw me down onto the floor again. Then... then he got a good look at me, and he liked what he saw. They took turns... all six of them took turns on me, and it hurt so bad. I just laid down and took it, and they realized. They realized how used to it I was, and they called me all kinds of names. Whore, slut, fa*got, and more. I felt so used after it, and I just wanted it all to be over. It lasted for so long though, and I was too scared to fight back or struggle They even held a gun up to me for most of the time. I w-was s-so sc-scared" He says as his sob cuts his story off.  
  
"When they finished, they threw me aside like a bag of garbage, and I can honestly say that that's what I had felt like since I was 7. Just a useless bag of garbage... The next day, I came home from school to see my dad on the floor. He had died of an overdose. Excessive amounts of both heroin and cocaine don't make a good combo apparently. I felt so happy about it, and then I felt sick knowing that my dad dying made me happy. I called the police to let them know, and they were able to remove the body before Keiji got home. I had to break the news that both of our parents were now dead, and he... He was so happy... That was when he told me. He told me how he had walked in on what was happened a few months ago, and he knew about the beatings. He hated what dad was doing to me, and he was so happy that I was finally safe. The next day we were sent to a um... we were sent to a foster care center." He trailed, off and I felt the guilt from our bond.  
  
I knew he didn't tell me everything, that he was holding something back. I know that he stopped telling me the story at a part when he was still 15, and that he still has 2 years until he starts to get happy. I know this, but I'm not going to force him to tell me anything he wants to. I can only assume that he told me all he wanted to, and I'm fine with what he was willing to offer.  
  
"W-why don't y-you feel disgusted b-by me? Why ar-aren't you l-looking at m-me with ha-hatred right n-now!? W-why are you s-so calm!?" He shouts at me, voice breaking on most of his words.  
  
He grabs me by the shoulders, and twists my body towards him. Our eyes meeting, and bodies facing each other. The color drained from his face, eyes bloodshot. The tear tracks streaking down his cheeks, and onto his neck. I turn my head to see his knuckles white from the grasp on my shoulders, his whole body tensed up as though he's both prepared to fight and run away.  
  
"Why would I ever feel that way towards you Keith? What did you expect? That you were going to tell me about years of abuse, rape, torture, and more and then I'd what? Laugh at you? Be unable to look at you? Be sickened by you? Be angry at you? Did you honestly think I was that type of person?" I ask him, voice soft.  
  
"I don't know you, Lance. How would I ever know how you'd react if our main experiences together mainly consist of you hating me or ignoring me? I know barely anything about you. I know that you love your family, your favorite color is blue, you pace back and forth whenever you're angry or nervous, you love anything that involves the ocean, you go do campfires and S'mores each Friday with your family, and what? That's all I know about you. That's all you've LET me know about you. We haven't had any conversations that would give me a clear reason to know how you'd react to my past. You've been comforting, relatively caring, and helpful, but that was all before you knew anything. I was so afraid that you'd use something like this against me to fuel your hatred towards me. How in the world was I supposed to know that that wouldn't be the case?" He tells me, desperation slipping into his voice with each word.  
  
He's right. He has the same thoughts that I had on Friday when Hunk was questioning me. We don't know each other at all really. We have no clue what type of person the other truly is, or really anything they like. We don't know each other.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Keith. I know I haven't been the best soulmate so far. I've blamed you for your abuse and rape, I've ignored you every single time we've grown closer, I've hurt you, I've avoided getting to know you, I've made bad impressions, and more. I know I haven't been the best, but I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to get over the feelings I once had for you, and soulmates in general. I know it's silly, but it's not easy for me to change all of my perspectives on things in just a few days. I need time. I don't know how much time it'll be, but I need it nonetheless."  
  
"You can take all the time you need, but just know that you're only causing more problems by doing so." He whispers the last part almost like he doesn't want me to hear them, but I catch them anyway.  
  
'I know that' I think to myself.


	10. Meet Mavy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about such a late update. There's been some family problems this month, and everythings just been a bit chaotic and was making me a bit of a downer. Due to the state I was in, well at least the state my thoughts and head were in, I just didn't feel as though anything I wrote was coming out the way I wanted it to. After giving up on trying for a few days, I got into my usual headspace where weeks pass, and I have no clue about it. I just kind of do everything mechanically, not paying attention to anything, and soon enough it's been like a month and a half and I could've sworn it's only been a day. Anyway, I've been getting a bit more sleep. The family problems are still going on, we're right in the thick of it actually, but I feel like I'm in a much better place to be writing. Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking about adding a chapter after this just with all of the information on my characters. Like putting a list of everyone's full name, age, sexuality, appearance, etc. I already have all of that info in my notes, so I'd pretty much just have to copy and paste. I figured it would give everyone an easy reference to all character descriptions, and would maybe even give my readers a chance to add onto them. I have a bunch of characters where parts of their descriptions aren't fully completed yet. Like their appearance isn't fully done or they don't have any likes, dislikes, weird quirks, etc yet. Let me know if any of you want me to post that list, and let you guys help me add to it.

I wake up to the sound of doors slamming, and a knock on my own door. I realize that it's now Sunday morning, and I never informed Hunk and Pidge about what happened. Figuring that's probably them at the door, I go to get out of bed. However, as I shift an inch forward I feel myself pressed up against something. It takes me a moment to focus on my surroundings, but as I do I realize what I'm pressed up against. Laying in my bed, pressed up against me... Is Keith.    
  
His raven colored hair splayed across his face, and his eyes closed. Chest extending towards me with each breath he takes. I go to move my right hand, and then realize that his head is laying on my upper arm and my fingers are in his hair. My face turns a bit red, but I shove the warm feelings down and go to lightly pull my arm out from under him. 

He shifts from my movement but doesn't quite wake up. I feel something pull my shirt, and I look down at my chest to find that his hand had tightened its grasp on my shirt. That's when I realize how vulnerable and cute he looks. 

His cheek smushed up against my arm, his fist curled into my shirt, his bare legs slightly curled towards his chest, and his other fust laying in front of him. I inwardly coo at his appearance as I try to figure out how I could possibly get out of this situation. Luckily, someone else decided to help me out. 

“ _ Lance! _ We knocked 10 minutes ago, get your ass out of bed!” Pidge shouts through the door.

The noise startles Keith awake and simultaneously scares the crap out of me. His fist tightens its hold, and he jolts awake. Springing upwards, and then falling out of the bed pulling me forward a bit. His head is swiveling left and right, checking for what could have woken him up. 

Then our eyes meet, and I watch his entire expression relax. His eyelids lower, and his lips stretch into a light smile. The look He's giving me makes my chest ache, but I try my best to push the feeling as far back into my chest as possible. Instead of acting on my sudden rush of feelings, I choose to laugh instead. 

“Did that startle you?” I ask him through chuckles. 

His face turns a bright red at my laughter, and he brings his hands up to cover his face. I hear him groan in embarrassment, which only serves to make me laugh even harder. Soon enough my laughter dies down at the face he's giving me, and the feelings coursing through the bond coming from him. 

His eyes gain a soft look at them, and his face relaxes again. Another soft smile painting itself across his face. His ears turning a light pink, along with his neck, causing me to wonder how far that blush goes. 

I can feel everything he feels towards me. The affection, happiness, excitement, hesitancy, curiosity, determination, and something else I can't quite name. He starts to move towards me, crawling back to the bed on the floor. 

I don't think he realizes how sexy what he's doing is. Crawling towards me on all fours, lower back exposed by the shirt riding up on him, limbs stretching towards me, and butt shifting with each movement towards me. I hold my breath, hoping he won't understand what's going through my mind and watch as he crawls into the bed. He snuggles back under the covers and lays pressed up against me. 

I reach towards his hair, barely restraining from pulling him towards me and yanking his lips onto mine, going to tuck it behind his ear. However, I'm annoyingly interrupted by Pidge once again. The knocking causes us both to jolt in shock. 

“Stop fucking, and open the door! We've always studied on Sundays together, and that's not gonna change because of your sad sex life!” Pidge shouts. 

I sigh before gesturing for Keith to get up. He begrudgingly rolls out of the bed, making his way to his bed by, once again, crawling on all fours. I'd jokingly complain, but it gave me a view I'm not afraid to admit I'd die for. Once he's back in his bed, he pulls the covers over him like a burrito and buries his face into the blanket. I inwardly coo at him again before making my way out of bed, and to the door. 

“Do we have to study?” I ask Pidge as I pull the door open. 

“Yes. Yes, we do. The last time we skipped a study session, you failed three tests. The three tests we were going to be studying for. The last thing I want is for you to force me to listen to your complaining for 10 weeks after because you wanted to go hang out with a girl instead of studying. Get your shit, get dressed, and get to the car. We're going to the cafe.” Pidge answers with a sigh, turning her head away in embarrassment when she mentions where they're going. 

I feel a prickle of irritation and something else hit me when Pidge mentioned the girl, and I glance at Keith for a moment. His back is still turned to me, and I can't see anything besides the top of his head and his blanket. I just write it off as being nothing and go to get ready. 

Once I grab everything to go, I make my way over to Keith. He's still wrapped up, and I laugh at how cute he looks. I bring my hand up to the blanket and pull it down a bit so I can get a look at his face. He glances up at me due to the movement, and I tuck his hair behind his ear. 

“I'll be back in a few hours. I realized we don't have each other's phone numbers, so I wrote mine down on a note on your desk. If anyone bothers you, you need help, you just want me to come back to the room, or you just want to talk or hang out then send me a text or give me a call. I don't mind it at all, so don't hesitate when it comes to that. Anyway, I'll be back in a few hours after the study lesson. See you later.” I hesitate for a minute before leaning down to press a quick peck on his forehead. 

I had to brush his bangs back to do so, and I marveled at the softness of it once more. My lips are barely on him for two seconds, but it feels a lot longer than that for me. As I pull away, I notice his violet eyes are wide as his cheeks turn a bright crimson red. I pull away and go to head out the door. Before I can pull back enough, he reaches out to grab the back of my head. Threading his fingers through my hair before he pulls my face back to his.

My eyes widen as I feel lips on mine, but I quickly move with him. Our lips moving together in perfect synchronization, our noses only bumping once or twice. I hear him let out the smallest moan, and I want nothing more than to hear the noise again. 

I grab the back of his head as well, grasping his hair and giving it a slight yank towards me. As I pull his face impossibly closer to my own, I slide my tongue across his lip. He hesitates, but soon enough opens his mouth just enough for my tongue to join his. The second my tongue enters his mouth, he releases another breathy moan. 

I realize that if I don't pull away now, I'll never be able to. We break apart, breathing heavily. His lips are red and plump, and his eyes are glossy as he gazes into my own. I take in his debauched expression, and I can't help but plant one more kiss on his bruised lips. 

“Not to be a cockblock, but we're still here. I also promised Elise we'd be there by 10, and it's already 9:58.” Pidge interrupts us from the doorway. 

“I'm pretty sure it's only cockblocking if the person you're interrupting was actually going to do something with their dick. Pretty sure it doesn't count as cockblocking if we're just kissing.” I state as I hesitantly pull away from Keith, feeling extremely disappointed. 

“Whatever, it sure as hell looked like you guys were about to do more than a kiss, but who cares. Hurry up loser.” She tells me before heading out of the dorm with an eye roll, Hunk following right behind her. 

I quickly go to follow then, but before I get out of the room I feel a bit of loneliness and disappointment coming from Keith. I turn around, and our eyes meet. He gives me a shy smile as his face remains a rosy pink color. I try to ignore the feeling, but ignoring it right now just doesn't feel right. Not after yesterday. 

I rush back over to him, and I feel the momentary confusion and slight fear coming from him as his eyes widen in shock. When I get to the side of his bed, I put my hands out. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I pull his thin body towards me. Holding him in my arms is a feeling like no other. 

Warmth, love, affection, everything. His arms slowly, and hesitantly, come up around my waist to hold me back. His arms feel like a warm blanket on a winter day, and I bask in the feeling of it. It feels amazing, and I get the feeling of never wanting to let go of him. The feeling of always wanting to have his arms wrapped around me. A safety net that I never thought I'd want or need. 

We pull apart, neither of us wanting to. I can feel the strong disappointment oozing from his side of the bond as his arms fall back to his sides. I slowly walk back to the door and only turn around to say one last goodbye to him. He blushes and says that he'll see me soon, and I get the feeling that he really doesn't want me to go. I have to though. 

I make my way out of the dorms and head towards the car. It's 10:06 now, and I just know that the little gremlin is gonna give me an earful for my tardiness. I sigh at the thought of it, but make my way towards the car nonetheless. 

“Took you long enough! You'd think after my warning you'd hurry up, but nooooo. Instead of hurrying, you decide to take longer…” She pauses her sarcasm and gives a light laugh before continuing. 

“So… kissing, huh?” She asks, wiggling her eyebrows at me. 

“Like you guys haven't both been kissing your soulmates as well,” I respond with an eye roll causing Hunk to give me a look. 

“I think we all know that your situation is a bit different from ours, Lance. Before you met Keith, you talked about how much you couldn't even stand the thought of him. Now, well now you're making out with him. Excuse us, but I think that deserves a bit of confusion and surprise from us. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but it is a shocking change.” Hunk tells me, slight concern lining his voice. 

“I mean, I guess. It's just kind of felt right so far. The distance, the talking, the crying, the learning, the kissing, the holding, and the cuddling. It's just all kind of felt natural so far. It doesn't feel fake or forced, it just feels like a natural progression of our relationship.” I tell him, a soft smile on my face as I pay close attention to Keith's emotions through our bond. 

“I'm really glad things are starting to work out for you guys for once.” Hunk tells me, returning my smile. 

“I hate to ruin the mood, but is everything okay? With Keith I mean. You just kind of ran off, and you never let us know if everything was ok or not. Poor Hunk spent half the night worried for you guys, and unable to sleep. I know it's probably none of my business, but Keith is a close friend and I just want to make sure he's doing okay.” 

“Since when are you and Keith close friends?” I ask her in surprise. 

“Oh… Well when you spent all that time ignoring him before the roof surprise, he'd come over to the cafe and hang out with Elise and I. He'd even go over there when it was just Elise, so they're actually much closer. Didn't you notice when we were on the roof? Keith was practically being coddled by Elise The entire time, and I was talking with them both as well. In fact, we spent more time with him then he spent with you on the roof. Didn't that raise any questions for you, or did you just assume he allowed someone who was practically a stranger to hold him and play with his hair?” Pidge asks me with obvious shock and humor. 

“I didn't think you guys had talked passed the occasional meetup to discuss the roof setup. I don't know, I just wasn't really thinking about it much… What was he um, what was he like? Like what did you guys do, and stuff?” I ask, trying my best to seem as though I wasn't very interested. 

Pidge send me a knowing look, and I flinch under their gaze. I feel like my insides are on fire. A mixture of annoyance and slight rage filling me. I can feel something nasty curling in my guts, tightening my stomach. I'm not jealous. I have nothing to be jealous of. Pidge and Elise are soulmates, that has nothing to do with Keith. I have nothing to be jealous of. Nothing at all.

So what if he has a good relationship with Pidge? So what if he's super close with Elise? So what if he seems to trust Elise so much after only knowing her a few weeks? So what if both Pidge and Elise care about Keith, and he cares for them as well? He's still my soulmate. I have no reason to be jealous, but that doesn't stop the heat from curling around me like a snake. It doesn't stop the feeling from wrapping around my neck and strangling me. It doesn't stop the frustration from holding my arms and legs, restricting any and all movement. I have no reason to be jealous, but that doesn't stop me from being jealous anyway. 

“He was nice. Just a genuinely shy, funny, and sweet guy. I found out he LOVED conspiracy theories, and once that was out his whole personality seemed to change. He went from shy and quiet, to loud and excitable. It was actually really cute. He had this huge smile on his face, he'd ramble off and on whenever we got into a theory he liked, and he just really opened up once he was seemingly in his element. I had a great time talking to him, and I'm really glad you got someone so amazing Lance. I think you'll both compliment each other very well once you fully fix things between each other. He really took to Elise though. Elise has a very… Loving and motherly personality… She'd make a wonderful mom..” Pidge trails off as a blush fills her cheeks, before clearing her throat to continue. 

“Um, anyway… I can tell Keith really felt comfortable around that part of Elise. She's a very touchy person and, from what I was able to deduce, it seems like Keith's kind of touch starved. Any time Elise would ruffle his hair, lean into him, pull him into a hug, grab his hand, or really anything that involved touching he'd get this relaxed expression on his face and would lean into it almost immediately. It was always super cute. The first time she hugged him his eyes widened, and then just closed as his arms tightened around her and a smile grew on his face. He even hesitated to let go, and I could tell Elise just instantly went into protect mode. After the first day we met up, Elise told me ‘I'm gonna smother that boy in love and attention until he feels like the most loved person in the entire world. My motherly instincts are kicking in, and that boy is now my son.’ I laughed at her. Well, I laughed at her until I realized that she was serious.” Pidge pauses again as she bursts into laughter at the memory of her girlfriend. 

“Everyday after that, whenever Keith would come over, she'd pamper that boy half to death. She'd welcome him with a hug, move him to sit on her lap and play with his hair almost the entire time. If I'm being completely honest, I've never been so jealous in my entire life. I actually felt quite angry at Keith for a few minutes. Then… Well, then I looked at him. Every time she'd hold him and run her fingers through his hair, he looked at peace. His constantly tensed muscles and mask just fell away. Body relaxing, face settling into a small smile, eyes watery, and eyelids drooping. I had asked him why he always let her do that, and he told me about his mom. Said she had passed away when he was seven, but that before that she'd always hold him just like Elise and run her fingers through his hair. He said that he'd apparently had a lot of anger issues as a kid from age 5 to 7, and whenever he'd get angry or stressed that would always calm him down. I could see that motherly instinct kick in again for Elise, and her eyes were watering the whole time he talked. She really loves Keith, cares for him in a way I didn't think people of the same age could. Then, well then I might’ve realized that I did too. Then voilà, a lesbian couple officially adopted a lonely gay boy with daddy issues. A picture perfect family if I'm being honest” Pidge states with a laugh. 

“We just spent a lot of time talking. Talking about you, about family, about life, about friends, about soulmates, about conspiracy theories, about hobbies. Just talking and hanging out. A few times Keith even let Elise style his hair. He looks best in a high ponytail, french braid, half up half down, and side braid by the way. Very cute. Especially the half up half down and high ponytail, those hairstyles could make that boy a damn model. I think Elise may have a bit of an obsession with Keith's hair. Again, I honestly don't blame her. His hair is like silk, and it's the perfect length to style. I'm getting a bit off topic, aren't I? What was the question again?”

“You kind of answered it already, but um… You said you talked about me? What did you talk about?” I hesitantly asked, feeling the nervousness rising inside me. 

I see Pidge giving me a hesitant look, and my nerves triple. I can feel the worry and confusion tightening my chest, and that's when the concern filters in. The concern coming from my soulmate. Coming from Keith. I feel his concern for my nervousness filtering through me, and I instantly calm down. It's a warm feeling, knowing that your soulmate is concerned for you. It's almost grounding. 

“Well, I mean we talked about you. He asked a few questions about… What you're like. He talked about some of his experiences with you, and um…” Pidge sighs. 

“Fuck it. Lance for God's sake why do you not realize that your actions towards Keith have consequences? That you scare that boy half to death, and he's constantly worried for you? On the third day we met up he burst into tears, and had to be led into the storage room by Elise so he didn't have a crowd. He just kept begging us to help him. Saying you hated his guts, and he didn't know what to possibly do. Do you  _ really _ think that your attitude and ignorance towards Keith hasn't affected him at all? It  _ hasn't _ . I know that he told you about a good chunk of his past, Lance. Of course, I don't know because you told me like you promised you would,” She gives me a look, and I turn away to avoid it. 

“but I know he told you since he texted me at 4 am this morning. He said you were holding him in the bed, and he needed to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Then he told me how he had told you what he told us after crying that day. That he told you what his father did to him. Now that you know how he was treated, can you guess why he was crying?” 

“Um, Not… really?” I respond, wondering if saying anything at all was the right choice at this point. 

“Seriously, Lance? This boy had lived in hell for 8 years of his life, and then slightly less hell for 2 more years after that. What do you think kept him grounded all that time?” She pauses to see if I'm catching on, but I'm too confused to be able to. 

“ _ You _ .  _ Lance _ , it was  _ you _ . Of course, it was fucking you. All that boy had to look forward to every single day, was the idea of you. The idea that you'd save him, and show him what love is again. Sure he had his brother, but that was different. He was the one protecting his brother, not the other way around. He looked forward to you piecing him back together because that's your job as his destined partner. Imagine how much you  _ destroyed  _ him when he found out how much you  _ hated  _ him. His mother died, subjecting him to the hell he then had to live in. His father changed and grew to hate him instead of loving him. He was all alone, having no one to love him the way they were supposed to. You were all he had left, and you hated him too. Do you  _ really _ think that that didn't utterly destroy him?” Pidge practically hisses out. 

I'm taken aback by everything she's saying, but most of all I'm taken aback by the pure rage in her eyes. The fierce protection for the one she's speaking of, and the clear hesitation on speaking out towards me.

‘She doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but she also doesn't want to feed me sugar-coated bullshit’ I realize. I look down at my lap in disappointment.

“I… I know,” I tell her. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” She asks, clearly taken aback by what I said as well. 

“I knew how much I was hurting him… I, I  _ saw  _ and  _ heard _ how much I was hurting him.” I tell her, unable to make eye contact. 

“How!?” She hisses out between her teeth, clear anger written in her face. 

_ Flashback _

I lay on my side, facing away from Keith's side of the room. I can hear him carefully creeping across the floor, trying his hardest to do what he needs to do without making enough noise to wake me up. He thinks I'm asleep, but I'm not. I  _ can't  _ fall asleep. 

My heads too full of raging thoughts to be able to get any rest. I don't know what's going on anymore. My roommate's my soulmate? My soulmate is super sweet, and drop dead gorgeous? My soulmate is nothing like I imagined? He's not even disrespectful or loud? He's making it really hard to hate him? There's no way this is really hi-

My thoughts are cut off as I hear a sniffle from behind me. It catches me off guard, but I don't move in fear of him realizing I'm not sleeping. I don't want to scare him. I turn my phone on, the brightness turned fully down, and look at the time to see it's already 3 am. 

‘Why is he still up?’

_ “You can be my guiding light.  _ _   
_ _ Keep me,  _ _   
_ __ company in the night.”

I hear him start to sing. His voice quiet, but no less beautiful. The notes being hit perfectly, and the sound nothing short of amazing. Even with the clear fact that he's holding back tears, he still sounds great.    
  
_ “That's all I need, _ _   
_ _ All I want, _ _   
_ __ Is for you to stay a little longer now. 

_ With arms around me _ _   
_ __ Like a border.”   
  


I feel each emotion going through him as he sings the lyrics, and I know… I know that this song has a meaning to him. A meaning deeper then I could possibly understand. 

  
_ “Like the air I breathe, _ _   
_ _ I let you in.  _ _   
_ __ Keep me warm underneath my skin. 

_ I'm giving in to your touch.  _ _   
_ _ I can never get enough.  _

_ Diving deep into the ocean.” _

I hear him start to get a bit choked up, and my heart breaks at the thought of him crying. I can't turn around though, and I still hate him. Deep down I may be a bit confused, but I still hate him. His looks, personality, and voice change nothing… They change nothing.     
  
_ “You can be my safety zone.  _ _   
_ _ Somewhere, _ _   
_ _ I can go and feel unknown.  _ _   
_ _ That's all I need, _ _   
_ _ All I want, _ _   
_ __ Is to stay a little longer now. 

_ Dive in deep into the ocean.” _   
  


I can tell the tears have started to fall when his voice cracks on the word “unknown”. I ignore it though. Well, I do my best to ignore it. I don't turn around, I don't talk to him, I don't let him know I'm awake, but my heart still breaks either way. That part seems almost physically and mentally unavoidable. 

  
_ “I'm giving in, I can never get enough.  _ _   
_ _ Diving deep into the ocean.  _ _   
_ __ I'm giving in to your touch, 

_ oh I can never get enough.  _ _   
_ _ Diving deep into the ocean.” _

[ https://youtu.be/xiMCNiXNjLc ](https://youtu.be/xiMCNiXNjLc) (Link to the cover I used for reference)

He finishes up the last word before breaking into nearly silent sobs. Each breath shaky and uneven, his chest clearly constricting with each one. I can feel the sadness pressing down on my chest, forcing me to feel everything he feels. The betrayal, fear, confusion, worry, and nostalgia. I can feel it all, and I realize at this point that this is very unfair. How could I possibly hate someone… So sad. So broken and innocent. How could anyone hate someone that looks like they wouldn't even kill a fly? That won't stop me from trying though. 

I suddenly hear his bed rustle, and footsteps leading towards me only to stop at the foot of my bed. It's silent for a moment, but then I feel something touching my hair. His hand brushes my hair out of the way of my face, and I try my hardest not to flinch at the sudden touch. 

I hear more rustling, and I realize he must have kneeled down beside my bed. From this close distance, I can hear his quiet sobs. The raspy breathing right in my ear and even the trembling of his chest is loud enough to hear when he's this close. I can hear his lungs rattling with each breath he takes. Then he starts to talk, and I start to wish I was asleep instead. 

“I know you-you're not going to an-answer me, but I know I'll probably never ask you when you can… W-why do you h-hate me?” His voice cracks when he asks, and I can feel the desperation when he utters the word hate. 

“I've never... I've never  _ done  _ anything to you, right? Was it something I said? Was it th-the way I loo-look? Is… Is it just.. just me? Is it just me in general? Just everything about me, or just me as a person? Is that why everyone always hates me? Did you see me, and just realize I wasn't good enough? That I'm nothing? That I'll just be a burden for you, and that I'm not worth the effort? Did you realize how hopeless and worthless I am? How used and dirty I am? Is that what it is? You know how much I've been used, and don't want sloppy… Well, sloppy lasts I guess? Do you just know how weak I must be? Do you blame me for your pain as well? I'm sorry… I'm, I'm so  _ sorry _ .” He pauses as he breaks down on the last word. 

Small, choked up sobs escape his mouth as he breaks down behind me, unaware that I'm hearing every part of it. Unaware that I heard everything he just said. He's not done though, and I once again wish I was asleep. 

“I tried so hard to stay strong for you. To keep going every single day, for you. I tried my hardest to live through the pain, and not cause anymore. I tr-tried, I  _ promise _ I tried. I wanted to meet you so bad. For you to save me from the situation I was in, and for everything to be like a fairytale. You save me, you fix me, I fix you, we fall in love, and live happily ever after. Once I got a bit older I kind of realized that doesn't happen for people like me, but that didn't stop me from hoping anyway. It was one of the few things holding me together after all. I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted… You deserve someone 10 times better than me at the least, and I'm so sorry that you're stuck with the disappointment of me being your soulmate instead. I'm… I'm just sorry.”

After that, he just left the dorm. He left the dorm… and instead of going after him I finally went to sleep. I don't know where he went, I don't know what he did, and I don't know when he got back. All I know is that by the time my alarm went off for my first class he was back in his bed. 

_ End of flashback _

“So, I already know how much I'm hurting him. I already know, but I'm trying to fix it Pidge. I'm trying to get over my issues, and he knows that. We talked about it yesterday, and he said he understood. I'm trying.” I whisper the last two words as we finally pull into the cafe's parking lot. 

Pidge gives me a searching glare as we all get out of the car. Eyes looking over each part of my face, clearly trying to see if I'm being truthful or not. I am, and she soon realizes that. 

“I hope you actually are, Lance. I really do” She whispers as we head inside. 

The second we enter the building, Elise comes running over to us with her arms wide open. Her body slamming into Pidge as she nearly knocks her over. I expect Pidge to be annoyed or worried, but instead, I see her face stretched into the biggest smile I've ever seen from her. 

The worry lines on her forehead are gone, the bags under her eyes aren't nearly as visible, her pale skin brightens with a light blush, and her smile seems to brighten up her entire appearance. Everything about her just looks… Soft. No more college student look, the exhaustion no longer a problem. She just looks so happy, and I can't help the small smile that comes from seeing that. 

“I missed you!” Elise squeals as she pulls away from Pidge. 

“We saw each other 2 days ago on the roof, calm down” Pidge states with an airy laugh, huge smile still plastered onto her face. 

“Doesn't matter, I still missed you” She responds with a pout. 

“Hey Hunk, hey Lance!” She says as she gives us both a quick hug as well. 

“Hey, Elise”

After our greetings, Elise drags us over to a booth in the far corner of the cafe. We all sit down, Hunk and I on one side and Elise and Pidge squeezed together on the other side. 

“So, Lance.” Elise addresses me. 

“Yah?”

“How did you like the little party we set up for you?!” 

“It was fun,” I tell her with a soft smile. 

“It may not have been the same as it is with my parents, but it was still just as fun. I really enjoyed getting to know you as well, and shay and Keith as well of course. You guys were all great company, and I'm glad you were able to make it.” I tell her. 

“I'm glad you liked it. Keith really busted his cute ass trying to set everything up.” She tells me with a laugh. 

“Yeah, he was practically running around everywhere trying to get everything set up. It was sweet though.” Hunk adds on. 

“I bet it was.” I tell them with a chuckle. 

All of a sudden I feel a strong string of concern and worry coming from the bond. It's not like the last time when Keith was getting hurt, it's more like someone else is if that makes any more sense. When someone feels worried for themselves, it creates a different type of feeling from being worried about someone else. The feeling is more distant in a way. 

I grow slightly concerned, but instead of freaking out I try to focus on the bond. Paying close attention to his feelings, ready to leave as soon as I sense any trouble. It may seem a bit strange, but after yesterday I don't really feel like taking chances. 

His emotions start off as worried and concerned, then turn into anger, but soon melt into… affection? It's strange. All four emotions pass through him in a matter of 10 minutes. 

I can feel how happy he gets at the end. A warm feeling filling his entire body, leaving him affectionate and soft. I don't really understand what could've transpired to have that happen, but I'm not gonna complain. 

“What's the feeling?” Elise's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. 

My head snaps towards her to see her looking at me with a small smile, her chin laying atop her hands. Fingers laying gently on her reddened cheeks, and Pidge's arm wrapped around her waist and head on her shoulder. 

“What?” I ask in confusion. 

“You got this spaced out look. The same look other people get, including me, whenever they're paying attention to their soulmate or their bond. It's always sort of a… blissed out expression? Yah, blissed out. So what's he feeling?” She explains. 

“Ah, well he just seemed worried at first. Like he was concerned for someone else, and I got worried for him thinking something may have been wrong. Then, well then he got angry only to soon after get happy and affectionate. I don't really know what happened, but I'm glad he's at least okay.” I tell her. 

“ah, me too.”

“That's a strange change. Concern, to anger, to affection? Doesn't that seem a bit weird?” Hunk asks. 

“Well, there are plenty of scenarios that that could be. He could've gotten in an accident, been worried about his car, got angry at the other driver, and then saw it was his friend he hasn't seen for a while. He could've seen someone get hurt, got angry at the person hurting them, and then was happy they were okay in the end. There's a bunch of different things it could be Hunk.” Pidge states, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. 

“Oh, you're right. I'm sure he's fine though, so don't worry too much Lance.” Hunk responds with a big smile. 

After that, we talk about all kinds of things. Hunk baking three entire trays of chocolate chip cookies for Shay on their one week anniversary, Pidge teaching Elise a bit about hacking, Elise teaching Pidge how to make a good cup of coffee for exam weeks, and me telling them stories about my siblings back at home. 

“It all started off when Rosa decided it was a good idea to wake Benji for school by dumping a bucket of ice water onto him and his bed. It took three days to clean all of the water, and we had to dry out the entire mattress for days leaving Benji sleeping in my bed. Benji wanted to get revenge. It started off with him filling a bucket with blue cheese dressing, and setting it up above Rosa's bedroom door. When she opened it, the entire bucket fell over her head and drenched her in chunky salad dressing. It was  _ disgusting _ . When I say she stunk for 2 whole weeks, I mean it. Rosa fired back by putting Nair in Benji's shampoo, only for Nicolás to end up using it instead. Poor guy was bald for a while after that, and he would've snapped Rosa’s neck if she wasn't a beloved family member. This only causes Nicolás to join Benji's side and team up against Rosa. So they then buy 3 full 50 lb bags of sand and dump them all into Rosa's room. She still finds sand in her room to this day, and it pretty much serves as a constant reminder of the prank war. Rosa tries to fire back by loading all of the chickens into Benji and Nicolás's rooms, and there were feathers  _ everywhere _ . To get back at Rosa, they put 2 packs of chewed up gum into the poor girl's hair, and almost all of it had to get chopped off. So Rosa comes running into the living room sobbing her heart out because she clearly lost the prank war with Benji and Nicolás.” I tell the story, laughing at almost every part right along with the others. 

After we all calm down, we realize we've been talking for 3 and a half hours, so we all start to pack up to head back to the dorms. Hunk and I finish first, heading back to the car to give Elise and Pidge some privacy for their goodbyes. She heads out after us after just 2 minutes, and we all load back into the car to head back. 

“You know what I just realized?” Pidge asks as we pull into the parking lot. 

“What?” I ask her.  

“We didn't do a single second of studying… and that's what we went there for.” Pidge responds. 

Hunk and I pause in our movements, and we turn to each other with wide eyes. After staring at each other for a moment, our heads snap towards Pidge at almost the same time. 

“ _ Holy shit _ , you're right!” I scream out. 

“You better study tonight, Lance. Don't use this as a get out of jail free card, we have a test tomorrow and you need to be ready for it. You too Hunk.” She glares at us both. 

We get out of the car and chat on our way up the stairs. As we reach our hall, I get a message from my phone. I pause mid-step and pull it out to check who it's from. 

**Unknown Number- Are u almost back to the dorms?**

I chuckle realizing it's Keith and add his number to my phone. I sent him a text letting him know I'm in the hallway. 

**Keithy Boy- Oh**

I look at the message a bit confused before shrugging it off and continuing on my way to the dorm. As I approach the door I can hear frantic rustling, and can feel the anxiety of Keith through the bond. I wonder what's got him so panicked, but I try not to think too much about it. 

I open the door to see him just now sitting down on his bed, back facing away from me and hands hiding behind it. I can see the blush on his face seemingly from excursion, and I can feel the anxiety practically radiating off of him. 

“Ok, what's up?” I ask him, cutting right to the chase. 

“What do you mean?” He asks sounding innocent. 

“What are you hiding behind you, and what's got you so anxious? I'm not stupid, Keith.” I tell him with a chuckle. 

“Well um.. I… Well, I…” He sighs before continuing. 

“Are you allergic to cats?” He asks me, throwing me completely off guard. 

“Um, no?” I answer having no clue where this conversation was heading. 

My attention is stolen as his hands shift from behind his back. His left hand coming around his body empty, and his right following soon After. His right hand, however, was not empty. In his palm lay a small ball of fur. 

“Is that… a kitten?” I ask in confusion. 

“Yah… She was a stray seemingly without a family.” He responds looking away. 

“I saw her on my way back from picking a few items up from the grocery store. She was limping away from the kids, the kids throwing rocks at her and yelling at her. They had injured her back, left paw and I knew I had to do something. I got really angry at the kids and scared them away from her. She was afraid of me too at first, but I got her to come to me after coaxing her a bit. After picking her up, I knew I had to keep her so I took her to the vet. She received a clean bill of health, and they were able to wrap her fractured leg. I bought all the supplies for her, and even registered her under my name.” Keith tells me as he strokes the kitten's fur. 

The kitten leans into his fingers each time he pets her, and I can tell right away that the cat sees Keith as her savior. That she loves him very much already and trusts him more than a stray should be capable of. The kitten’s coat is almost fully white. Her snout is covered with a black patch, each paw looks like it's covered by a short, black sock, and the tip of her tail seems to be dipped in black paint. The kitten also seems to have the fur of a Maine coon, and I almost coo at how cute it is. 

I reach out to pet the kitten, but she instantly starts to back into Keith’s hand to try and hide. She's caving into herself to make herself look smaller, and I go to pull my hand away in shock. Keith quickly grabs my hand with his empty one and stops my movement. 

He gently pulls my hand back towards the kitten, keeping our hands together in hopes to show her I'm safe. At seeing her owner's hand as well, she allows Keith to move my hand in front of her face. The proximity allows her to sniff my hand, and soon after nuzzle into it. 

“Meet Mavy”


	11. Please Read, This is Important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read to the very end, and wait to comment until you've fully taken in what I've written. Be respectful in the comments, and please no hate towards me or any of my readers.

Hi guys… I'm sorry for not updating in so long, I know a few of you guys were eagerly waiting for the next chapter. I've been in a bad place lately. My therapy hasn't been doing much for me, my mom died from a 6 month fight with Sarcoma cancer in April, I stopped taking my medicine and haven't told anyone because it was making me feel worse, I've been dealing with a large lack of sleep and a lot of stress, and I've nearly relapsed about 28 times in the past 2-3 months alone. I won't be discontinuing either of my ongoing stories, so don't worry about that. I just came to state a few things today. 

First, I'm gonna try to update this story by/on my birthday. My birthday is the 23rd of December, and I want to set that goal for myself. That's not a promise, it's just something I want to try and do. It may not happen, and it may happen earlier than I think I can get a chapter done. I don't know, but please don't get mad at me if I'm unable to follow through with my goal. It's very hard for me to find inspiration to write, and even harder to find the ability to even try sometimes. Please understand that. 

The second thing is a bit bigger, and not as exciting or happy. I've been getting a lot of comments, emails, DMs, private messages, etc by some of my readers. Some of them are extremely sweet and I want to thank all of my readers that enjoy and read my story. I love reading each one of your comments, and I always look forward to your reviews and what you liked/thought about my story. So thank you for those who comment stuff like that, you're very important to me and you keep this story going. Especially a certain someone, you know who you are, that always comments the longest reviews for each chapter, and always keeps a conversation going with me. I love you especially XD. The other messages, however, need to stop. I've been getting a lot of messages such as “You're glorifying abuse and rape to fulfill your fetishes”, “You're romanticizing abuse and rape”, “You're using serious topics to gain kudos and hits”, etc. This is something that really angers me. I have been abused, I have been SEVERELY bullied most of my life, I have self harmed, I have been diagnosed with serious cases of both depression and anxiety. I have dealt with all of the issues I've written about so far, except rape. Not to this extent in some parts, and further in others, but I've dealt with them nonetheless.

I don't quite understand how people believe in these assumptions of theirs. The first chapter I released, the description read to be severely careful reading this story. That I write about serious issues, and to be cautious and careful while reading if you might be triggered. In the second chapter's description, I wrote specifically that this story would in no way romanticize these serious issues. That I'm completely against stories that do that. That I this story will not be one of those, “I have serious mental issues and trauma, but I met you and suddenly they're all gone”. I even wrote that I find those stories offensive and misleading to people who don't experience these issues. Multiple other chapters state that this story will have realistic challenges and fights, and will have them make-up and overcome those problems realistically. That these are two traumatized characters that will deal with these problems the way someone like myself, someone who actually deals with all of these problems besides the rape trauma, would deal with them. In every chapter that involves even the shortest amount of triggering material, I try to warn people about and create a way for them to safely go around those parts (a.k.a. the dashed lines at the end of the scenes, or other instructions given such as stating to go to the next chapter). I try my best to deal with these serious and sensitive subjects as well as I can, and as seriously as I can. I am not romanticizing these problems, I'm not glorifying them to fulfill these fetishes you disgustingly think I have, and I'm not using them to gain hits and kudos. Writing about serious issues like these, are how I deal with my own problem while also trying to properly inform others about them. 

I'm tired of having to delete so many of these comments and messages. I really am. For someone who tries to go so out of their way to stress that I'm NOT doing something like that, being accused of it anyway (and so harshly as well) is frustrating and disgusting. If you are not going to read my warnings, descriptions, etc then don't comment such accusations. If you would like to calmly discuss with me way you think I could better handle issues like these, or something else along those lines, I'm happy to fully discuss that on any platform. I'm always up for advice and constructive criticism, in fact I look forward to it after every update. I'm willing to discuss, but I'm tired of disgusting comments and messages such as these. 

Anyway, I hope everyone had a lovely Halloween and Thanksgiving, and will have a wonderful Christmas as well (or you respective holidays if these are not one's you celebrate). I love all of you, and thank you for all of your time and support.


	12. The Big Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got it finished early! Woohoo! XD. So this isn't EXACTLY what I had planned for this chapter, but the argument kinda took it's own path. Still happy with it though, and It gave me a great idea for the next chapter while still staying on the track of the main events and stuff that I have planned. Also, yes Christmas day is the chapter I've been writing about in the summaries about how excited I am to write it. I've had it planned out for a WHILE, and I'm super excited to get to writing it in, most likely, the chapter after the next or POSSIBLY just the next chapter if it fits. Anyway, I hope you all like this chapter!

“So… When did you guys get a kitten?” Pidge asks as she plops her bag down onto the floor of Keith's and my dorm, Elise running out from behind her with Hunk not far behind. 

“Kitten!? Where is it!?” Elise whisper shouts as she swivels her head to find it, an excited gleam in her eyes. 

“It's not mine.” I state as I watch Elise locate Mavy, and immediately going into nurture mode as she slowly lets Mavy warm up to her. 

“Keith found her getting picked on about 2 weeks ago, saved her, and brought her home. He's taking care of her, but he knows we're not allowed pets in this school. He's gonna get me in trouble.” I say with a huff. 

“Oh please, Lance you love animals. Why are you acting so salty?” Pidge asks me in a sassy tone, pulling folders out of her bag as she glances at me from the side of her eye. 

“So what? It's not allowed, and I don't want to get in trouble because he made the decision to be a dumb hero. Can't even take care of himself, and yet he thinks he's capable of taking care of a kitten.” I scoff at the irony. 

“Ok, what the fuck Lance? Seriously? That boy has proved more than capable of taking care of people, and he can certainly take care of a simple kitten. What crawled into your ass?” Elise speaks in an angered tone, clear annoyance lining each word that leaves her mouth. 

“In what world? He couldn't take care of himself to save his life. He never sleeps, never eats like he's supposed to, constantly panicking all the damn time, never confident in any decision he makes, forgets what day it is 80% of the time, spaces out for hours at a time, and more. That boy wouldn't know selfcare if it punched him in the face.” 

“Lance! That's enough! You don't get to talk about him like that, when you have no clue what he's gone through” Elise shouts, keeping her voice from going too loud as to not frighten the kitten finally allowing her to pet it. 

“Whatever” I mumble out in annoyance. 

What do they know? They don't have to put up with him everyday. They don't have to wake up at all hours of the night to muffled, panicked screaming and sobbing. They don't have to deal with his hyperventilating every time he has to deal with confrontation of any shape or form. They don't have to deal with his constant stutter, leaving sentences nearly impossible to understand half the time. They don't have to deal with his bullshit. I do. 

“Right… Let's get to studying then…” Hunk (I've been obsessed with Detroit Become Human lately, so if I type Hank instead of Hunk once in awhile I apologize for that. I'm mentioning this randomly right here cause I just had to change this to Hunk after realizing I made the mistake XD) speaks up awkwardly, trying to get passed the uncomfortable silence that's rested over the room. 

We all sit down on the floor on on my bed, Elise laying on her stomach across Keith's bed, with the kitten falling asleep on her back. 

We study for 2 hours straight, not a word uttered outside of the subject of whatever we were studying for in that moment. Not a word about Keith, the kitten, soulmates, or anything off topic. It was the first time in a while where I could finally get my mind off of the whole thing, then he comes in and ruins that. 

The door creaks open as he places his key in the lock and turns the doorknob. I don't care, but I realize as he walks in that I have no clue where he went for the passed 3 and a half hours since he left. I know he had an hour long class that he left for, but I have no clue what he did for the other 2 and a half hours. His friend's, as far as I know, are all in our room right now and he never mentioned a job or anything such as that. 

“Hey Keith!” Elise whisper shouts in excitement, struggling to look towards Keith without waking Mavy up. 

No response comes from Keith as he trudges towards his bed and Elise. His legs tap the side of his bed as he tosses his bag to the side, lifting his legs up one at a time to crawl onto the bed. He lifts Mavy off of Elise's back, and flops down in her place, curling around Elise's body while snuggling the kitten. 

“mmpf” He responds, burying his face into Mavy and Elise's bodies. 

“What's up with you” Pidge asks with a chuckle. 

“New friend, socializing, tired.” Keith lifts his head a little bit to speak, words still slightly muffled. 

“Aww is our little Keithy growing up and meeting new people in the real world?” Pidge coos in a joking, mocking tone before chuckling. 

“mmmm” He groans in response. 

Keith and Elise shift into a more comfortable position. Elise holding Keith in her arms with Keith snuggling up against her with his head on her chest, and his arm wrapped around her with the kitten snuggled on both of them. For the next 15 minutes they stay cuddled up, eyes closed and neither of them moving. 

I hate every second of it. 

“Are we done here yet? We've been doing this for a little over 2 and a half hours now.” I lightly nudge Pidge with my foot. 

“Ew, get that thing off of me! Gross.” Pidge screeches as she shoves my foot away from her. “Yah, we can be done now, I guess.”

The group packs up their things, but Elise and Keith don't move from their spots on the bed. I watch as Pidge slowly makes her way over there, and softly sits beside the bed. I watch as she lifts her hand, and gently starts combing her fingers through Elise's hair while softly telling her to wake up. 

Elise slowly wakes up, shifting her head further into Pidge's hand to nuzzle against it. Her other hand comes up to Keith's head to do the same to him, as her head strains to look at him from the awkward angle. He nuzzles into Elise's hand the same way, but it grabs a different emotion from me.

I felt indifferent when Elise did it to Pidge. However, I can't decide whether I'm annoyed by Keith doing anything in general or angry at who he's doing it to. All I know, is that I feel a strange concoction of fondness and annoyance/anger coursing through me at the sight of it. I push the fondness aside quickly though. 

“Lance? What time is it? He asks in a tired voice, hands coming up to rub the sleep from his eyes. 

I look away from him without giving a response, and listen to the shuffling of sheets. 

“Lance?” He speaks out again, confusion flowing through from his side of the bond, only to once again receive no answer from me. 

“It's about 6 something” Elise tells him, an annoyed tone taking over her voice as I feel a glare burn into the side of my face. 

“Thanks…” He mumbles back. 

“Well I don't know about you guys, but I have to get going. I'll see you all sometime soon I guess…” Hunk trails off as he speeds up his movements, making his way out of the room and heading back to his own right next door. 

“Yah, we should go as well” Pidge gives me a side eye in slight annoyance, but more confusion than anything else. “You can come over with Hank and I, Eli”

“Sure, that sounds nice.” Elise stands up After wrapping Keith in a tight hug.”

As soon as they leave the room, I feel the brunt of Keith's emotions hitting me. The hurt, confusion, sadness, and more. Like a giant wave smacking me under the water, muffled thoughts and constricted breathing. I ignore it the best I can. 

Keith's POV (I think this is the first time I've done this actually)

For the past 2 weeks, a lot of stuff has changed. The day I got Mavy, Lance was happy. Ecstatic even. Then a few days passed. He would comfort me when I had problems, even staying up at night with me twice after waking up from a bad nightmare. 

Then by the 4th day, he started becoming distant. He wouldn't answer me as much, and started ignoring my panic attacks or nightmares. By the 8th day, he started to completely ignore me. Never giving me a response, never asking me a question, never speaking a word to me.

By the 10th day, he wouldn't  even acknowledge when I'm in the room. Wouldn't look at me, wouldn't look up or even shift when I'd enter the room, nothing. He doesn't even spare me a glance most times now. He pays me no mind, and the only way I know that he's not entirely unaffected by me is the annoyance I feel through our bond. 

It hurts like hell. I can feel my heart being ripped out of my chest every time I don't receive a response or even a glance. It's so painful. I try to give him space, but there's only so much space I can possibly give him when we live together. I don't want to complain though. I don't know what he's going through, or what's wrong with him if there is anything wrong with him. I have no clue, but that doesn't stop it from hurting me. 

It's hard not to be hurt by it. He's my soulmate. He's my everything. I know that's not healthy, but my life never has been. He's the one I'm falling in love with, flaws and all. His attention, love, care, and help are what I crave the most. It may just be a crush currently, but the feelings of a crush are not to be taken lightly either. 

He's my first. My first crush, my first roommate, my first friend outside of my brother, my first everything really. Hopefully he'll be the rest of my firsts too. He's always been all I had in life besides Keiji. Always. When I was being hurt by my dad, I'd think about Lance. When my dad forced me, I'd think about Lance. When other people forced me, I'd think about Lance. He saved me. He kept me alive. He gave me the strength I needed to protect and care for Keiji. He kept me alive. 

Now he seems to want nothing to do with me. He promised me he'd try, but suddenly he won't even look at me. Won't even spare me the slightest glance, and that hurts the most. The feeling of a broken promise, and the crushing loneliness. Our friends may still treat me the same, but it's not the same. The connection to a soulmate is a fragile one. If the soulmates fight, or just don't get along in general, the bond naturally pulls them together. 

It's like the red string of faith. When the string is pulled on, it only brings them closer together. Shortening the length, and progressing the relationship. It makes the partners want to be together, makes them closer in the end. Not always in a loving way. The bond does not force the people to fall in love. If the pair decides to only be friends, the bond will create a close friendship that could never be replaced, as it will do for closer relationships as well. 

However, if the bond is working to bring the pair together then you don't want to resist. To go back the calling it the red string of fate, it does work just like a real string. If the string is growing shorter, and one side is pulling further apart… What happens to the other side. When one is following the bond, and the other is resisting, it rips. It gets to the point, where my side rips. The harder he pulls, the tighter my side strains. The more frayed my string becomes, and the more worn down it becomes. At some point it has to tear. At some point he pulls too hard, and I'm the one that's going to get hurt. I don't have any choice but to continue moving closer. 

Giving him all of me, but receiving nothing in return can hurt just as much though. It becomes a fight with yourself. Do I want to keep giving away every piece of me, or let him utterly destroy me with his own stubborn resistance? Am I willing to accept the destruction of my very being, or give it away willingly until I have nothing left to give? That's what I have to ask myself everyday. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

(Two days later, and still Keith's POV

It's only gotten worse. No matter what I say or do, he still ignores me. Now, however, he's barely around. If I try to talk to him, he'll just up and leave. God, that hurts so much more. 

Am I that much of an annoying nuisance that he has to leave his own home? So much of a burden, that he has no choice but to run away from me? Am I really that bad? 

I can't stop the tears from running down my cheeks, my chest squeezing so tight that I can't breathe anymore. I feel the choked up sobs pour out of my mouth, body heaving with each one. My arms trembling as I wipe the tracks from my cheeks, right foot tapping out an uneven rhythm of anxiety. I can't control anything, and that loss of control sends me into a downward spiral of panic and depression. 

WARNING: This part will include self-harm plus a slight moment of suicidal thoughts (and Keith convincing himself that it's the right thing to do, even though it isn't a good decision in any way.), and if you're someone who gets triggered by that then please skip to the dotted lines. Stay safe. I will be adding more warnings as the chapter progresses, so look out for those if you have any triggers. I'd also like to state, that this is something I have done. Multiple times in fact. I've relapsed 3 times before as well, but have been clean for over a year and a half. This is  _ not _ something healthy, and it isn't something you should do to yourself. It is not art, it's not beautiful, it's not an aesthetic,  it's a toxic and disgusting form of causing permanent damage to your body. There is nothing beautiful or good about it in anyway. If you struggle with this problem, PLEASE call or text a help line or talk to a friend or family member. Talk to a therapist as well if possible. I promise you, someone cares. If you want to talk to me about it by any chance as well, please let me know in the comments. I'd be happy to tell you my Insta or something else so that we can talk in private. 

I need control, need something to give me some semblance of control back. Something I choose to do, instead of being forced to go through it. 

Then I remember. I remember the first time my dad forced me. The one line I cut into my thigh after scrubbing my body raw. I never did it again after that, but I still craved the control that pain gave me. The first time I was able to cause my own pain, and decide when and where I wanted to feel it. I decided that, I controlled that. I want that back, and now… Now I won't be hurting him anymore. 

We already met, he will never again share a mark the same as my own. I can do anything I want to my own body, and he'll never know. He'll never know...Not that he'd care anymore anyway. He doesn't give a shit about me anymore. He won't even look at me! Won't even spare me a fucking glance! Not a glance, not a word, nothing! I could die right now, and he wouldn't even notice! He's not  _ around _ enough notice. He doesn't  _ care _ enough to notice. 

I have Keiji though, and I'd never be able to leave him. Especially not just to spite Lance for not giving a shit about someone with as many problems as me. I'm nothing to him, and he's proved that. 

I get up from my bed, and head to the bathroom. Yanking the cabinet open, and grabbing the first clean razor I find. I don't look to see who's it is, and frankly I don't really care. I may have never cute since the one time, but that doesn't mean I never got close to doing it. There were many times where I pulled apart a razor, and even got as far as bringing the razor up to my skin. 

I pulled apart the razor in just a few seconds, getting it open with no problems. I place three of the four razor blades on the counter, and take the 4th one in between my thumb pointer finger. I pull my silk shorts up to my underwear, and lay the razor blade upon the skin of my left thigh. High enough that the shorts will cover the planned area, but not too high. 

The first line stings like hell, but at the same time feels good. Like everything rushes out along with the blood beading on top. I make 5 more lines in a row next to it, making it 6 total. I lay the razor blade down next to the others, and watch as the blood collects on my thigh. I bring my hands up to the sides of it, and push them together. Squeezing my thigh to push more blood out of the cuts. Watching as it drys fast, and allowing it to turn solid on top of the cuts. I rub off the blood after it dries, rubbing against the cuts to give me more pain as a punishment. Once the cuts are cleaned, I grab the bandages and wrap the area. When I'm done, I head back to my bed, and lay down

\------------------------------------------------------------

Lance's POV (The next day)

WARNING: fighting (verbally, not physically) and mentions of rape, abuse, etc. Not much detail at all, but they are mentioned during the fight. This will be for almost the entire rest of the chapter, so I won't be putting dashed lines anywhere unless it's a time skip. Proceed with caution if you wish to proceed at all. Again, I will stress that this is the topic of the entire book. Dark, awful shit. That's pretty much all of my stories, and the hundreds of story ideas I have written in my notebook and the notepad in my phone. If these things bother you, stop reading this. You're gonna miss 90% of the story, and that can't possibly be fun. Anyway, let's get right into it. 

“Can you shut up!?” I yell out at him as he once again starts having a panic attack. 

I'm tired of it, tired of having to hear the constant noises of his panicking. I'm not sleeping because he's always having nightmares, and during the day he's constantly having panic attacks and hyperventilating. Then there's the stupid fucking depression  _ constantly _ attacking me from his side of the bond. It  _ never _ fucking  _ stops _ . 

All of a sudden everything goes silent, his eyes widening and shock washing over me from him. I didn't know you could shock people out of a panic attack, but I'm glad you fucking can. He stares at me with his widened eyes, face and body frozen still. 

“I'm sorry?” He finally whisper out, voice cracking on both words and raspy. 

“Sorry? Sorry!?  _ That _ 's all you're sorry for!? How about apologizing for the constant bullshit you've been pulling every fucking  _ day _ !? How about apologizing for my  _ entire life _ that you  _ stole _ from me!? Huh? How about apologizing for  _ that _ !” I shout at him, fed up with everything and unable to control my temper. 

“Wh-what?” He whispers out, confusion and slight fear flooding the bond. 

“You  _ heard _ me. You ruined my  _ life _ . Every part of it. I was in pain day and night because of  _ you _ . Tortured all because I was stuck with a soulmate as  _ fucked up _ as  _ you _ . Everyone else got to be happy. Falling in love, finding their best friend, everything. They got to find happiness, and I got stuck with  _ you _ . The  _ fuck up _ .” I spit out at him, and I nearly fall to my knees from the muffled pain that hits me. I stay standing though, and push on regardless of how much our bond is screaming at me to stop. 

“Don't act like I'm wrong either! You want to act so innocent all the time. Making Elise and the other fall in love with your facade, gaining all of their sympathy. You wanna fool everyone into thinking you're perfect, but I know you're hiding shit. You really thought I believed you the day you told me your ‘life story’? You stopped at  _ fifteen _ , Keith. I know damn well that there was a 2 year gap there before you became happy. You wanna act like an innocent goody two shoes, but you can't fool me Keith. I went through everything you did, I'm not stupid enough to fall for-”

“Everything? Everything!? You didn’t go through shit!” Keith shouts, interrupting me before I can finish my rant. 

His face is bright red. Eyes wide and watery as tears continue to pour out of his eyes, and mouth set in an angry sneer. I've never seen him so angry before. 

“You’re so annoying!” I freeze as he shouts again. “You’re pushing me away, and hurting me for something I had zero control over!  _ I'M _ the one who has shit to get over! Not you! I have to get over years and years of absolute torture, both mentally and physically! I have to learn for the first time, that sex is something I can say no to! I have to learn that everytime someone raises a hand, they're not going to hit me! I have to learn that I’m allowed to speak my mind without it leading to further abuse! That I’m even allowed to talk in general! I have to learn that my body is my own and not my own fucking dad’s, or even his disgusting friend’s! I have to learn every damn thing, and yet YOU! You act like YOU’RE the victim! Like you’re the one who went through the constant rape, abuse, and torture! You didn’t go through shit! You only felt muffled versions of what  _ I  _ went through! You didn’t have to be afraid of every fucking corner, or every fucking creak in the floorboards! You didn’t look around at every person wondering if they’re the next guy that’s gonna be hurting you, or looking at strangers wondering if they’ve already hurt you because you can’t remember any of their faces! You didn’t have to be afraid of company coming over, or your family, or anyone! You never had to feel the full brunt of shit like I had to! Never!” A sob interrupts him as it rips it's way out of his throat. 

“And the  _ one _ person I thought would save me, had already given up on me! Do you have  _ any _ idea how much that fucking  _ destroyed  _ me? Do you!? How would you feel if your entire fucking life was a living  _ nightmare _ , and the moment you think you can finally wake up you realize you've only fallen into another one!? Do you  _ really _ have no  _ idea _ how much you've broken me? How much pain you've cost me after everything I've gone through? And yet you want  _ me _ to feel pity for  _ you _ ? For fucking  _ you _ !? You were what kept me  _ alive _ for fucks sake. You were the only thing that gave me strength to continue fighting, the only one that gave me determination to care for Keiji and even myself. You were all I had for  _ years _ .” His breath speeds up, and I can feel the panic settling deep into his guts. 

“I thought I'd be able to handle it. No matter how much you crushed me in the first 2 weeks of knowing each other, I thought I could handle it. I thought I could handle it because you promised to try. You had your hiccups, but you promised to try. That was enough for me. That was more than enough. Your effort was more than enough. Then you just fucking  _ stopped _ . You stopped making an effort at first. You stopped making an effort, and then you stopped talking to me entirely. Then…  _ Then  _ you decided to even stop acknowledging my very  _ existence _ , only to follow it up with spending as much time away from me as  _ possible _ . You broke your promise, and I'm done. I'm done trying  _ so _ damn hard for you. Done trying to convince someone like you that being abused and raped wasn't my fault. Done trying to convince someone of something that should  _ never _ be thought to begin with. Do you honestly think you're the only one or something? That you're  _ special _ ? You keep talking about all of these  _ perfect _ soulmates, but you have to have your head shoved pretty far up your ass to truly believe that's the case. I'm nowhere even  _ close _ to the only person who's been in an abusive household. Soulmates fight, there's abusive partners, there's toxic partners, there's selfish and gross partners, forceful and harmful partners. There's partners that don't want the same relationship as the other, one's that don't even  _ have _ soulmates. Nasty divorces, cheating, abuse, rape, and every other terrible thing in life still fucking  _ exists _ , Lance. I am nowhere  _ near _ an anomaly, and neither are  _ you _ . I'm done trying so hard to help you see that.” He takes a deep breath as he calms down, breathing becoming slower and less hectic as well. 

“I need a break. From you, and from the stress of everything else. Christmas is in a week and 2 days, and until a week from now I'll be staying at Elise's cafe. She lives in the basement area of the place, and her parents live in the 2nd floor. She's already offered to help me out like this, so I'll be fine. You have a week. Figure out your feeling, your anger, and what you really want. I'll come back on the 23rd, and we'll decide what's going on for Christmas. If you find out you want nothing to do with me, I'll ask to move dorms and will never bother you again. If you want to be friends only, we'll work it out. If you want to be more… We'll see.”  


End file.
